AIBU to stop pocket money for 18 year old DS

(20 Posts)
dirtywindows Wed 31-Aug-16 22:53:47

DS has just turned 18 a few days ago and is having a gap year now. Plan was for him to work for 6-8 months and save money, then do some volunteering abroad before starting uni next year. The thing is he has been out A LOT over the summer and has spent all his savings, whilst doing very little to get a job. We have been giving him £16/ week pocket money and £10/ month for clothes. I have been telling him for some time that come September all money from us will stop and he needs to make sure he has a job by then. I will also expect him to contribute a little to household funds when he starts work. I really think it's important that he learns how to budget and mange his money responsibly as well as learning the reality of actually working for his money. Problem is DH thinks I'm being unreasonable as he thinks DS needs money to go out until he gets a job and thinks we should keep funding him. He doesnt want him to borrow money from his friends. I say continuing to fund him does not motivate him to work. Who is right?

BestZebbie Wed 31-Aug-16 23:00:39

Will he be going out so much once all his friends go to Uni, or are several of them doing the same thing and staying local?

dirtywindows Wed 31-Aug-16 23:05:42

Most of his friends didn't do A levels, they're still at college doing B-techs.

bobbinpop Wed 31-Aug-16 23:07:45

You are totally right! smile

Akire Wed 31-Aug-16 23:10:05

Compromise he's an adult so he can keep getting £70 month pocket money when he pulls his weight around the house. Even more so if he's not working. So share of regular daily chores and cooking.

Or quiet reasonable if he's all serious about having a gap year that it's just that to earn and travel and he's more likely get going find something if he is skint. If you still buying him all his food and paying all bills then now he's an adult he can stop wanting pocket money.

FannyFanakapan Wed 31-Aug-16 23:10:33

Our kids lose pocket money at 16, when they can legally work.

I do give them a cheapy phone contract and I would give him a bus/train pass if he needs one for work, but otherwise, the bank of mum and dad must close its doors, or there will be no incentive to find work or even keep work.

MotherOfROC Thu 01-Sep-16 02:04:27

I think that is perfectly reasonable. I have stopped giving my soon to be 17 year old pocket money and will buy his essential clothing for school but a thing else he wants he can go get a job a earn for himself. He is being rather lazy and is going to get a shock when I pull the plug on his tablet contract and when he finally does get a job he will be contributing to the household too.

VioletBam Thu 01-Sep-16 02:08:27

God YANBU! He's old enough to marry, join the army, start a business...he needs to learn.

One of the best things my Mum ever did for me was stop funding me at around 15. I had a job at weekends and used that money for all kinds of stuff.

She used to buy my main things like coats, uniform...basic clothes and shoes but any fancy clothes I wanted I had to get. I had to pay my own travel to get to my hobby too.

I did all my own ironing too.

dirtywindows Thu 01-Sep-16 12:13:28

Thanks for your responses - I will share them with DH......

BertrandRussell Thu 01-Sep-16 12:18:28

God I hate threads like this! Yes, of course an 18 year old living at home and not studying should find a job, or if he can't, take on a lot of the household jobs

But younger than that? Where are all these jobs for 15 year olds? My ds has a specific skill that means he can earn money, but most of his friends can't find work.

And even though my ds can earn money, we still give him pocket money. Because he's 15.

QuietNinjaTardis Thu 01-Sep-16 12:21:42

My pocket money stopped at 13 when I got a paper round and started earning my own money. I contributed towards the household once I was 18 and in full time work. You won't be doing your son any favours if he keeps getting pocket money!

DiegeticMuch Thu 01-Sep-16 12:27:29

Your son should be working for his spending money and doing his share of chores.

Nothing wrong with giving him the odd tenner if he's short, but he needs to show willing.

expatinscotland Thu 01-Sep-16 12:31:27

He's 18, not 15. Cut out the funding.

specialsubject Thu 01-Sep-16 12:31:42

Gap year does not mean alternating sitting on arse and getting pissed. Even if he were doing it abroad.

Stick to your guns. Time the gravy train hit the buffers.

YourHandInMyHand Thu 01-Sep-16 12:50:57

He's 18!

I was living in my own house and paying every bill at 18.Of course he shouldn't be getting pocket money.

Yes it's harder for young teens, and under 18s to find work. When I was a teen I had a job in a newsagents from 14 but I realise that's not as easy to find now. But at 18 he can pretty much do any low paid entry level job and start grafting for his money. When he's earning it he might spend it a little more prudently too.

Out of interest is it you or DH that think he should still be getting it?

What does he do to help out around the house? Does he pitch in?

My mum raised us to be independant and self reliant and I thank her for it. We were doing our own ironing from 11, on a cook the tea/ wash the pots rota and all pitched in with housework, picking up food shopping, etc. I have a very strong work ethic and am a good saver/budgetter, unlike some of my adult friends who still go running to the bank of mum and dad 3 weeks into every month without fail as they
A) have never been taught to earn and budget and
B) always get mum or dad handing them cash.

frenchfancy Thu 01-Sep-16 13:59:04

He has been given fair warning. Cut the pocket money. If your DH wants to give him money then suggest he finds some jobs that need doing around the house and that your DS is paid to do them.

BackforGood Thu 01-Sep-16 21:32:18

You are right. a) He's been given lots of notice of this, and b) It's pretty reasonable to stop giving dc pocket money once they leave school.
If he's getting his spending money for nothing, then there's little incentive to go out hunting for work. I presume he finished his exams around the end of June, so he's already had 2 full months doing nothing.

BlueberrySky Fri 02-Sep-16 19:18:45

I have done exactly this.

My DS is 18, got appalling grades at A level, is not going to university and has no idea what he wants to do. Refused to get a job over the summer, as he is on his 'summer holiday'. He has had nearly 3 months of doing nothing.

I made him sign on for JSA, and have stopped his pocket money.

Howlongtilldinner Fri 02-Sep-16 23:43:25

DS18 going to uni in September. Has a PT job which is zero hours, doesn't 'chase' money, and will do the bare minimum amount of shifts to fit around his social life. Does nothing indoors but will do his own washing (as I refuse to rummage and 'sniff' his floordrobe).

I rarely give him money, the odd fiver here and there, however he has had A LOT of money from me (lone parent) over the past 9 months, none of which he's saved.

I will get him some clothes and his 'bottom drawer' bits for uni, and that's his lot, time to stand on his own two feet (probably in dirty socksgrin)

S3pth0t Wed 07-Sep-16 22:11:49

He has no incentive to look for employment if you are giving him money - so stop

Having a job is not just about the money !
It is about good time keeping
Working with different types of people
Sometimes doing various jobs that you dont particularly enjoy for the money
Budgeting
Respect
Using opportunities to put on your CV
If you work and volunteer, if you are lucky it leads onto better opportunities
At his age I studied, worked and volunteered !
How does he think he is going to fund a gap year without working ???

Lazy young people - one of my pet hates ...

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