I've had it with dd's tantrums

(12 Posts)
DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 07:42:47

They are constant at the moment. Last weekend she promised improvement. Lasted four days. Then Friday she kicked off and sent me vicious texts while I was at work. Apologised later, said she waa disappointed in herself, so I let it go. Then yesterday we were in town for something else, half an hour before we had to leave she decided she needed a new coat - she has a coat, just doesn't like it. I said no time now, but I would take her the next day or next weekend. Not good enough, apparently as a mother I should be able to figure out how to do it NOW.
She was mainly jealous because dd1 and ds were getting things and she wasn't - but I would have happily bought her a different coat had she found one in the time available.
Also on Thursday I had taken her alone xmas shopping and out for dinnner.

She ruined AGAIN what had been a really nice afternoon. I am still fuming. I have taken her screens off her but what else can I do to stop these tantrums? They happen at least twice a week and make my life a misery.

hesterton Sun 27-Nov-16 07:44:50

Ignore and don't take them personally ally. I'm guessing she's between 10 and 14? Tis a confusing time for all concerned.

Lilaclily Sun 27-Nov-16 07:45:08

Hi op

That sounds hard , how old is she ?

I don't othink there's much you can do except ride out this at age, taking screens off her, remove privileges like allowance seems to be the only thing that works with secondary school children

hesterton Sun 27-Nov-16 07:45:15

Ally? No idea where ally came from!

DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 07:47:13

I try to remain calm but she gets so vicious when it happens, saying how she doesn't care if I'm upset etcetc

DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 07:47:40

She's 13

DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 07:48:57

And she knows exactly where to go with her accusations - she's the middle child with a younger brother who has sn and is very demanding so she taps into my guilt with her comments

hesterton Sun 27-Nov-16 07:51:55

Don't get upset - just show her you are coolly unimpressed with her ridiculous shenanigans. Walk away and don't engage. Mean no every time you say no so she has no squeeze space to scream her way through.

I said no and that is that.
Absolutely not.
Sort yourself out, it's time to go home.
Look her in the eye, lower your voice and say No at normal volume. Hold on hand up, palm towards her for a second or two. Then spin and walk away.

You can talk when she's calm. I would then say you can't take her shopping again until you can trust her to behave. And stick to it.

DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 07:55:23

I know you're right but it's so hard to stay calm. Ds was for once in a cheery mood and I wanted to show him the lights etc but she completely ruined the atmosphere

hesterton Sun 27-Nov-16 07:58:31

I do understand. This phase won't go on forever though. And to an extent, it is normal.

You have to manage it though without getting to emmersed in her high emotions. Be the calm, grown up one - and manage your own expectations too - it's not the end of the world if she has a tantrum or even the end of your fun or ds's fun unless you allow it that power. Don't let it crawl under your skin. flowers

hesterton Sun 27-Nov-16 08:02:19

Immersed - sorry

DorothyL Sun 27-Nov-16 20:39:16

She's back to being nice... Let's see how long it lasts... Sigh

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