sleepovers - AIBU to expect some advance warning of issues?

[tatt]

In the past two weeks I've had childen with gluten and dairy intolerance, a vegetarian, one with possible nut allergy (parents didn't know that we have a nut free house), one who doesn't eat wheat because it upsets their digestion (and who turned out to eat hardly anything except rice and meat) and one who isn't allowed to change in a public changing room (invite made it clear they were going swimming). AIBU to expect that the parents should either have phoned to warn me or ensured that their teen did?

I would NEVER let my nut allergic child go to a sleepover without making sure they had phoned to check the mother knew and was willing to cater for them.

[mustrunmore]

Oh my God, I'm dreading sleepover age!!

Of course you should get forewarned about such things.

Having said that, I'll prob be the worrying parent that all the others hate, for sending a list of instructions with the ds's when they stay over

[Hassled]

I once had a boy - he and DS1 were about 9 -whose asthma was triggered by cats (we have cats) and who had arrived without inhalers or anything else. He wheezed in a scary way and eventually we brought him home - unbelievable. Maybe I should have asked re the cats but isn't the onus on the parent to check these things?

[themoon66]

For something as serious as a nut allergy I would say yes, you would need to know in advance. Other stuff like vegetariansim I would expect my teen to speak up for themselves and tell their mate to tell their mum.

Not sure what to say to a teen who announces he/she cannot change in a public area I suppose I'd just say 'well you'll have to sit and watch from the balcony then' and leave them to decide what they wanted to do.

[mumeeee]

Yes you should have advanced warning about these things. How old are your children?
I always make sure my teens tell me what thier friends can eat.

[Saggarmakersbottomknocker]

I think, as teens they should be responsible enough to tell you themselves of any issues - although from a parents POV I would (and do)pass on info about anything life threatening.

My dd has health issues and there comes a point where you have to step back and leave them to it. She doesn't appreciate me calling another parent and clarifying things.

[Milliways]

My DD told me half an hour before her friends arrived once that one friend had just become Veggie. I had made fajitas, but got a pizza out the oven for her!

MOst Teens will sort themselves out and ask about nuts etc - but for serious allergies I would want to know as host.

[tatt]

yes my kids had given me some warning. But they didn't know the details of their friend's condition/ how extensive their food fads were. Surely parents should teach their children to let a hostess know if they are going to refuse to eat things?

And the child who couldn't change in public had put their swimming costume on in my home so told me only when they came out of the pool wet. That was the child's parents rule, BTW, worried about paedophiles.

[themoon66]

tatt... how on earth did you get a dripping wet teenager home?

[brimfull]

Are these young teens ,cause I would say most teen sleepovers have zilch parental input.

[tatt]

first sleepover middle teens, second one young teens.

One child had left their coat behind so the wet child sat on that (waterproof side up) while I drove off with the heater on full blast. Best I could manage with no warning as I was running a little late. Couldn't think - offhand and sleep deprived - of anywhere else they could change as they'd presumably rejected the toilets already.

I don't expect the parents to ring me but I do feel they should make sure their child does. It's part of raising your child properly! As it is I spent a lot on gluten and dairy free food - which they didn't eat - while they emptied the house of meat.

[Loshad]

I always speak to the parents if mine are having/going to a sleepover - having nearly been the victim of a teenage lie which would have involved them sleeping out overnight in a major city for a dare !!!
so have reverted to pre-teen behaviour, they can only sleepover if the parent of said child rings me first,or I always ring their mates parents if they are having anyone over.
I don't apologise for it, and if anyone thinks me overcautious, well so be it - I'd rather that than having their safety seriously compromised.
So hopefully parents would tell me on the phone of child did have allergy or whatever.

[bebopallula]

we had a sleepover... i expected music giggling, larking around but the 4 of them sat outside smoking!(and not just tobacco)i said i wasn't into it and why didn't they come in watch a movie... they came in and one friend turned a shade of green after having too many, and proceeded to throw up in the kitchen bin, he needed a shower,then shortly after showing him where it was, he showed me the rest of his meal, which had half filled the bath! they all went to sleep,except mine who was sitting up watching a movie alone! nice one mmm...i did mention the smoking to one friend's kid and we dealing with it, but watch out!

[purpleduck]

crikey you do alot of entertaining!!!!

[cory]

Well, parents who don't allow their teen to change in a public changing room for fear of paedophiles are going to be bonkers anyway, so wouldn't expect much consideration out of them.

For the rest, I'd expect the parents to tell me in advance of anything life-threatening. If it's just a fad and I'm not told in advance, then tough shit- a night's fasting isn't going to do them any harm. I make it a habit never to look at what child guests are eating- it can only make you depressed.

[Freckle]

Even advance warning isn't always foolproof. Ds2 had a friend with various food intolerances/allergies for a birthday sleepover. About 2 weeks beforehand I received a comprehensive list of what he couldn't eat and what he could have as substitutes. Great. Organised the whole weekend around this child's needs even cooking two birthday cakes so that everyone could eat what they wanted. Overnight he threw up in a major way - to the extent that we had to ditch the sleeping bag and air bed and clean the carpet.

When his dad came to collect him, we explained what had happened (I had offered to drive the poor child home in the middle of the night as he was so upset and at times like that you just want your mum, but he chose to stay on), his dad asked if he'd had any coke. Well, yes, he had. "Oh that'll do it every time" says dad. Well, coke wasn't on the list of forbidden foods and the child was helping himself most of the time (we don't often even have coke in, but it was Ds2's birthday and his request). Dad thought it was rather amusing, I less so.