my dd aged 18 has moved in with her boyfriend

and yes i miss her heaps

But we had an amazing day out on saturday

and Im finding it very hard not to mother her when i see her

and luckily i see her most days

maybe as my friend said .
you need to be there when they do turn to you

I can understand that it's unbearably sad to feel that you are losing connection with your 13yo, but when it comes to a young adult of 18 or 19, I think you do have to accept that this is their time of life for adventure and independence. The reason I am still so close to my parents at the age of 45 is that they accepted this and were happy for me. Their attitude made this a happy and exciting time for me; if I had had to waste it feeling guilty, I might have found that difficult to forgive afterwards when all the hard things in life hit me. I know it's hard, but smiling through tears is one of those things parents have to do. And most children who are waved off with a smile at 19 come back with big hugs at 25- so it pays off.

Not going to show this thread to DH as he would be even sadder than I am reading it. It is almost unbearable in places.

I have just found this thread and am sitting here with tears in my eyes. My dd is only 13 but she is moving away from me so fast it hurts. I have had a big argument with her tonight because the only time she has spent with me over the week is when she has wanted me to buy her things, other than that she is out from the moment she wakes up until last thing at night and even when she is in she is on MSN to her friends. I feel that I am completely not needed and only wanted when I have my purse open, I don't spoil her and am talking about the fact that she needed new pjs, not that I was buying her frivolities. I spoke to her tonight as we had another bust up about her being out all day and she insists that she still wants to spend time with me, but in fact doesn't make any effort to. I work in a school so am on holiday at the same time as my dcs and did say to her tonight that I am going to make more of my own friends and take up interests of my own as I understand that she doesn't need me any more. Sorry that I have repeated most of what has already been said, but my heart is breaking and I am finding it difficult.

My DD is only 4 and I dread this. Ridiculous as it sounds but I know I will miss her so much. It really keeps me going when she is driving me mad! You need to look at this as a new chapter in your life and time to pursue other things. It will prepare you for when your DS's leave as well. It's also the foundations for your relationship with your adult daughter rather than your child daughter. I think most people (including myself) had several years of detachment from their parents from about this age and then became closer again when we were older. I know I used to see my mum maybe 4-5 times a year and perhaps one call a week from 18-26 years old. Not saying how it is for everyone but it was for me. Since getting married and having DCs we are much closer. I also returned home when I was in need at 19.

She will come back, that was me many years ago.

snowaddict I know how you feel. But visiting her every other weekend might have got a bit to much for her. When young people go off to uni, they want to start being independent and although they love their Mothers, will not want them to be texting them all the time. DD2 19 went to uni in September. But it is to far for us to visit every other week. She has come home today for a few days ( has a reading week so does not have to go into uni). She has spent the evening with us and is now watching a DVD with her younger sister. She says she likes getting letters from home and does usually answer my calls or texts. But I try not to phne more than once a week. Of course I'm still her Mother and love her very much but she needs to have a life of her own.

pineapplecube. I feel for you. I'm going through the same thing with my 18 year old dd. Its so hard - she's been my focus for the last 18 years. How can you just switch off your mothering instinct. I hate this. Its so hard.

Shes an only one and has just gone off to uni. not too far away - so I thought I could visit her for an hour every other week and go for dinner with her. I thought it was going ok until this weekend.

she has not returned any of my calls. and has ignored my texts all weekend.

I have just rang someone I know she will be with and could hear her in background and she would not come to the phone.

I have always been there for her -whatever the problem. I'm there.

I've no answers just feel for you. Hugs.

I think it's good when teenagers do this and am pleased to see my 2 becoming independant.
At 18 I moved away to college and although back in holidays never really moved back to my parents' house emotionally. from the time I moved out I didn't really think of it as my home any longer. Thankfully my mum had her own friends and social life and my dad and her job and my younger sibs so wasn't trying to drag me out on trips or make me tell her personal stuff.
You sound a bit lonely and as though you need more friends rather than trying to get closer to your daughter when she is trying to break away.

Dolly that sounds like a good idea. Will be a good idea to implement Project DD in my house. Me and DP work long hours, so time when we are all at home seems to be taken up with chores and other committments.

My dd is younger than the OP's (13) however I have notice small things that make me think that she is 'breaking away'. We are still very close however I think that her closeness with me is starting to be replaced with that of her friends. For instance we were going to plan to watch Julia & Julia, however at the last minute she said it was a bit sad and a mothers film, and would rather go to the cinema with her friends.

I think the severing of the umbilical cord is painfully done with a very blunt serrated knife.