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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

16yo DS watching porn on family computer...

43 replies

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 19:34

OK before I start, I ought to say I don't have a problem with DS wanking, watching porn, or in fact having sex (he has a gf).

What I do have a problem with is him watching porn on the family computer which his siblings use, without deleting the browsing history or attempting to cover his tracks in any way. He has a 10yo sister and an 11yo brother and I really wouldn't want either of them seeing most of the stuff he'd been looking at. And seeing as I discovered it by accident (clicked on "Favourites" to get to my emails, and a whole list of the History came up including his porn) it's feasible that at some point one of them will innocently do the same.

I am also a bit about it because he has a laptop and I can't quite work out why he couldn't have watched it on there in the privacy of his own room. The wireless connection is a bit temperamental but usually it isn't long before it comes back on, and DS knows that. But it seems instead of waiting for it to come back on, he must have sneaked downstairs (this was at about 2 in the morning btw), switched the family PC back on and visited several porn sites on there. There may be a "good" reason for this, but it does make me think that he might have developed some kind of habit/addiction as he seemingly couldn't even wait twenty minutes or so till the internet on his laptop started working again.

I guess the reason I'm asking is that I don't really know what to say to him. I think I need to say something to make sure he knows to delete the history if he looks at anything dodgy on the downstairs computer, but I don't know whether to say anything else as well? Also, should I talk to him about it myself or would it be better coming from DH? I don't want to embarass him or make him feel it's something shameful but at the same time I don't want his younger brother/sisters to see anything they shouldn't.

BM x

OP posts:

Report

piscesmoon · 15/08/2009 19:56

You seem very tolerant of porn. I would have a frank discussion about degradation of women, without caring about how embarrassing he finds it. I think I would go through the history with him to check that it isn't something even worse. I would only have a 16 yr old on the internet in a family room so that they know that anyone can come in at any time and that I would be viewing the history and would be very suspicious if it was wiped. I would make it quite clear that if he has to view it he waits until he is an adult and has left home.

BitOfFun · 15/08/2009 20:00

I agree with piscesmoon. If he wants to degrade women he should do it on his own dollar when he can afford a flat....

BitOfFun · 15/08/2009 20:02

Jeez, what happened to letting them have a copy of the Littlewoods catalogue and going to their room? A generation of young men were brought up on long-line girdles- it was good enough for them!

piscesmoon · 15/08/2009 20:24

Before the internet they would have found it very difficult and/or embarrassing to get hold of it-now it is all too easy. It is giving teenagers a totally false, unrealistic and unhealthy view of sex-as a commodity, not as part of a loving relaionship. It is using other people for self gratification and all to do with power over others. Horrible and not the sort of thing that an impressionable young person should be viewing-not without in depth discussions about the sex trade,poverty in 3rd world, drug addiction, pimps, crime etc.

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 20:24

piscesmoon and BitOfFun - DS is def aware of the issues surrounding porn as DH had a talk with him about it when he reached puberty. And I have been through the history and there is nothing too "hardcore" on there.

I think it would be hypocritical and pointless of me and DH to "forbid" him from watching porn, seeing as DH (and I on occasion) watch it, and he could just do it while we're out anyway.

OP posts:

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 20:27

Sorry piscesmoon, cross-posted...

"It is giving teenagers a totally false, unrealistic and unhealthy view of sex-as a commodity, not as part of a loving relaionship."

DS is in a loving relationship and to be quite honest at 16 I would rather he was wanking rather than releasing all his sexual tension in having sex with his gf.

OP posts:

dittany · 15/08/2009 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherbeyond · 15/08/2009 20:31

oh,lighten up pisces! he's a teenage boy,not a pimp!my brother used to stash his well thumbed copy of razzle under his bed.we ALL knew it was there. i think it's pretty normal to look at porn ,and the internet is just a more modern way of doing it.id just tell him it's not on doing it on the family computer.wouldn't be bothered if it embarrassed him one bit!
however, if you find any beastiality sites..then you can worry!

pagwatch · 15/08/2009 20:32

I have a 16 year old DS and I think I must be missing something here.
Why can you not just say to him

" either stop using my computer to look at porn or remember to delete what you have been looking at - because if your siblings find inappropriate stuff because you are an idiot then I will be really angry with you!"

If you are talking to him about contraception and STDs etc why is this a problem ?

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 20:34

motherbeyond: Thanks for replying, I think I will get DH to have a word with him.

And yes, if I had found anything like that then I think a serious chat would be in order!

OP posts:

mrsjammi · 15/08/2009 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 20:40

pagwatch - He does find the "sex talks" quite embarassing but I force the necessary ones on him. I just wasn't sure whether this was one of the "necessary" ones iyswim.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 15/08/2009 20:53

Fair enough.
then get DH to do it .

I have just talked about sex with DS for years so he is more likely to yawn than be mortified.

But the issue sin't really sex -it is him not respecting your computer and not protecting his sibs.
I just thought I was missing something - I often do

foxinsocks · 15/08/2009 21:01

are you sure it's him and not dh?

seems odd that a 16yr old would bother to come downstairs and use the family computer if he has his own

brummiemummie · 15/08/2009 21:15

Yes foxinsocks I'm fairly sure it wasn't DH as he was in bed with me. I am a very light sleeper and nearly always wake up when he gets up, so I can't see how he would have sneaked out of bed and then back in again an hour later without me noticing.

I'm sure he would have admitted to it when I told him what I'd found if it had been him, anyway.

I suppose it could actually have been our younger DS but it does seem unlikely as he's only 11

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 16/08/2009 19:47

Erm, don't want to make you feel uneasy, but 11 isn't an unusual age to start getting interested.

moopymoo · 16/08/2009 19:50

i think i live on a different planet. maybe just naive however. porn is not ok in this house, especially not for children.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2009 19:54

you sound a bit of pushover where your ds is concerned, tbh

I would actually be very angry if this happened in my house, why are you hesitaing to tear him off a strip

2am, 16 yo, watching porn on a pc he knows young sibs use ? How does he manage to get up in the morning?

why do you have to cut him slack just 'cos you and dh watch porn too?

he is your child, not an equal

password the family pc, he is acting selfishly and irresponsibly and so are you (young children potentially exposed to porn because you are reluctant to confront your own son ???? I don't get it)

I suppose what he does on his own laptop is up to him (but I would not be so liberal, tbh)

to summarise, your house, your rules

however

AnyFucker · 16/08/2009 19:56

oops, random "however" there

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 16/08/2009 19:58

Im sorry but i find it hard to accept a 16 year being allowed to watch porn, but its up to parent i guess.
I would put a child protection on the PC, so they cant access it at all, j0ob done.

I would then have a very frank talk with ds about porn, addiction and where he should watch it (at all).

Its not on his leaving it for younger ones to find, shame on him.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2009 20:01

I agree lisa

and shame on OP for even thinking twice before putting a stop to it

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 16/08/2009 22:03

So, really, the OP needs to show her DS how to delete his browsing histories.

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piscesmoon · 16/08/2009 22:30

OP simply needs to put child protection on and there will be no need!

AnyFucker · 16/08/2009 23:21

pisces, but then that will limit her own and her partners viewing

it is missing the point just to put limits on

the 16 yo boy needs limits, not the pc

piscesmoon · 17/08/2009 07:24

True-but I definitely think that a 16yr old needs limits. It gives a totally false impression of women and relationships.

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