Counselling refusal (trigger warning for readers)

(7 Posts)
OneDayOff Mon 19-Sep-16 13:10:09

My DD is 14. She's absolutely lovely and has had an incredibly tough year.

She was raped, and we didn't know until months later. Police and school involved, no prosecution possible (I was not impressed with this, but tbh it suited her). The bullying resulting from this meaning she missed the last half term of last year. She lost all her girlfriends. Her dad is a narc idiot and is not supportive of her at all, but she sees him fairly regularly, though that is dropping of as she's getting fed up with him. She goes to see her other family there.

She's had counselling before (nasty divorce, impacted on her) and stopped of her own accord as it wasn't helping anything. She said it made her feel awful after every single session. She tried again, different counsellor and circumstances but same feeling horrendous afterwards result.

She's told me she thinks she might be depressed, which I can absolutely see, so we went to the Dr. The only option is counselling, and she's point blank refused.

Where do I go now? She does talk to me, but certainly doesn't tell me everything, her HOY is great, but again she has a reserve. I was thinking yoga or mindfulness but I don't really know where to start.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 19-Sep-16 17:46:27

I'm so sorry your poor dd has gone through that

I've had the feeling she described of feeling worse after counselling rather than better. In one case I refused to see the counsellor again after the first session because she made me feel like a horrible person

Mindfulness sounds like it might help her as it wouldn't necessarily mean talking about everything that has happened in the past?

WindPowerRanger Mon 19-Sep-16 17:51:07

Group therapy with others of a similar age could be very helpful. Women's groups and Rape Crisis may run suitable things.

OneDayOff Mon 19-Sep-16 18:22:03

Thank you. I hadn't thought of group therapy, I'll have a dig around and see what there is.

And yes, that's what I thought about mindfulness. But I don't know much about it...

OneDayOff Mon 19-Sep-16 18:22:50

Sorry you had a poor counselling experience too. I've not had much success with it either sad

Anothernameforasec Mon 19-Sep-16 18:30:14

Name changed for this - huge sympathies for what your DD has been through. My DD refuses counselling after some unhelpful experiences too (for anxiety). She went on antidepressants age 17 and they've helped massively.

However, my DS was raped at uni age 20. The counselling he received was fantastic. It was very specific to the experience - some of it focused on post traumatic stress disorder as he was suffering from flashbacks and panic attacks. Some on the sexual side of things. Some going back through his childhood, place in the family etc. It was a godsend for him. Six months on he was so much better and back to uni.

I fully understand that he is a young adult, and your poor DD is so much younger. But maybe if you explain that the counselling should be specialised and much better, she may agree to give it a try. It's very hard as you can't make promises in case she finds it useless again. As I say, my DD didn't find it helpful, but I suspect she wouldn't engage much (choosy who she opens up to, like your DD and which is entirely understandable), whereas DS fully engaged with it.

Just a thought, hope she finds what she needs. flowersflowers

OneDayOff Tue 20-Sep-16 08:29:27

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Our poor kids, going through this. Glad your DS got the help he needed. I'll make some phone calls and see what I can find. Reassuring to know the help is there once you find it flowers

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