Ds wants to go to a gig and dh and I are worried.

[PlinkPlinkFizz]

15yo ds1 wants to go to a gig in December, by which time he will be 16. Gigs have never been my scene, and I'm uneasy.

The gig is at The Joiners Arms in Southampton. We live near Reading.

I don't know the kids he's going with (a boy and two girls, all Y11/12). He knows two of them from outside school, and the third is a friend of theirs.

They all live in a small town not far from us, and are going together by car. I don't know who is driving them. Ds planned to go by train and meet them at the gig. "I've checked on Google Maps - it's only 20mins walk away from the station" - this statement really worried me, as I'm sure it shows a huge degree of naivety!

[BastardGoDarkly]

Do your research, give him money for a cab from station if necessary, and let him go :)

[ApocalypseNowt]

Let him go but find out who is driving first. And give him some taxi money just in case.

[AnyFucker]

Blimey. You sound a bit over protective. Let him go, fgs.

Be available if he gets lost if you must and make sure he takes a charged mobile but after that let him live a little. He will be off to college soon. Will you be treating like a 10yo then ?

[PurpleWithRed]

Personally I'd be fine with it - if he's already had the wit to work out travel that doesn't involve being driven he's probably savvy enough to manage. Why do you think his Googling walking time would be naive? It does work you know.

Ask him about getting home, any costs, and if it's a pub whether he'll be allowed in etc. Make sure his phone is charged and funded and that he texts you when he's there. Make sure he has your phone number written down somewhere in case his phone gets broken/lost/nicked.

It's a rite of passage, he'll be 16 - there are worse things he could be wanting to do at that age...

[BertrandRussell]

Why does finding out about the route show a huge degree of naivity?

Check that he can get in, though. Some gigs you have to be 18, or have an adult with you even when you're 16.

[BertrandRussell]

And make sure he's checked the times of the last train home,

[Purplebluebird]

I would let him go, he'll be 16. Give him some freedom. Make sure he takes a map with him from Google, showing the route he needs to walk from the station to the gig. Perhaps satnav on the phone too, I always take both with me when going new places.

[PlinkPlinkFizz]

The naivety is not about how long it will take to walk to the station, but about the reality of walking alone through a strange city at night with lots of pissheads around.

I do not know about gigs. What I do know is what it was like walking to the Tube late at night in London.

I don't think I'm overprotective. Ds has a lot of independence - more than many of his classmates, and at an earlier age.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Christ, at 16 I went to study at the other end of the country to my parents, and you've got issues with him walking 20 mins from the station?!

You really need to chill out and give him the independence his age should come with, you'll not do him any favours otherwise!

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

The walking through the city bit wouldn't bother me either, unless you've never let him out at night and he's literally no Street sense, so to speak?!

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Really? He'll be 16. Do you still wipe his bum? Poor kid.

[Slothlikesundays]

It'll be fine. I used to get the train to Manchester and go to gigs when I was 14. Including walking through city in the dark. There was a big group of us. My mum encouraged independence and trust. I'm glad. When I got to uni I couldn't believe how sheltered some kids were. How can you be independent if you've not had the chance? He'll be 16, he's told you about it and he'll have his phone on him. Best to let him learn now then when he's 18 and drunk.

[AuldYow]

I think you're being way over protective.

You need to start letting him go, arm him with common sense and independence. Don't hold him back he's 16 and needs to be making his own way in life.

[PlinkPlinkFizz]

Some of you are a bit harsh on a parent who's only trying to do her best!

Of course he's allowed out after dark, but we live in a naice little town, where nothing ever happens.

My colleagues - some of whom have young adult children travelling abroad - seem to think my unease reasonable.

[wayway13]

I started going to gigs when I was 14. Mainly rock, emo, metal bands etc. I'd get the bus into town (40 mins) then walk through the city for 10-20 mins depending on venue. Sometimes I'd travel with friends and sometimes I'd meet them there. The city was Glasgow btw. Never had any trouble. If anything, the walk back is really safe as a huge number of people from the gig will be making their way to public transport too.

When does the gig finish? 10pm? 11pm? The proper pissheads won't be out by then. There may be happy drunk people from the gig or smoking outside bars etc but the proper stabby, druggy ones ones won't surface til the wee hours.

Let him go (easy for the parent of a toddler to say - I bet I'll be a wreck in 12 years time!).

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I would not wanting any child of mine walking possibly deserted streets late at night. I am not an over protected parent dd took the tube at 10 on her own to get to and from school and on occasion returning to an unfamiliar train station.

What about you actually collecting him.

[titchy]

"I've checked on Google Maps - it's only 20mins walk away from the station" - this statement really worried me, as I'm sure it shows a huge degree of naivety!

This is exactly what I would have done - am I missing something?

[PlinkPlinkFizz]

Slothlike exactly: There was a big group of us. Ds is planning on going alone.

He's also intending to take a photocopy of his passport to prove his age. Is that the right thing to do?

[titchy]

"I've checked on Google Maps - it's only 20mins walk away from the station" - this statement really worried me, as I'm sure it shows a huge degree of naivety!

Err this is sensible surely?

[BertrandRussell]

No over protective at all. Overprotective would be not letting him go. Sorting out all the details is just sensible.

[NattyTile]

Can he get himself a student ID card? Might be more acceptable than a photocopy of his passport.

And maybe make sure he has money for taxi to train station if it feels unsafe when he leaves the gig? Although if it's a big gig there are likely to be others walking in the same direction I'd've thought anyway.

[Sandsnake]

I'd get him to take a taxi from the venue to the station and put that as an absolute condition of allowing him to go (pay the fare if necessary). I think that the walk alone to Southampton Central station late at night is a bit risky as teenage boys can be a bit of a target for those wanting a fight. Only been out in Southampton once and the boys in our group (not at all confrontational types) were started on for not being from Southampton... Otherwise I'd let him go.

[NerrSnerr]

I'm another one who doesn't understand about the checking on google maps, surely that's sensible. That's what I do when I walk somewhere.

If you're worried then give him £10 for a taxi from the station.

[yeOldeTrout]

Can he get a lift with whoever is driving them, can you share lifts with the other adults involved (probably are some)?

Can he even get into the gig venue without an 18yo in charge?

[aginghippy]

My colleagues - some of whom have young adult children travelling abroad - seem to think my unease reasonable.

I agree that you are NBU to feel the way you do. Of course you are going to worry, you are his mother. However, I don't think those feelings of unease are enough of a reason to stop him from going to the gig.

I would give him the money for a cab to the station after the gig, talk to him about what to do if things don't go as planned. I would also be sitting awake on the night waiting to hear his key in the door