Family time with teens- what do you do?

[BzyB]

Just looking some ideas! We aren't into shopping, and I have some restrictions doing activities as I'm 8m pregnant but in desperate need to reconnect with my dd ( who would rather just play her phone :( )

[Imbroglio]

Teen as in 13 or 19?

[NicknameUsed]

DD (16) and I love watching GBBO and Casualty together.

[Imbroglio]

As you are imminently expecting, could you do something that connects you both with when you were expecting her? Eg your favourite walk, favourite film?

[BzyB]

She's 13. going on 30... Or 2 going by the tantrums ( which are far more frequent than my actual 2 year olds ones!)
I'm not a huge fan of tv. Do you find you bond well over it? Do you both like it or do you watch it because she likes it?
We are just v different people - I'm not into hair and makeup etc but she's starting to do I was thinking of getting an at home pamper day sorted soon.... And she can laugh at how poorly i can apply makeup/nail polish etc ;)

[BzyB]

Lovely idea about the walk but I'd have to drag her...
Something tv or film related would probably appeal heavily to her as she won't have to move. ( which is in itself v worrying, as weight getting too high, but trying one step at a time!)

[Elroya1]

Must be hard. Well, I do believe you have a good idea with the at home day pamper going on, wish you all the best with that!

[Ragwort]

Ask her .............................. it is very, very hard; my teenage DS and I have very little in common and trying to find something to do with DH, DS and myself for our last day of the summer holiday was impossible - in the end we left DS at home as he would rather meet up with his mates. .

I agree that watching tv with a teenager is tortuous.

Looking back, I rarely did much with my parents at that age.

[corythatwas]

I never used to be a TV person but I have made an effort over the years to watch some things with ds that I wouldn't necessarily have watched on my own (football, thrillers) and it has paid off, both in the sense that we have something that is shared between us and in the sense that I have had my horizons broadened, never a bad thing. Also gone with him to football matches. I think it is a good message to give a teenager that "I am interested enough in you to want to learn something new because it is important to you". (Eventually you hope they will do you the same courtesy back but you can't rely on that). So think about what she enjoys and choose what seems most bearable to you.

[BzyB]

I've tried asking her ragwort, but it's usually " have a movie night" which translates to me watching Harry Potter again. It was ok the first time but After the second time I get really twitchy.
I think ideally something about self care that isn't necessarily about makeup, and something active and non food related that I can do now....
Just interested in what other people do.
One of her friends families have 2 sons and they built a boat together. Like an actual climb in and go for a cruise about kinda boat. And they do cool stuff ( well, geeky cool) stuff like a self designed family crest. I would love to have great ideas like that!

[frenchfancy]

What about playing games with her? Chess, backgammon and cribbage are all popular with our teens.

[AllieinWonderland]

I have two very different teenage DDs.

The older one and I are very similar - we can talk for hours about anything and everything. The younger one, however, is constantly on her phone (social media), but loves makeup/films/shopping and photography.

Some things we've done together that might work for you:
Get together loads of fashion magazines and cut out various pictures to stick on boards for her room, or just in notebooks/ plan our own "fashion show" using the images.
She educates me about celebrity gossip and shows me YouTube videos and laughs at how little I know.
We put in music and sing along loudly and dance it cheers her up seeing how dopey her mum is/ shouting angry songs.
And as everyone has suggested - maybe a pamper/film night? Like face masks, make up, and then watch a film.

Fruit skewers are always quite popular with our kids and are pretty simple to do - you could just let her buy as many fruits as she wants and stick them all on a stick, then maybe even do a sort of "Hawaiian" theme? Like fruit juice with little cocktail umbrellas, flower garlands, music as well? (Disclaimer: I know nothing about Hawaii. Simply going off the stereotypes.)

[AllieinWonderland]

Also DD has shown me lots of crafts you YouTube videos - maybe ask if she wants to do one of those? I can PM links if you'd like?

[GetMeOut]

My Dd will deign to play cards with me ( rummy ) and will watch Bake off together. She also got me into 'Dance Moms' and 'Say yes to the Dress'

[AllieinWonderland]

GetMeOut snap with Dance Moms!

[Lilaclily]

Could you take her to see Bridget Jones baby at the weekend and then for pizza after

[YvaineStormhold]

Meme creating.

Scrabble.

Music nights - either on YouTube or whatever medium you choose - you take it in turns to play a song to each other and the other one HAS to listen to it without prejudice. Can be a good horizon-broadener.

Look at photos together - maybe make an album. Kids love listening to stories about when photos of them were taken, etc.

Spa night. Don't worry about makeup, etc - skincare, face masks etc don't take any skill.

Cards. My youngest DS is usually up for a game of blackjack.

Knitting. Apparently it's quite cool now.

I often find that if I just casually start doing something (e.g. the photos) the teens will join in. Some of our best together times have been quite spontaneous. Whereas if you start making a big thing of 'family time', it scares them off

[Ireallydontseewhy]

I second tv - maybe something like a Friendsathon, starting from the beginning? should last you a couple of years! (Unless you are one of the mn lot who don't like any of the Friends characters on revisiting!).
Or just going out for a pizza and chatting about nothing much?

[stripeyreds0cks]

My Dd is 13 and we've found a series on Netflix we both like so watch one or two episodes of that a week together (which I then have to rewatch as she blethered over it).
I've also noticed she talks to me in the car about things she usually wouldn't at home so I've upped the amount of lifts I give her a bit.
It's hard

[Salutarychoring]

Dh and I play board games with our 13 yr old dd which, surprisingly, she loves. She also likes quick quizzes made up by us (flags of the world, spelling bee type questions).

I also bake and cook with her a lot; she chooses the recipe and leads the process. Ditto jewellery making and art activities. (Tried to encourage sewing but she runs a mile!)

None of this is done very formally or to a particularly high level, we dabble a lot and she'll join in when she is interested. Craft and jigsaw type activities are good for providing activities for the hands, while we are sat side by side, which provides an opportunity for conversation/re-connecting.

[Salutarychoring]

YY to what Yvonne said about "casual presentation" of activities. DD is more inclined to join in if I am just sat there doing it anyway rather than when I say " right, shall we try this" (which tends to provoke sighs and eye-rolling).

[Salutarychoring]

So sorry that should have read Yvaine not Yvonne!

[frenchfancy]

The photos is a good idea - I bet if you got out her baby photos out to put in an album she would join in. It might reconnect with her the idea that you are her baby too.

[JustDanceAddict]

Things I do with my 14 yr old
Go shopping
Go out for lunch just us 2
Dance around the room
Do some beauty stuff together
Watch a film on Netflix
Look at old photos/videos
baking

[BzyB]

Thanks so much for all the great ideas! Today I was practicing a fishbraid hairstyle in front of the hall mirror ( id never actually wear this style but I knew she would know how to do it) and she came over and helped me. Was a nice ( if not a bit sneaky) way to get her to actually communicate with me. Didn't get a full ten min chat in, but it's opened a door and I've scribbled some of your ideas in my notebook to refer to quickly. ( she has ADD so i need to act quickly to catch her in the mood!)
Haven't played a board game with her since her little sister got really mobile and stopped sleeping- yet we both really enjoy them so must see what we can work out.
Just before bed she asked me to teach her to crochet - I'm not sure I can because I have carpal tunnel syndrome atm AND she's left handed so it might get confusing but have saved a few YouTube videos and will watch them with her. :)
Oh, also got a few bath bomb etc recipes to try out with her. :)