Is nearly 15 too old for 'bedtime'?

(65 Posts)
welshgirlwannabe Wed 09-Nov-16 22:36:08

I take my son's screens off him around 10 -10.30 during the week. He then has to go to 'bed' but can read or write or draw. He is now telling me I'm unreasonable and everyone else is allowed to stay up as long as they like. I have his ipad in my room overnight and it does ping with messages until quite late, but I don't think I'm unreasonable.

He says I treat him like a little kid. Just interested in other opinions/ what you do with your nearly 15 year old screens?

Icequeen01 Wed 09-Nov-16 23:01:14

I have a nearly 17 year old and I ask him to come off his PC at 10.30 pm on a school night. He usually takes about half an hour fiddling about but is usually in bed by 11 pm. At weekends he can do what he likes but he's usually in bed by 11.30pm but will sleep until 1pm the next day if I let him! I don't take his phone off him at night as I think he's a bit old for that now but if I thought he was on it all night I would lay down the law. He leaves the house just after 7.30am for school and he's doing A levels so I feel he still needs a good night's sleep.

I wouldn't take much notice of the 'all my friends can stay up as late as they want' line. I think most parents still ensure they are in bed at a reasonable time on a school night.

welshgirlwannabe Thu 10-Nov-16 07:28:56

Thanks. We get a lot of 'I'm the only one in my class who has to do xyz...' at the moment. Mostly I ignore it but sometimes I waver!

TenaciousOne Thu 10-Nov-16 07:36:04

They all say that, many parents take their phones off teens. I know of at least one parent who has set up their router so it removes internet access to their teen sons devices while they continue to get internet. My friends DS claims that none of his friends have their devices removed but they are mostly (bar one or two) very quiet beyond 10pm every night wink
Children who have their devices taken away won't talk about it, as they don't want to be the uncool one.

Jabuticaba Thu 10-Nov-16 07:44:56

We've always talked about the damage late night screen use can do to your health, sleep, work life and relationships but not made any specific rules. Sometimes if things are going south we make a 7 rule. DS is 14, he has tests all week this week and school starts at 7am so he will not take his phone to the bedroom, at the weekends and occasionally during the week he has done this. But he quickly realises that what they say is true. He's tired, grumpy and his school work and relationships with family plummet. I think it's best if teens learn to be responsible for themselves by 16 because at 18 no one will be there to take phones or tell them to go to bed. The hope then is that the little conscience on their shoulder can keep them on the right track most of the time. Until then it's drum the lesson home but make them feel they are in control and making an active choice rather than being told what to do.

FRETGNIKCUF Thu 10-Nov-16 09:22:16

Gosh. We have no screen time unless for homework on a school night.

Bed is 9ish or rather bedroom. They can read or create until 10pm

MyballsareSandy2015 Thu 10-Nov-16 09:26:35

They all say that no other parents restrict screens but many do.

I have two 15 year olds and start to send them upstairs at 10ish on school nights, all gadgets remain downstairs. More chilled at weekends/hols.

How old are your children Fret? Seems a bit harsh for teens!

Ledkr Thu 10-Nov-16 09:32:25

Dd is nearly 15 and in school nights I use the app "my pact" to block her phone and I pad.
The reason I do this is that she cannot self regulate her use and if I leave it on she will literally be online till 3/4 am then cannot wake up or gets a stinking migraine.
I test her every now and then and she can't do it. Even at weekends I block it from 2am or she is on it all night.
I hope she grows out of it I really do.

BobbieDog Thu 10-Nov-16 09:35:26

I never had rules as a teen. Apart from things like keeping room tidy etc.

I went to bed when i wanted and no1 has ever taken my phone off me.

A nearly 17 year old and a pp is taking the ipad off them??? Seriously?

Somerville Thu 10-Nov-16 09:38:27

I have a child that age and she isn't allowed anything connected to the internet in her bedroom.

Her school recommend all that in the strongest possible terms, which helps with enforcing it.

As for actual bedtime - she would read all night if I didn't insist that all lights go off at 10. (It's only that early because we live a long distance from school so have a very early start.)

As soon as she no longer needs me to wake her up in the morning then she can decide her own lights off time!

MyballsareSandy2015 Thu 10-Nov-16 09:40:14

One of mine is like that Ledkr, completely obsessed. Feel a bit sorry for her sister as she would self regulate but I can't have diff rules for one.

MyballsareSandy2015 Thu 10-Nov-16 09:41:21

Depends on the type of kid Bobbiedog

Susiesue61 Thu 10-Nov-16 09:55:39

DD is 15 and has a rough bedtime of 9.30. Otherwise DH and I would get no peace at all, she talks incessantly! She's pretty good, she goes up around 9.30, generally comes down for a drink or to tell me some amazing gossip she's just remembered hmm
I don't take her phone off her but when I go up to bed, it's on her desk, not in bed with her. Some nights she can't get to sleep and comes down to ask if she can watch a DVD.
Ds1 is 17, he goes up before 10 and goes straight to sleep!

roundandroundthehouses Thu 10-Nov-16 10:00:19

Dd2 will be 15 later this month. Phone stays in the living room overnight on school nights - it's meant to be there by 10:30 but she usually faffs about until about 11pm (has to get up at 7:45).

We recently had suspicions that she was sneaking onto her laptop after that, but learned via a tip on MN that you can disable the wifi for specific devices so we quietly set that to be off from 11pm until 7am. She found out this immediately, which suggests that we were right! She didn't like it but didn't have a leg to stand on when we expressed surprise that she'd even noticed, as it was after she'd gone to bed... grin.

Weekends/holidays she has free rein and seems to turn in about 1am. This can migrate to 3am in holidays but we don't really mind as long as she stays civil during the day.

We did similar to dd1 until a bit over 16, but she's now about to turn 18 and we have no restrictions. I suspect she stays up later than I'd like, but she'll be away at uni next year so needs to learn to self-regulate.

Thatwaslulu Thu 10-Nov-16 10:00:28

My DS is 16, he hasn't got an official bedtime but usually on a school night he's asleep by 10.30-11. I don't confiscate gadgets or regulate their use, but he's fairly sensible. Fridays and Saturdays, and school holidays, he can stay up as long as he likes, providing all his college work is done and he has cleaned and fed his bunny.

Ledkr Thu 10-Nov-16 10:07:28

susie yes, dd yaps constantly and then acts as if she's been violated if anyone so much as kisses or swears on the tv so we also oik her up to bed around 9.30 for a bit of peace (walking dead, American horror etc etc) grin

I read Mn on my phone to get me off to sleep but dd canny do this. Even as a toddler she never fell asleep watch a film or anything.
We are all different

Branleuse Thu 10-Nov-16 11:02:13

I tell my 15 year old to get off the internet between 9/9.30, although sometimes earlier if im wanting an earlier night himself, but hes allowed to watch videos in bed or read, but I want him settled down. I think some of his friends are allowed to be on the internet later, but thats not my problem

pasanda Thu 10-Nov-16 13:58:26

I take ds's phone off him at 10.30pm. He is 15 and a half. He would be on it all bloody night if I didn't. Weekends and holidays I don't but the wifi goes off at 12.30am. If he uses his 4G up, not my problem!

budgiegirl Thu 10-Nov-16 15:19:00

My 15 year old is prompted to head to his bed at about 10pm, and usually manages to be in bed by 10.30. I do let him take his phone with him, but he's always asleep by 10.45pm. He does have to get up for school at 6.45 am though.

At weekends he can go to bed when he wants, and get up when he wants (unless he's got a football match).

Couchpotato3 Thu 10-Nov-16 15:22:46

Suggest you ignore what other people do or say they do, and do what you feel is right for your child. If he/she needs a bedtime and some parental control over screens/internet etc, that's what you do.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 10-Nov-16 15:23:09

I think it depends on the dc.

Ds3 aged 16 has a 10.30 bedtime and we take his phone off him. But he needs his sleep and would be on his phone all night.

DS1 on the other hand when he was 15/16 needed very little sleep so we didn't really monitor his bedtime. He went to bed and slept when he was tired, and was always up,bright eyed and bushy tailed in the mornings.

We only give ds3 a bedtime on school nights; weekends and holidays he can stay up all night If he wants to (he often does, which underlines our giving him a school night bedtime is the right thing to do!)

welshgirlwannabe Thu 10-Nov-16 18:55:39

Thank you for all the advice. It is as I suspected, we are all unreasonable wink

I really like pp advice to try and encourage him to develop his own responsibility. We are not there yet but I know it's something I need to do more of. At the moment thpugh I'm going to continue to be horrible and enforce a screen free bedtime. Thanks all

thethoughtfox Thu 10-Nov-16 18:57:58

I've read how lack of sleep affects teenagers. Apparently one hour of lost sleep a night leads to them achieving an average of one full grade less i.e. only achieving a B instead of an A in a school subject

Icequeen01 Thu 10-Nov-16 19:19:15

Not sure if you are referring to my post Bobbie dog as I have the nearly 17 year old. I didn't say that I took his iPad off him, I said I ask him to come off his computer at 10.30 but we don't take his phone off him as he is too old now for that. I don't think that is unreasonable when he has school the next day, otherwise he would be chatting to his friends all night! One of his friend's last week pulled an all nighter and went sick from school the next day. I don't have any worries about that with my DS but do feel he needs to be getting a good night's sleep during the week so I don't think we are being unusually harsh.

misshelena Fri 11-Nov-16 04:20:54

You and your 15yo are both right.
Dds 16yo and 13yo leave their phones downstairs before going to bed at 10-10:30 pm. I charge their phones and they wake up to fully charged phones and 60 texts and 30 snaps... from kids whose parents let them keep their phones until whenever they go to bed. Judging from the time stamps of those messages, these kids are up till 1 or 2am, sometimes later!

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