help..... is this normal for a 15yr old

[pandagirl03]

Tonight i had a phone call from dp's ex, she was in a right state saying her and dsd had a massive row and dsd squared up to her and went to hit her. Dsd will not listen to anyone at all. She kicked off because she was told she was not aloud to stay at her mates house the night. This behaviour has been happening on and off for the last two years. It goes in good and bad spells. At a loss as what to do now. We have all tried talking to her, grounding her, taking away phone, tv etc none of which work. Any suggestions please needed.

[Dynamicnanny]

Not sure what to say but maybe counselling would work - to see what's going on - maybe it's pmt if it happens in spells - whats she like after she calms down - goes into a good spell ? x

[pandagirl03]

shes had counselling too. didn't do anything, went for a year. Well normally her step dad has to physically lift her up and put her in her room as she will not stop. But normally she will come down a bit later like nothing has happened say sorry and just carry on like normal. Then for a few days will be good. We are all at a loss with this. Dont think her mum can take much more.

[Rosbo]

No...no its not normal.
But you can stop it.

[dippymother]

My sympathies, it is hard dealing with teenagers. If it's any consolation, you are not alone - I have a 15 year old DD who is also a nightmare a lot of the time. I keep wondering where I went wrong. We try our best to provide a happy home life and work hard to pay for clubs, clothes etc and what thanks do you get. Sweet FA. I'm hoping its a hormonal thing and that she will grow out of it. She used to be a lovely girl, who was good at home and school, maybe she's now trying to assert her independence but shouting and screaming won't get her anywhere but it doesn't stop her trying to push the boundaries.

It is hard but there should be consequences for bad behaviour, like confiscating something or preventing her going out to something she has been looking forward to. She will hate you for it (and create a fuss) but she's got to learn that there is a consequence for unacceptable behaviour. I can't help wondering if counselling is giving her the attention she may well crave. Perhaps, instead, by giving her lots of attention when she is good, it will dawn on her that she is more likely to get what she wants when behaving well rather than when she is kicking off. I'd be inclined to ignore her when she is argumentative and walk away, or send her to her room to think/calm down.

[talkingmongoose]

I'm pretty sure I can remember slapping my mother at that age, tempers run high.

[pandagirl03]

Thanks for the advice, we have tried the walking away, she then follows you around still going on or shouting. If you tell her to go to her room and calm down or walk away and calm down she will just point blank ignore you. I wonder if there is a deeper problem. Dp has spoken to dsd tonight and apparently her mother hit her so she put her arms up in self defence not to do anything to her mother. Then she is saying her step dad pushed her into the wine rack and thats how the bottles got smashed and not her kicking them. This is a difficult situation, really unsure what to do.

[anorak]

Rosbo your post isn't very useful unless you can give some advice about how to stop it.

Unless you do it just sounds like a criticism.

[windygalestoday]

i think its quite normal its very hard being 15 with all the angst that goes with it let alone having step mothers and other distant relatives,i find(shines halo) that talking about it helps ,trying to sort out worries and reasons why shes so pent up,explaining your side of the story and trudging thru it -this cant always be done sharing a hot chocolate sometimes a good shouting match clears th air- i would imagine many mums of 15 year olds get this and many mums of 17 year olds remember this phase.

i have a 14 yer old and he is a smashing lad but prone to the odd mood generally it resolves itself and i develop a shortterm memory til the next time.