Hi
I'll give a brief background as it may help. DS is 12, he lives with me, his step dad ( been in his life since he was 2) and his little brother (7). He has EOW contact with his dad. His Dad has remarried and has more children.
DS behaviour is perfect at school, he's seen as a role model student, in fact wherever he goes people think he's absolutely lovely ( which he is!)
However, when at home, we have a real issue with his behaviour, in particular his major issue with being told off and subsequently having a consequence that comes with it.
He hates being told off, even if it's something blatantly obvious. He feels a real injustice and won't back down. He'll goad for arguments, so will tell you to leave the room (!!!), I'll try and ignore him but in the end leave, he'll then follow to carry on the argument. We try very hard to pick our battles, not get involved in arguments with him but it's very difficult.
I'll give an example of a recent argument
Yesterday both boys were asked to calm down ( they were messing around in back of car), they weren't shouted at, threatened, punished etc, just simply asked to calm down. DS2 accepted it and stopped, he was on a promise of going out Pokemon hunting with DH last night and knew that if he didn't behave then he wouldn't go. So that was the end of it with DS2. DS1 however was furious that he was asked to calm down ( it honestly was not a big deal) so dragged it on, pestered constantly about why was he told off ( which we explained that he wasn't as such, just asked to calm!). He carried on and on, started becoming verbally abusive by name calling, being really very nasty so I told him he wouldn't be getting his treat today ( to go out after school with friends) as I won't tolerate being called names and smirked out. He then became even more nasty telling us that we hate him and its fine as he hates us. Subsequently he refused to go to bed as he was being told that he wouldn't be going out with his friends and that wasn't fair. After an hour stand off he went off to bed.
We don't hate him, far from it. He's a lovely boy, we just need to get to the bottom of this issue he has at being told off! We can't spend our lives allowing him to do whatever he wants, we just don't know what to do!!
I don't feel were strict, I pride myself to think were nicely in the middle. I hope the boys have a nice life in our family, but DS1 always makes me feel like he doesn't. It always feels like there's an undercurrent of anger in him 😞
His behaviour has always been this way, he's always resented being told off and would really struggle to be punished, so for instance we couldn't send him to his room as he would refuse to go. When he was little we would just carry him upstairs to make the point which was horrible but I would be determined to not give in to him.
We've tried to talk to him, to no avail. Last night he was texting me whilst in bed saying he can't change, he's a bad person 😢, which he's not!! He's lovely, very friendly and caring, his behaviour is just skewed and I don't know what to do about it.
We've spoken to his primary school in the past and they were amazed but sorted him out some sessions to talk about any issues he may have but the report we got told us how lovely he was and how much he loved his family, so we didn't really get anywhere!
Has anyone got any tips?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
Can't cope with DS behaviour
10 replies
feelingmiffed · 20/07/2016 09:04
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.