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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

how would you react if your 16 yr old came home from a party quite drunk?

38 replies

brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:34

I know it's the done thing ,I probably did the same thing.
But I felt really angry with her.Have explained how I want her to be careful as her safety is compromised when she's drunk etc.

Advised her not to drink cider all night,to dilute with lemonade if possible as she's small and I think is way too strong a drink.I know I sound really old and fuddy duddy but it is very worrying.
How do you react?

OP posts:

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colditz · 27/01/2008 23:36

Put her to bed and tell her off in the morning. She will do it anyway, I'm afraid .... and if she was drinking cider, it's a wiser choice than party-poured spirits.

brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:38

it was last night
yup,she went straight to bed and surprisingly perky this am...I fondly remember those days when I didn't suffer hangovers.

funnily enough she did sya loads of them were on straight vodka and she was offered pot quite a few times and thankfully refused.

thanks for the reassurance

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WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:39

Roll eyes and patronise, probably (but I'm on DC4 and have got a bit blase about it all )

With a bit of luck she'll have a terrible hangover in the morning and you can bang and crash around her.

You don't sound old and fuddy duddy at all btw. They need telling (whether they listen is another matter...). Cider is very innocuous, it seems like a pleasant and harmless drink at the time - with luck she will learn from the experience.

SenoraParsnip · 27/01/2008 23:42

do you mean insidious rather than innocuous, wendy?

I can vouch for the well-balanced-ness of ww's ex-teenagers btw. I think patronising is the way to go.

BecauseImWorthIt · 27/01/2008 23:43

But cider isn't innocuous at all! It's often 5% abv - the same strength as something like Becks.

However, it is drunk in volume, unlike spirits. I think that this is what scares me most with my dcs in terms of them discovering alcohol. That vodka is the drink of choice and is so freely available and affordable. When I was their age, a bottle of vodka was just totally out of the question as we couldn't afford it.

brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:44

thanks guys

was thinking of saying that I'd ground her if she came home that drunk again....but she'll probably just stay out won't she.

she seems to have grown up a lot so suddenly

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WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:47

No, I mean innocuous, don't I? - it seems harmless but it isn't - isn't that what innocuous means???

hunkermunker · 27/01/2008 23:48

Don't just tear her a new one for drinking cider.

Make mention of how proud she can be of herself for refusing pot as well, maybe?

I dunno, mine aren't teenagers for a while, but I remember being one clearly and if I'd got a mahoosive bollocking for drinking cider, I'd have thought, "Ach, sod it, may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb" and drunk vodka and had a spliff the next time. Sensible, wasn't I?!

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:49

Bloody hell, I've been reading/using it wrong all these years

What is the word for "seems harmless but isn't" then?

(I discovered yesterday that DD2 has always used the word aloof to mean away with the fairies - she must have got that from me )

Heathcliffscathy · 27/01/2008 23:49

what hunker said.

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:51

Oh, SP, thanks for the vouch!

brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:51

innocuous is right isn't it

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brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:54

ok ,may have come down on her a bit hard.

I did at least praise her for refusing the pot...phew did something right.

Not used to seeing her pissed,was strange and quite unsettling.

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SnappyLaGore · 27/01/2008 23:56

at the time, a hard-to-read combo of slightly psychotic and laughing at them (important to emphasise at, not with. but let them think with. for a minute or so.)

in the morning, a simlilar mix of bored and boring. ie, 'oh getting drunk is so last generation' and 'do you know that...[list of risks].

thats my plan anyway.
what do you think?

Heathcliffscathy · 27/01/2008 23:56

ggirl you're muddling through it's easy to see it at a distance, i'd have probably hit the roof. but she sounds sensible and communicative and you need to encourage that as much as you can. positive praise baby positive praise

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:56

If it's the first time this has happened I'd say you handled it very well, ggirl!

But probably worth raising the subject again in order to have a nice calm chat about it, explaining again about her personal safety (as well as how good she was to turn down the harder stuff)

brimfull · 27/01/2008 23:58

thanks soph

snappy- I do agree but part of me doesn't want her to think that it's fine with us that she gets pissed.

I'll read this thread in a yrs time and howl at myself won't I.

It's all a bit PFB

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brimfull · 28/01/2008 00:00

wendy-thanks,will discuss further with her.I know she's a good kid really.

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SnappyLaGore · 28/01/2008 00:02

eh? my plan was supposed to put them off. do you not think it would do that?

my parents sanctioned my alcohol and weed consumption. which youd think would put you off, wouldnt you? but no. not for a while. they 'trusted' me. hadehaha. not that i became a crackhead or anything, so i guess it worked in a way...

hunkermunker · 28/01/2008 00:03

I see getting drunk as a teenager as a mixture of experimentation and wanting to be seen as an adult.

I would worry that, if you do as you plan, Nappies, you push your teenager further towards the friends who are drinking, etc - because they "understand" your teenager.

I would have responded far more to my parents getting to know my friends, not sneering at them or the things I was doing. I was told things my friends were doing were "sad" and "pathetic" - I can see now it was because my parents wanted better for me, because they were worried about me.

All I did was think, "Well, if you think those sorts of things about the people I've chosen as friends, it doesn't say much about what you think of me, so I'll just keep on doing whatever I like and not tell you anything again".

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/01/2008 00:03

DS1 discovered alcohol at NYE - at our party - and I didn't handle it well at all

He was with 4 of his friends, and he asked if they could have a drink. They range in age from 15 to 17. I said yes, being pleased that they had asked.

What I hadn't bargained for was that they would then continue to sneak drinks all evening.

At midnight, when we all went outside to look at the fireworks, they went round the corner to another house where one of the girls they know from another school was also having a party. And then they didn't come home - they decided to go and hang around our local tram stop.

I was really cross - but we couldn't do anything about it (short of going round there and dragging them back - but we were also hosting a party).

When DS1 finally reappeared, and his mates had gone, I realised just how much he had had to drink. He was swaying, but insisted he'd only had 1 or 2! I made him come upstairs into my bathroom and drink a large glass of water down in one. This had the desired effect of making him throw up.

I don't know if I did him any favours really. He obviously felt fine the next day, whereas if I'd left him to ingest all the alcohol he had drunk he would no doubt have had a horrible hangover.

It is inevitable. I know, because I remember what I was like! I just wish there was an easy way to communicate to them how vulnerable they are when they're drinking/drunk.

SnappyLaGore · 28/01/2008 00:09

oh.
right then.
rethink time.
thats interesting tho, coz at the same time, i was totally allowed to do whatevr i liked. and im pretty sure thats not the way to go either.

they did say that theyd rather know what i was up to than have me lie to them, hence me being allowed to do what i liked and talk about it. and i did tell them, its true. if i were going out at age 16 all night to a club, then going back to a friends house and not coming home for 36 hours or so, that was fine.

but you know, trusting me was one thing. but they ought not to have trusted all the people in said clubs not to, um, be bad. that was a touch of naivety on their part imo.

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brimfull · 28/01/2008 00:10

bacauseI'mworthit- Yes it was NYE when dd was really pissed for the first time.I am assuming.
It was her b'day and she had a party here.
We were here and I wasn't so annoyed as last night ,probably becasue she was at home,it was her party adn it was nye.

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brimfull · 28/01/2008 00:12

nappy-my parents were very trusting as well.Far too trusting imo.

I was far far worse than dd..hence my nervousness I think.

I think keeping the communication lines open is good but there has to be some guidance as well.

God it;s a tough one

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SnappyLaGore · 28/01/2008 00:12

my dad took me aside on the way in to a firework party once (i was about 12 i think) and said,
'listen, i know theres alcohol in there and youll have it if you want it. but heres the thing; one drink makes you feel funny. 2 makes everything hilarious... but then you have a leeetle bit too much and you feel like crap and want the world to end. so take it easy, ok?'

worked a treat.
i didnt get drunk for a whole year after that.

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