My dd is 16. I am a single parent...calm, loving and supportive.
I am struggling at the moment to cope with the constant demands made on me. She expects me to run her here, run her there, make this, make that, buy this, buy that at a drop of a hat. If I say 2 friends can stay over, she will invite 5. She is moody and everything that affects her is always traced to it being my fault! She is late for everything other than when it involves her bf, refuses to be parted from her phone and tells me how great her dad is, who she hardly sees as he doesn't make any effort to uphold all the promises he made during our divorce.
I don't like to be confrontational but if I ask her about any of these issues, she will always turn it around and I end up feeling undermined. Her room is a tip and she spends every penny she has on rubbish.
My boyfriend gets frustrated by the way she addresses me and her tone of voice. He picked her up on it once and she used the 'you're not my dad, you can't tell me off' attitude.
I am sure it's a phase of life, but wondered if other mums are having similar problems with their teen dd's out there. I'm just getting very worn down by it.
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When do teenagers think about others rather than themselves?
mummyneedssupport · 26/11/2016 09:14
I think it's tough on your own as they don't really get to see other people modelling how to treat you. But you can pull them up on things. Next time she puts the kettle on for herself, say "Would you like a cup of tea mum?...Oh yes please that'd be lovely, thanks DD" ie train her in the basics of being polite. If you have an instinct to avoid confrontation you may need to make a big effort to be assertive with her and not teach her to treat you like a doormat. Maybe see if your BF can offer suggestions if he's aware of when you're letting her be rude - best if she sees it coming from you though rather than him.
And ignore what she says about her dad. Don't try to compete with him to be the nice parent - she needs at least one proper parent in her life, not two mates (otherwise who's she going to blame for everything that goes wrong 
)
Oh you are absolutely not alone. I was just about to start a thread of my own on pretty much the same thing when I saw yours! My 16 yo DD is driving me utterly insane at the moment. Expects to be picked up and dropped off whenever are wherever is convenient to her, with utterly no thought to me. She asked me to buy her a pair of jeans a few weeks ago and when they arrived she told me how comfortable and generally great they were. When the same place had a 50% sale, I ordered her another pair THE SAME. Today she tells her Dad that she needs a new pair of jeans because I bought her a pair that were cheap and rubbish 
Part of the problem is that I struggle to be firm with her because of her past self-harming, but I now that I need to start getting firmer because it is actually ripping this family apart. Best of luck to both of us OP !
I dint give lifts, money etc unless dd can speak to me a civilised manner.
After 3 lads I was flabbergasted at dds hideousness as she became a teenager!
I decided there and then that I would pick her up on it every time (not make a big deal but just say, "please don't speak to me like that?"
I carried it on and had refused to do stuff if she cannot be polite and grateful.
It's worked ok and she's actually very sweet most of the time (15) she's fecking bone idol though which I'm working on 
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