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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

1 2

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

feeling like crap. just been to parents evening and it was dire.

27 replies

2shoes · 15/11/2007 17:38

both ds and I are gutted.
Ok if he REALLY works hard he can turn it around. but at the moment I feel like the worst mum in the world. where was I whilst he was doing crap.
he has his mocks in december so he has got so much catching up to do just to scrape through.

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TellusMater · 15/11/2007 17:41

Not too late by any stretch of the imagination 2shoes. Really.

Mocks are just that. A good chance to consolidate, but not the real thing.

He has enough time before May to sort himself out.

Is he up to date with coursework?

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2shoes · 15/11/2007 17:47

no!
that is a lot of the trouble. but to be fair all the teachers said that if he put the work in things would be better.
english is going to be hard though as he has the "an imaginitive brain" acording to teach but has trouble putting it in to words,

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Notquitegrownup · 15/11/2007 17:53

Echoing TM. (I'm an ex secondary teacher.)

The run up to mocks is often when the reality of what needs to be done sinks in. A month's focused effort until mocks is OK. Try to draw up a timetable with him for revision, but get him to put extra revision sessions in on five key subjects in which he can get some success. The shock of doing badly can be an incentive, but some success will help him to see that it is worth putting in the hours.

Then there are the Christmas hols to catch up with any coursework he's behind on, and five months until the real thing. It can be done.

Best of luck

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TellusMater · 15/11/2007 17:54

There's enough time to sort the coursework I'm sure.

Do you think it has given him a big enough boot up the backside?

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2shoes · 15/11/2007 17:57

Notquitegrownup good idea about the time table
TellusMater i hope it did. he can work at school as well lunchtimes and after school so hopefully do able
Hope people keep these good ideas coming as I am starting to feel better.

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Blandmum · 15/11/2007 17:58

Now is the time not to panic, but to get him to turn his abilities to work.

Revising early is the key, little and often is better than a cramming session at the end of the school year.

Do the school recoend revision books? The CGP ones are quite good, but make sure you get the right ones for the courses that your ds is following. BBC bitesize is also good for online revision.

Course work needs to be sorted first.

Then revision. Carrot and stick, help him with his planning, soft rewards when he does the work.

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Notquitegrownup · 15/11/2007 17:59

With English, (ex English teacher!) you could get him to do some practice pieces with you, where he talks you through what he wants to say, before he writes it, sentence by sentence.

Boys tend to write more slowly than girls - it's a physical thing - and can get frustrated/give up trying to get their ideas down. Putting into words verbally/telling you, and then writing down what he has told you enables him to slow his thinking down a little, whilst he writes.

Set him a variety of tasks - a tourist brochure on your town; the opening of an "atmospheric" (ghost?) story; a formal letter of complaint, and try the technique above, giving lots of praise/encouragement along the way.

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Peachy · 15/11/2007 18:03

Mocks for teens dont work as a concept- I know they need them for progress / if theyr'e sick in the actuals etc.... but none of the pupils I mentored last year took the mocks at all sewriosuly- well, why would they? teens are invincible right, they cant get sick or miss an exam after all.

So don't panic!

You know best what motivates him, personally I alwys found cash and teens went well! don'yt reward for final results though- saw that happen to one kid and she salved, when she failed she was devastated as she ahd worked really ahrd against some pretty severe odds (severe dyslexia, dad would only accept a C or above, wasn't going to happen). perhaps think abut a reward for time spent actually working?

See if you can set soem targets with him as well- and make them owrkable; social life important as well! get him to plan out what he feels he needs sociallya nd then work around that (you may have to negotiate a bit LOL!)

Most of all remember this: they're NOT the end of the world. I just a palce on the MA, right? I'm doing OK. Well how about if I told you that during my A level exams I went to the beach isntead of turning up.... sitting resits isn't ideal but you know what, won't kill him- and might just teach a very valuable lesson!

Have you looked at the BBC bitesize websites etc (he shoudl ahve a list)- often the best way make a subjecta ccessible.

And ask at the school if they ahev a mentor system in place. The one I worked on was great.

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2shoes · 15/11/2007 18:09

oh you are all lovely. i am going to print this all of so that I don't forget any of this.

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flamingtoaster · 15/11/2007 18:15

Don't panic - there is lots of time! I second CGP are excellent - and boys like them because they actually have humour in them. They are also easy for parents to understand well enough to be able to ask questions verbally from the guide to help recall/revision. This means you can get a lot of revision/recall practice in a short time. I also agree with notquitegrownup about talking him through some English tasks before/while writing.

The bbc revision site is good, as is www.s-cool.co.uk/default.asp There are lots more listed here: www.greenfield.durham.sch.uk/acGCSE_Revision.htm in case he doesn't like the ones already suggested, or wants a change.

Good luck.

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2shoes · 15/11/2007 21:19

thank you everyone.
your advice has made me stop wanting to cry.
thanks for taking the time to post

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Lilymaid · 15/11/2007 21:25

At presentation evening for 2007 GCSEs last night DS's old deputy head said that things had been not so wonderful this time last year with the year 11s but that they pulled themselves together - particularly after their mocks results and did very well. Guess this is quite a common problem - hope your DS takes it to heart and gets down to work.

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lilolilmanchester · 15/11/2007 21:30

2shoes, I feel for you. Know only too well how those parents evenings feels and also the frustration of trying to make reluctant kids mend their ways. Have just been looking for another thread which you might find encouraging - someone posting about their DS not having done half his course work then doing ok in his GCSEs. Anyone else know which one I mean?

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Lilymaid · 15/11/2007 21:36

It was this thread and the boy did well ... in the end!

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lilolilmanchester · 15/11/2007 21:36

here

Might be some useful hints for you on there. But will be watching this thread too cos in exactly same position

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2shoes · 15/11/2007 22:17

thanks I remeber seeing that thread. have read it and feel lucky that i have had a bit more warning. belated thanks to themoon66 as her thread has helped me.

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themoon66 · 15/11/2007 23:31

Hi 2shoes.... you are me last year. At least it's only November for your DS. I didn't find out until the Easter that mine was way-way behind.

My DS's answer to missing coursework was to start skiving school altogether so watch out for that too.

Good luck and keep posting.

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2shoes · 16/11/2007 11:15

the good news is that he is sitting finishing a bit of dram course work and he is not making a fuss.
he has 2 bits to do this weekend. dram and english. so he is finishing the drama and then will do the english over saturday and sunday. so looking good so far.

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lilolilmanchester · 16/11/2007 19:07

that's great, definitely a step in the right direction.

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frazzledbutcalm · 17/11/2007 09:07

Its so hard to get teenagers to do what you want and know is best for them. ds teacher advised us (as he does with own children) to set firm routine. His kids know that between 6 and 8 every night they have to do homework and revision. He said they dont argue anymore about it as its not negotiable. Personally, i feel 2 hours is too long, i aim for half an hour with ds and hope to build up from that. Ask school for websites to revise from, our school has great maths website. its all about maths games so it makes it kinda fun iyswim

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Fireflytoo · 17/11/2007 09:45

Get yourself and your DS a big bottle of Bach Rescue remedy...great for stress.

Do you or do you know someone who knows how to use mindmaps? This is one of the most effective and least stressful ways of studying and there is an element of fun (and chaos) in it that boys may be drawn to.

I teach Geography GCSE and in my experience boys don't tend to like or do very well at the coursework (which is a shame as it is guaranteed marks). They might not even do that well in mocks. But they are usually the ones who get their acts together and surprise everyone with their final marks.

Does he want to go to college and need a certain number of A's etc? Because quite frankly I think the pressure to get A*'s is ridiculous. If he gets the minimum grades he needs, that is all he needs isn't it? But it is good to aim as high as you can I suppose to ensure you get what you need.

I suggest you contact all his teachers (or did you get this at parent's eve?) and ask what he needs to do for all his coursework to get up to date. Then help him to work out a schedule to systematically catch up.

In our school Y11 pupils are expected to work 70 mins per week on each subject. This might help. Working in chunks of 20 mins with 5 (ONLY 5 ) mins breaks has been shown to be most effective. If he is behind he may have to do a bit more. And after an hour a 15 min break.

In my own experience (I have zilch self discipline) it is the getting started that is the hardest. Does he have an environment that is condusive to study?

And see if you can get him to talk to you about it..we have a boy in our school who ended up quite depressed because he got so behind. We sort of gave him amnesty and a period in which to catch up. He is now doing much better and seems happier in himself too .. which is what really concerned me more than the coursework TBH.

Good luck.

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Blondilocks · 17/11/2007 14:17

I think the key is just to be there & support & help by offering to test him etc & provide rewards, even something little like his favourite tea.

Most people I know improved a lot between the mocks & the real thing ... for a start there's still a good few months of new stuff to cover.

Definitely think a plan is good, break everything down into more manageable chunks. When you think of everything that has to be done without a plan it always seems worse IMO.

Good luck to him with his studying.

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browniedropout · 17/11/2007 17:58

Year 11 pre mock parents evening for my son was the worst parent's evening of my life. I was so scarred .. and I do mean scarred not scared .. that I didn't go to my daughter's equivalent year 11 pre mock parent's evening. Teachers have been doing this to "how do I get this student/family motivated... I've tried everything else... they didn't work... but they turned up to parent's evening. U are rare, a parent of a borderline pupil (they never do this stuff to the no-hoper kids), who turned up. Take a step back... recognise it means the teacher thinks thinks there is a point is attacking... he/she wants your dear child to get off their arse and work.

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2shoes · 17/11/2007 18:17

have to say most of the teachers seemed to show genuine concern and feel he can do it. he won't get A'a but with work he can pass. I think it has given him a scare. but not sure if he will keep doing the work,

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fortyplus · 18/11/2007 10:29

Invest some money in revision guides.

Keep up a good relationship with him - try to ensure that your disappointment at his lack of effort so far isn't channelled into negativity from him.

Hopefully he's had a wake-up call and will knuckle down.

At the end of the day - who really looks at GCSE grades? As long as he passes the core subjects and gets a good grade in those he wants to pursue at A level he'll be fine.

I've seen worse problems with kids who sail through GCSEs with straight As and don't realise they have to work for A level.

Chins up, now!