Finally losing it with DS

[Blossomflowers]

So DS is 16. He has quit college and spends his mornings in bed and out of the streets @ night doing god know what but know it involves smoking dope. He has totally lost his way, He is moody, rude to me and is making no effort to get a job or apprenticeship. Just told me to fuck as as I said I wanted to help him look for work. Am so disappointed and worried for him. Luckily his older brother has turned up and talking to him right now. I hate him smoking ( no idea where he gets the money) and know this is the real route of the problem. I am a single parent but have ex on side but until he wants to help himself what can I do. Sorry for the rant but would like to hear from anyone who has any advice or experiences to share.

[poppym12]

I don't have any advice I'm afraid as I'm struggling with mine too (17yo). He quit college but he has got an apprenticeship - at the moment. If I didn't drag his ass out of bed and get him to a bus stop every day (semi rural area, no buses), he'd stay in bed until it was weed smoking time with the tosspots he has ended up 'fitting in' with after being a quiet, nervy child.

I'm sick of lies, attitude, arguments, apathy and entitlement. Right now, I feel like packing up and disappearing but then I suspect he'd end up dossing somewhere and losing his job, thus blaming me. He is sooooo much like his dad in never ever admitting or thinking that anything is his fault, his own doing, and I'm at a loss on what to do.

[Blossomflowers]

Oh poppy, this is exactly our situation. I have got him an interview on Wend for an apprenticeship but is lack of interest does not bode well. His dad now likes to slate him but ironically would sit smoking dope with him when he was 15, Not much help there. I have an opportunity to move to France but feel I have to stay and TRY and help him. But as typing this know he is in his room waiting for weed time grrrr. He has an amazing ability to make me feel guilty

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Nothing like making you feel like giving up as the lies and their problems being everyone else's fault. Wish I had wise words. The only thing which has improved things slightly for my ds 16 is him meeting someone whose opinion matters to him. In his case a girl who's an A student with a healthy lifestyle. No idea what she sees in him but have noticed a change in attitude e.g. talking about what he's going to 'do', though I've seen him f*k all so far...

[Blossomflowers]

Ah my DS has a lovely GF, who does not smoke and doing very well in 6th Form. it helped a bit but still hangs around with his smoking pals. Worryingly he is mixing with older people including his bother who is 25 and should know better ffs. I am so frustrated when he is straight he is the nicest chattiest boy. I HATE WEED.

[Blossomflowers]

Am so worried he going fuck up big style

[Insanityprofanity]

No advice here either sorry,but joining the antisocial lazy fek teen club. A good example of my DS16 is as follows...
3pm got up.. only cuz i told his lazy arse to sort the noisy cat out whilst i was on phone and it was miowing in my other earhole louder than the town pissin cryer
3.10pm went back upto his room
3.35pm sent a message telling me his grades are not on his CV so put them on then or have i got to do that aswell
4pm me telling him that he needs to bath and hairwash because his room is making my whole house smell like a decomposed dog and after 3weeks of notcleaning himself its making the rest of us in the house feel ill.
4.28pm hes sat on his bed still not givin a toss about anything.
Which brings me here.
Internet is going off later and the box is going under my pillow.
Cant spend my time looking after a 16yr old baby when i have a DS 8month old which is in more need of mummy right now.
One fed up tired and stressed mummy is off to sort tea and clothes for other DCs. -and tidy the house so its a palace for when DH comes home--
Aaahhhh

[madgingermunchkin]

Stop trying to help him. All you are doing is enabling him.

Start looking at making your move to france, tell him and make it clear that unless he actually starts making an effort, he will have to find some way to support himself.

It sounds harsh, but as long as you are feeding, housing and running around after him, he won't change. Why should he?

[Blossomflowers]

Madg, oh so wish I could I so need to start living my life again, but think he is bit too young. Was actually thinking of starting a thread about this, wondering what Mumsnetters would say Actually stayed in with me last night and was lovely, no smoking, wow what a difference, I am so hoping he gets this apprenticeship tomorrow. Poor you insanity, that sounds totally intolerable.

[Blossomflowers]

I thought I would write something positive for a change. So DS went for his apprenticeship interview and very hopeful he will get the job as it seem perfect fro him. He is on day 3 of no smoking and his clear eyed and cheerful, amazing what a few days make. Gives me hope, just pray he keeps this up. Said he wants to stop smoking completely.

[poppym12]

I'm glad to hear that blossom and I really hope this could be a turning point.

I can't relax at all. Constantly on edge and feeling suspicious. With so much other stuff going on too, I really do feel like sodding off somewhere for a while. Wonder what would happen without me always being around to help?

[Blossomflowers]

Thanks poppy. I really get the bit about sodding off. My partner is in France and we go back an forth. DS says he goes out alot because my partner is here and wants to spend "quality time" with me. Well have been on my own all week and little sod has been out every night no "quality time spent" lol. They are priceless

[poppym12]

Ah, sounds familiar. My partner is away during the week and DS tells his dad that he doesn't want to be around him at weekends (has been fine for the last 10 bloody years though) so this is why he goes out a lot, stays out late and spends time in his room. Yes, you guessed it.......monday-Friday the only time I see DS is when taxiing him about or serving him food. Every night I sit on my own thus proving that he really does spout a load of rubbish.

[Blossomflowers]

Ha Ha poppy. Well I have to take his majesty off to the shopping outlet later to but his GF a birthday present. He is still in bed btw

[poppym12]

Ridiculous isn't it blossom. If anyone else caused me grief or stress like he does, I'd walk away from them without a doubt. I feel like such a doormat and I'm sick of going round in circles with the same issues still cropping up.

[AlabasterSnowball]

Hello, joining you as my 16yoDS just 'popped out' earlier to see a friend and is now the other side of town. Sick and tired of his lazyness and lying. He's still at college and they say he's doing well but since he left school, he's completely lost his was. He's made now effort to try to get a part time job and only ever what's anything to do with DH and I if he wants money or a lift.

[Blossomflowers]

Alabaster Oh dear, I think they just do not understand how worrying it can be.Hope he is home safe and sounds. Atleast yours is still in college lol.

[AlabasterSnowball]

Thanks blossom, he finally got home just before one with no explanation of where he'd been. He's grounded now, which will be a nightmare for all of us. He's part time at college doing a foundation course and is supposed to be doing work experience as well but making no effort to get a placement. His lecturer says he's one of the smarter ones in his group but doesn't apply himself.
He's a bright and talented lad and I'm afraid he'll throw it away.
They are such worry aren't they?