new school neurosis

[goggles]

Moving our 12 year old after one year at our local comp to a private school further away is causing us all heartache. How can we help her keep her chin up when all she wants is to go back to the easy life and friends she had before. The new school is so much better for her, but it doesn't look that way to her just now. The old friends are already moving on and it will take a while to make new ones, so in the meantime it all feels like a betrayal to her. Must be a lot of kids in the same boat just now with the new term. If I feel this bad, how bad must she feel!

[lijaco15]

You are doing the right hing I think that everything will fall into place soon. I have lost faith in the local comp education system. You will have saved her from how awful schools are going now. It is agood age to start fresh rather than have bad influences later especially if she has lots of potential . I have two teenage boys who have now left school and I have had personal experience. Just be as supportive as possible and things will be ok in a few weeks. Good luck!

[goggles]

Thanks - great to have some moral support. I hadn't bargained for how emotional all this makes me feel - goes back to my own childhood I think with feelings of being on the edge socially when I moved to a school some way away while my sisters stayed at the local school with local friends.

[lijaco15]

I think that things have changed a lot now and a good school is more important especially now that local comps are really losing control. She will have a much better chance. I think that as parents we all feel really guilty. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. It will turn out for the better as private schools will work hard to make sure that she settles in well. It is a good age to make new friends. In a few months I don't think that you will look back. I debated this when my son's first started the local comp and it is my biggest regret.

[browniedropout]

just a "hang in there" situation... if u are sure it is best for her?

[browniedropout]

but adding .. to other posts.. don't think comps are losing control... think official bodies have lost the power to enforce soft skills.

[floaty]

My ds13,has just moved from one private school to another more arty one less grammar schooly one ,all for good reasons but i am feeling really guilty ,he is leaving a good group of friends adn i do feel bad about that but I also think in my heart of hearts he will be btter in the long run here...not sure if he is convinced just at the moment though

[lijaco15]

Comps cannot control the problems that they have to deal with. They have no time to put in to the children who really need it. Lack of resources and lack of finances etc. They have to choose who merits what. If your child has a clever ability they cannot nurture it, if your child has problems they cannot help give the required time with all the good will in the world.

[Elphi]

I'm sorry but I find that a totally inaccurate statement. My daughter goes to a wonderful state comp and is very happy there. She is very bright (I refuse to say G&T) and has been challenged in all subjects. The teachers set and follow up on individual targets for all subjects and the curriculum is a healthy balance of the academic and the creative.
I also SENCO at a primary school that feeds into the same school. The contact I have with the special needs team there is excellent. This school is doing a fantastic job with children of all abilities. Please don't write off all state comprehensives because of one bad experience.

[lijaco15]

Most kids who don't present a challenge at a state comp are happy. Primary schools cannot be compared as they are not in comparison.

[goggles]

It's not a level playing field tho - and that's true of the state as well as the private sector. Some schools are just better than others (I think so much is down to the head teacher and senior managemetn team/governors) Thing about the state sector is they have a lot more kids per teacher and a lot less cash per child - the only way around that is for us all as tax payers to put in more .... but like the extra dosh for the NHS it might just disappear into a big black hole to no obvious end improvement. My solution would be stop wasting money on all the academies and special status schools - instead keep the size of secondaries down and if possible teach a middle age range (say 10 - 13 - is that KS3 ?) together and then the older lot together. My child's primary school had the same kids as are now at secondary - the big difference is the huge scale and the sense of things not quite under control among the kids as a result (good school tho it is).

[floaty]

Goggles,just wondered how you are getting on.We seem to have had a bit of a bad week adn I am wondering if we did the right thing,dh won't even discuss it just says decision made now ,stop torturing myself etc.Anyway just wondered if your dd was feeling any happier

[3littlebats]

But goggles - did you realise that what the taxpayer contributes per child per year to the state system is equivalent to the fees for a good private school. The scandal is that over a third of it doesn't reach the schools because of waste, incompetence and maladministration. Just like the NHS.

IMO the best thing that could happen would be for the money to go straight to the schools and the prioroty should be to reduce class sizes and give control back to the teachers.

[3littlebats]

Prority. Must find my glasses.

[3littlebats]

Oh ...PRIORITY.