Mother's naivity

[MrsSnape]

I'm worried about my mum and the problems she is having with my younger sister (14). My mum has no understanding of anything modern including the way schools work. On her year 6 SATS she got a level 3 for her maths. My son got a level 3 in year 2 and everyone was really pleased with him so in a room full of people my mum said "thats great! S*** (my sis) also got a level 3 in hers last week!) she thought because everyone was praising my son, my sister must have done well too as she got the same grade but didn't realise she should be higher in year 6. Everyone else of course knew but obviously didn't say anything.

Now she's in year 9 and is doing more SATS, in her mocks she got a level 4 and my mum was telling anyone who would listen how great she'd done...my sister plays on it and asks for treats as a reward when she knows full well how the system works.

At the moment they're supposed to be studying for proper SATS for at least 20 minutes a night, my sister spends all night on the PC playing games and watching videos and then goes downstairs holding her head saying she's been studying so hard my mum automatically believes her and buys her treats at weekends etc.

She makes stuff up to stay off school, usually about other kids bullying her but the latest one was about the dinner ladies picking on her, when my mum was about to go into school guns blazing she said "well, I didn't actually hear what they said and they could have been talking about someone else now that I think about it..." that could have caused loads of trouble.

The latest one is that she has it in her head that she wants to be homeschooled. Thing is if this was a reality she would not get up, not learn and basically see it as her getting out of education for good. So she says people are making her life unbearable, she sits and cries and as soon as my mum starts crying and says something like "maybe home ed wouldn't be such a bad idea" my sister immediately says something like "thats what we need to do...everything would be different if we did that" and she then goes upstairs with a smile and plays on her computer games whilst my mum cries her eyes out downstairs for hours.

How do I help or should I stay out of it?

[Mercy]

I don't have any advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say what an awful situation for your mum.

I'm guessing your dad isn't around; do you know if your mum has spoken to the school about the situation? (or anyone else)

[Mercy]

bump for you

[juuule]

Mrssnape, Is this the same sister as on your previous thread here?
What changed that now makes you think that your sister is stringing your mother along with tales of bullying, etc? and angling to be home-ed?
Has your mum attended any parent's evenings? What have the teachers told her about your sister's progress? Has her well-being within school been discussed? What was the school's opinion?
It sounds a very confusing situation for all concerned.

[Peapodlovescuddles]

Oh dear, what a horrible situation.
Would it be constructive if you explained to your sister you know she is behind because she isn't trying hard. Your mum will find out eventually and she will be very upset that she has been misled, surely she must read your sisters reports?
But it does sound like your sister is an unhappy child, she needs to be shown that she has to at least try at school and you will be pleased for her if she does, what about saying how proud you'd be if she got a level 5 (expected level for a 14 year old) in one of her subjects or whatever target is appropriate?
Failing that how about you arranging to speak to her head of year/ head teacher even without your mother, explaining your worries and family situation and asking them for help? Maybe then they could call your mother in and explain what is happening in no uncertain terms?

I hope you get this sorted out soon, what GCSEs is she taking perhaps if she chooses a more vocationalone she has a real flair for/interest in (maybe health and social care or leisure and tourism etc) she might discover a passion for learning?

[Blandmum]

I would tell your mother that the expect level for an average child at the end of year 9 is a 5, not a 4, your mother has a right to know the facts.

For a child who gets a 3 at the end of KS2 you would be expevted to get between a 4.5 and a 5

Regarding your sisters behaviour in school do you think your mother could be persuaded to ask for her to be put on report so that your mum can see exacly how she is behaving? That way she can't duck the issue