How do you feel about your 16,17,18 year old having sex?

(20 Posts)
Welshpoolmummy Thu 06-Oct-16 12:35:32

Would you stop them staying over someones house etc?

YvaineStormhold Thu 06-Oct-16 12:39:00

At that age I think you just have to get over the 'yuk' factor, make sure they know what they're doing with regards to safe sex, and then try not to think about it too much.

Pretty much like they view your sex life, really.

lovelybangers Thu 06-Oct-16 12:41:14

From the age of 16 onwards it's legal - so I don't see how you could stop them.

Of course if it is on a school night then you could suggest that it would be better to come home at a sensible hour so as not to be too tired to concentrate the next day.

Carlamomof3 Thu 06-Oct-16 13:39:30

I accept the fact that most teens are sexually active at some point and as long as birth control and condoms are used and they are in a serious relationship I'm fine with it. Mine are allowed to have partners stay over once they have been together at least six months. Basically I have the same rules for them that I have for myself with my boyfriend.

UnreasonableBehaviour Thu 06-Oct-16 13:47:51

Feels odd to me at the moment as my dd - 16 - has just gone on the pill as she has a bf now and he is staying with us for a while soon. Birth control and safe sex was and still is my biggest concern.

aginghippy Thu 06-Oct-16 13:58:06

I definitely have the 'yuk factor' about my dd. I don't actually know if she and her boyfriend are doing the deed and I don't want to know. The relationship is still fairly new, but I expect they will do eventually, if they haven't already.

OTOH I don't think there is anything wrong with older teenagers having sex. DD and her bf are both responsible young people. It's fine if they do, but it's also none of my beeswax.

chattygranny Thu 06-Oct-16 14:06:11

Contraceptive and disease prevention was my top priority. Also huge issues these days with boys wanting girls to behave like porn stars. Empowering daughters to say no is important. Tried to make them respect themselves and the people they were in relationships with. All like walking on gossamer - not easy at all! I did feel I preferred them to be DTD under my roof than down a back alley - and more likely to use protection. Remind them that without condoms they're sleeping with everyone their partner has ever slept with. That hits home!

Carlamomof3 Thu 06-Oct-16 21:34:50

Empowering the girls to say "No" when they don't want to is something I have always stressed. With both older teens and younger teens, peer pressure and pressure from the boyfriends can be overwhelming at times. Sex can enhance a relationship but only if it's something that both parties mutually consent to.

Ohyesiam Thu 06-Oct-16 21:48:49

Putting a condom on a large carrot is a prerequisite in our house! Lots of talking about being comfortable about what you are doing, and good and bad reasons to have sex(desire, curiosity, trust are good, to keep your boyfriend, or your friends are doing it, bad) . i would rather it happened in my house than anywhere else. And making sure she knows I'm unshockable, and can talk to me a about anything feels important, as
porn has made it an odd world out there for our kids. No doing what come naturally these days, so they need to know they can talk to us if there is any thing they are not comfortable with.

rogueantimatter Thu 06-Oct-16 22:12:05

I told my DD that if she was having sex because she really wanted to and felt ready then I had no problem with it. I didn't want her to have sex just to feel grown up, as an act of rebellion or because she felt she ought to for any reason.

A bit of me felt sad at the thought of her being involved in all the rubbish stuff that goes with having sex - having to sort contraception, the possibility of health problems such as potential problems with the pill, cystitis, possibility of pregnancy obviously and fearful for how it would be when the inevitable break-up came, but in all honesty I also felt happy for her as she was clearly in love with her lovely bf and it's lovely to be young and energetic and not have any major responsibilities cramping your style. grin I was genuinely pleased that she was enjoying her teenage years.

Like a pp, I told her that porn and sex in films is very unrealistic and she should never ever feel the need to do anything she didn't enjoy.

I also told her about a website called Scarleteen for young people, which has very detailed, sensible info about all aspects of relationships, as I'm not an expert. grin

I didn't stop her staying over at her bf's home and he stayed over at our home. I could have done without him appearing in the house on a sunday morning sometimes, but as she was 17 and heading for uni soon I chose to put up with it as I knew we wouldn't have too long of it. It was much handier than doing lifts late at night - not walking distance. If he lived closer I'd have said there was no need - go home at the end of the evening.

Set rules. Once DD's BF spent the whole weekend here and I was really longing to get the house back to ourselves. They didn't stay over on a school night.

chattygranny Thu 06-Oct-16 22:24:38

I also had a rule that relationships could stay over but no dodgy shags!

Crispsheets Thu 06-Oct-16 22:27:07

Ds 17 often has his girlfriend stay the night. I don't have a problem. I've talked to both of them about sex/contraception and how a baby would ruin their lives. And I won't be available for child care.

corythatwas Fri 07-Oct-16 07:50:55

How could you stop an 18yo from staying over at somebody's house?

JanetRomano Fri 07-Oct-16 13:13:09

I allow the boyfriends to stay here because once they start having sex they aren't going to stop just because we tell them to. Being in the safety of the home takes away the risks of being caught in the woods or a parking lot someplace. I've always taught them that sex can be wonderful in a serious relationship as long as they use proper protection. And these days with the amount of information readily available on the internet kids start having sex younger. It's much better to be accepting and supportive when they become sexually active.

BackforGood Fri 07-Oct-16 13:30:03

I agree with the first reply.

When mine were younger I used to think 'no way - my house, my rules, not staying here' sort of thing, but ds never really asked, his gf was just there in the morning. Then, once at university they are obviously away from home and doing whatever they want each night anyway, so it would be pointless imposing different rules in the house. I feel much more relaxed now, but, that said, he's in a long term relationship with a lovely girl.
I would feel very differently about one night stands - that's a big no in my house and I hope in their lives.

bumpertobumper Fri 07-Oct-16 13:50:16

Just to add that even more important than empowering our girls to say no is teaching our boys to be respectful, not put pressure on their girlfriends, and know that porn is totally unrealistic etc

HormonalHeap Sat 08-Oct-16 07:52:19

Very relevant question to me at the moment. Ds 16 is in his first relationship. The seeetest, loveliest girl. One night after a party near her house, he texted to stay he was staying there "as it's easier". I naively thought the parents would put him the guest room being quite a traditional family. Perhaps they did that night, but he now stays there regularly and the mum makes him eat his veg for megrin.

The pair have booked to go away together over half term so I can't cling onto any hope they're not having sex. Not my ideal, but I've always told my kids they have to be in a loving relationship, which he is. Things could be worse I guess.

Carlamomof3 Sat 08-Oct-16 15:37:41

My son is now 21 and when he was younger he would push my rules all the time. He only had one girlfriend that I liked and allowed to stay overnight. My now 16 yr old has a wonderful boyfriend and I haven't put any limits on him staying here since they were 15. He usually stays over 3 or 4 nights a week. My 13 yr old has a boyfriend that I really like a lot too but I've said no to him staying over mostly because of their ages. Not sure when I will allow him to stay here. I haven't made up my mind yet.

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 08-Oct-16 15:43:22

I had a "not on a college night" rule which, thinking about it, is a bit bizarre: you can only have sex on weekends grin. But relationships can be quite distracting and A levels come first.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 11-Oct-16 20:59:40

DD (20) and her bf are back at ours while looking for another let. I'm reasonably certain he was the first as she used to tell me when she binned the others for wandering palms. I like him, which helps, but I was quite surprised at my lack of possessive rage.

Just have to cough really loudly going up the stairs.

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