Manipulating GF of 15 year old DS

(10 Posts)
Spongebobfrillypants Wed 12-Oct-16 07:07:05

My son met a girl on Tinder (I know). They've been together 5 months & she lives 80 miles away. They see each other once a week. My DS is in a bad way at the mo - self harming/seeing CaMHS. The fact that he's in his GCSE year is not helping either. This GF has also had depression/self harmed & was home schooled last year because she was bullied. Her Mum is a single parent & is not around much as she works long hours 5 days a week. It seems that this GF has complete control over my DS. Of course they text each other CONSTANTLY & she seems to see him as her knight in shining armour who's going to sort out her (many) problems.
I'm pleased that my DS has turned into a caring soul who isn't a 'love 'em & leave 'em' type but this has gone too far. I really want to stop him from seeing her but I know that would be very dangerous.
Please help - advice desperately needed ( or just a bit of reassurance would suffice)! sad

acornsandnuts Wed 12-Oct-16 07:14:10

First time love can be very intense.

However what exactly is it that is manipulating about this girl. And what does her mother being a single working mum have to do with anything?

228agreenend Wed 12-Oct-16 07:19:16

Texting each other constantly is normal teenage behaviour.

How has she got a control on your ds?

rogueantimatter Wed 12-Oct-16 09:04:43

Do they take it in turns to visit each other's homes once a week?

SansasEscape Wed 12-Oct-16 09:13:04

Doesn't seem like control to me. Seems like normal, crazy, intense first love.

Let them get on with it and make sure he's prepped for safe sex.

Ratbagcatbag Wed 12-Oct-16 09:20:52

I get this. We had a similar situation (I can't say it gets easier as they are 18 and still together). It seemed like any time any normal teenage activity was going o happen such as footy with mates, cinema, family trips out etc she would be wailing and declaring suicide threats and walking through woods at 2am and only dss could save her. It was a nightmare.
In the end, every suicide threat we rang the police/ambulance as we were equipped to deal with it. After two occasions she stopped doing that. Due to the severity of the texts "if you ever leave me, I'll commit suicode, you're the only reason I keep breathing" etc dss mum got school and social services involved as she was obviously unwell. That nipped most of the worst stuff in the bud.
They are still together now in a slightly more normal relationship but it's been awful watching him change from a happy carefree lad into a emotional wreck waiting on her say so before he makes any decision.
I'm probably not helping but I'm standing in solidarity with you and you can PM me anytime you want as I could have never have believed how much it could affect a whole family if we hadnt lived through it.

Spongebobfrillypants Wed 12-Oct-16 22:55:13

Thanks Ratbag for your post. My son was also (I think) happy & care-free & now seems to be an emotional wreck. It's dragging the whole family down. Acorns - the only reason I mentioned she was a single Mum was to describe the family set up (Dad is NC apparently). I can't see how this relationship is just normal, crazy, intense love when he is harming himself.

gardenangels Fri 14-Oct-16 00:28:32

I have something similar. My DS looks like he is about to destroy his future. He is in last year of A levels but now refusing to go to school. He has gone to GP but I have no idea of outcome of CBT first appointment. I have tried to talk to him but he just screams at me. His girlfriend suffers with depression but I have no idea what is causing the problem.

I really don't know how to help or support him as he is so aggressive that I cannot speak to him.

misshelena Fri 14-Oct-16 16:49:54

So sorry about what you all are going through! I can imagine how worried you must be watching ds throw future away. Sounds like the boys don't want to talk to their moms about their problems. So, I was wondering if there is someone (preferably a man, I think) you know who your son respects and who is slightly older who you can have talk to your son? Like maybe an older cousin or younger uncle? Or a previous teacher or coach?

EmmaMacGill Mon 17-Oct-16 19:29:37

Is he still close to his friends? DSs first gf was like this. Didn't like him going out, even for a kick about with his friends, would check his phone and would dictate who he could talk to and would scream abuse at him or blank him for the slightest thing. I would always listen to him and give him advice but ultimately it was his friends who made him see how toxic the relationship had become

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