how do you deal with weed smoking teen?

(18 Posts)
poppym12 Thu 20-Oct-16 14:41:11

He's 17. He didn't to as well at school as expected. Went to college for a year but decided to begin an apprenticeship instead. Had apart time job with friend of family so had own money. Got a job recently but was still stoned on his first day. He lies, is secretive, doesn't seem to eat, feels cold and ill a lot of the time.
I've discovered today that he's also spent all of his savings (in addition to his wages).
How is it best to approach this? He won't talk, bows easily to peer pressure, has always lacked confidence.
I just don't know what to do as I feel like I'm watching my lovely son slip away.

fairydustandpixies Fri 21-Oct-16 10:06:55

Poppy, I could have written this post. On Sunday I found out that my 17 year old DS is smoking weed and my world absolutely collapsed. He has also dropped out of school, he's aggressive and angry, he disappears at night and comes back in the early hours, sometimes not until the afternoon the next day. He won't answer my calls, my texts, refuses to speak to me...
I'm sorry that I have no advice for you but I'll be watching this thread with interest to see what replies you receive.
Sending you flowers and hugs.

poppym12 Fri 21-Oct-16 12:25:05

I'm sorry fairydust, it's horrible isn't it? I know there are many people who use cannabis recreationally and see no problem with it but I hate the way my son becomes. I've started to dread weekends in case he's in a state.

fairydustandpixies Fri 21-Oct-16 12:48:50

It is horrible, Poppy. Just the worst thing to see your baby who you have loved and nurtured and wanted nothing but the best for them throwing everything away and turning into someone unrecognisable.
And I know what you mean about weekends - in fact I've got next week off work because I wanted to spend time with my two DS but now I'm dreading it because I don't know how DS1 will be behaving or even if he'll be around.
You're not alone on here though, thank goodness for MN!

MitheredMom Mon 24-Oct-16 13:08:01

I feel your pain. My DS is 16 and just awful at the moment. Passes the time of day with me (just), lying, stealing, getting high, playing truant from 6th form, obsessed with his 'friends', staying out. I don't recognise him at all and keep hoping it is just a 'phase'. He's bright, used to be enthusiastic and keen to do a levels and go to uni etc.
I want to be strict, but are afraid of pushing them further away... and to be honest, at the moment there is little respect anyway so it would fall on deaf ears.
I just make sure he does know that I am worried, that I love him, that I want him to be happy and have a fulfilling life and that I don't agree with a lot of the things he gets up to. One day I hope he will wake up (early), smell the coffee and get on with his future instead of treading water and thinking he's only good enough to be a layabout and hang around with layabouts.
They do break our hearts, but I'm sure when they are older they will look back with regret and we will have them back as our sons.
Just know that you are not alone, put yourself first once in a while, treat yourself. We are no use to them if we become nervous wrecks and worrying too much can make you ill. We are all doing our best.
What will be, will be. xXx

poppym12 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:38:56

I'm saddened but a bit relieved that other parents of teen boys seem to be doing through this too. The weekend here has been a load of disappointing lies and every time I think he may be thinking about his actions, life and behaviour, he let's himself down again. He must think I'm stupid. Anyway, his dad is picking him up from work tonight (we've been divorced 10 years) and although I would like to keep trying to help DS see that he is worth so much more than this deadbeat path he seems intent on taking, I fear his dad may finally blow at him.
usually I talk to his dad and try to prevent the fallout crap I'm left with but right now, I'm so bloody tired and worn down that I think I'm going to let them get on with it as it seems whatever I try to do has failed time and time again.

MitheredMom Mon 24-Oct-16 14:06:24

<3 <3 <3
Let his dad blow at him. I too am divorced but his dad just pussyfoots around him, which is worse. I went out without telling my DS and DD a couple of weeks ago (either that or let the tummy tangles get the better of me!) I had a lovely evening with my friend and, when I got home they BOTH rushed down stairs to see me/ask where I'd been. And the dishwasher has been emptied grin
Sometimes I think they need a bit of a shock to the system.
Go out and do something for YOU. You'll feel refreshed and ready to take on another day of their crap then ;) X

smileyforest Tue 25-Oct-16 10:05:09

I read this post last night but too tired to respond.
I really feel the pain and anxiety of you all.
I have a son who did exactly the same. He is 18y now. Share this story if you like. Due to smoking weed , and it's 'skunk ' these days....my son has become mentally unwell.
The past year has been a nightmare.
Devastating for his family, it has had a major impact on all our lives.
I currently cannot work ( nurse ) as my time and care is given to my son , who is currently an inpatient at a Psychiatric Hospital ( not a place any young person should be ).
My son suffered with Psychosis which started Oct 15. It was the most upsetting episode in my life. I could not reach out to my son. He went missing 3x. He didn't wash, change his clothes for 3 months. Hardly ate , never spoke. Barricaded himself in his room. Trapped inside his terrifying world. MH couldn't help as wouldn't ' engage'. He was nearly sectioned x2 . He has a supportive family but it broke our hearts to see him like this.
He had to stop study. He was doing A levels. A bright boy, doing Maths, Computing, further Maths.
Over the past year I've been in/out work as I just cannot cope emotionally .
He did semi recover and by Summer he was attending Princes Trust and the MH Team were visiting and that was going well, he started on small dose anti psychotic med.
Unfortunately late Summer he relapsed. ? Following a holiday to Japan with his Dad.
I was concerned at the time that it was too much too soon.
Following that , my son attempted suicide x2 Again went missing which then involved a Police search. He has been in/ out hospital . Currently an inpatient on section 3. It isn't pleasant.
He has made some progress but it's slow and the mental health care in this Country is very underfunded. He has been on high dose anti psychotics which have unpleasant side affects. Apart from one good friend, no one wants to know him now
It was all such fun at the time , and I'm very aware Teens will experiment and think they know better etc etc.
BELIEVE ME , THIS CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE.
My son is one of the 'unlucky' ones . A sensitive brain which didn't like weed.
I don't want responses of ' well how did he afford it, did you fund it'? I can say, it's on every street, in every Town, cheap . My son worked Saturday's. It's not easy to watch your kids 24/7. I've had four so I know.
Yes I tried to stop it when I found out, was in tears etc etc. Did all I could.
The future is unpredictable.
I'm off work again. It's affected my own health.
I was looking forward to so much with my family. It's on hold.
I was hoping to semi retire in four years, that's in jeopardy now as my son will need 'care and support' . So I may have to finish earlier than expected , I'm 55y not quite ready for retirement really.
It's a sad case.
Wouldn't wish it on any family.
I wish our young people would understand that 'smoking weed' can have dire consequences.
Proof is 'my son'

poppym12 Tue 25-Oct-16 16:54:05

Oh forest, sad

pasanda Tue 25-Oct-16 18:48:18

Blimey Smiley smile

My ds is 15yo and smokes weed at parties. I am going to make him read your post sad

serene12 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:57:55

I felt I should share my experience. My son started smoking weed when, he was about 15 with his school pals, he was bright and a talented athlete. We thought he was going through a phase and would come to his senses. I felt so ashamed, minimised and was not open with the school. We kept giving him one more chance, when he started stealing from his siblings and us. We didn't feel safe in our own home, which should feel a sanctuary.
One day, I refused to give him money, and him became verbally aggressive, so I called the Police. I felt empowered and to not accept the unacceptable. My son's drug use escalated, and we made the heartbreaking decision to make him leave the house...he was 18. He always had a roof over his head, and he spent eighteen months in a Young Persons project for homeless youngsters, with addiction issues. He learnt to live independently and received counselling
I also needed to recover and I started to go to Families Anonymous, which is for families/friends of drug users. F A changed my life
As for my son, he is much better, lives independantly, at college and has only admitted to me after five years! that he's smoked too much weed and it's messed with his brain

Livelovebehappy Tue 25-Oct-16 20:54:48

How awful to read these stories, but relieved to learn that it can happen to 'normal' families. It's so easy to feel guilt that maybe something in their upbringing has triggered it. Just found out my son has a problem with weed, although not heard it from him, but from a third party. He was always a laid back, kind and sensitive soul, but has turned into someone I no longer recognise. He can't look me in the eye, won't engage in conversation, has given up football after 12 years and won't get a job - just wants to hang out in his room or go out with his mates, often staying out all night. Not responding to texts/calls. I have tried so hard to get through to him, but he just looks straight through me and says nothing. I grieve for the lovely son I've lost and just pray that one day he will turn his back on the path he has chosen. Big hugs to you all.

smileyforest Tue 25-Oct-16 22:16:46

Yes, I mourn my son,I miss him. I have him. But it isn't the same.
Recovery is possible. Love, kindness and patience.......
Life should have been so different.

poppym12 Tue 25-Oct-16 23:19:41

It's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry that some youngsters have allowed it to have such a hold over them. As for my son, he has seemed almost normal tonight and has been sleeping like a baby since around 9pm. He says to trust him. he will not touch weed or hash again as he wants to learn to drive and do well in his job. I want to believe him, I really do, but only time will tell as trust can't be earned easily. He said he's not addicted and the usual stoner crap of it being harmless. I bit my tongue. For now.

mummytofour Mon 31-Oct-16 00:13:40

So glad I'm not alone in this. My son has gone downhill quickly from weed and we think other stuff too sad it's heartbreaking.

Yuckky Mon 31-Oct-16 00:52:45

What a sad thread thanks. I hate it when people minimize cannibis use.
I haven't any experience or advice but I hope everyone effected makes sure that they look after themselves. IYSWIM.

Yuckky Mon 31-Oct-16 08:34:25

Just reread my post and it read oddly. There is another thread at the moment where some posters dont see a problem with teens dabbling in cannabis. I was thinking of them when I posted.

poppym12 Mon 31-Oct-16 13:29:22

I haven't seen the other post yuckky which is probably for the best. Maybe for some people, the effects aren't very noticeable or maybe they only use it occasionally. Past experience tells me that the parents who think a bit of weed does no harm are the ones who have absolutely no idea of the bigger picture so cant understand that each substance can cause different feelings and emotions within different people. Or they minimise it because they smoke it / have smoked it and its difficult to stop a teen doing something you can't stop yourself doing.

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