Counselling for 16 yo boy

[sandandc]

My DH and I think that his 16 year old nephew has never really gotten over his father’s death when he was almost 2. He’s just had appalling results from mock GCSE exams and his mum is freaking out (its the latest in a long list of things) and considering sending him home to West Africa for old style boarding school. She’s asked several of us family members for our input. We think he needs professional psychological help. Any advice/contacts in the London area would be welcome but I think anywhere in Great Britain would be considered.

[Fourormore]

Is the boy interested/willing to engage in counselling?

[sandandc]

Not sure but I feel/think it could be a first step. Haven't asked. My DH agrees with me as he's seen how counselling has worked for me and some of my childhood trauma. Also we have friends who are counsellor etc but we don't live in the UK. Christian family so everyone prayed about it/ God's will etc and then talk of sending to school in West Africa where there is still caning etc

[Fourormore]

It's a good suggestion. My thoughts are:

1. It will only work if he's willing/able to engage
   
2. At his age, he should probably be involved in the process of choosing the counsellor.
   

The BACP website is a good place to start, or the UKCP website. Find someone who is accredited rather than just a member. Someone that has experience in bereavement, men's issues and in counselling young people would be helpful.

[sandandc]

Thanks fourormore.
I will suggest. My DH is a father fig for boy so he may be able to have the conversation with him about whether he wants to consider counselling or not.

[corythatwas]

My dd did rather less well than might have been expected at her GSCE's due to long-standing trauma: in fact, if I hadn't known the background I would have been horrified. Knowing the background and how much she had had to come through, I was enormously proud. And I like to think that it was that sense of our pride in her and our support that helped her to push on with A-levels. The last thing I would have wanted for her at the time would have been to have taken away that support by sending her to boarding school. I second counselling.

Also calm practical discussions about the future. What are his chances to do better in the actual exams than in the mocks. If he performs according to predictions will he be able to get into Sixth form, either at his school or in a Sixth Form college? Are there any A-levels he specifically wants to do? Or something other than A-levels that appeals to him? If he has chosen a certain path, but bombs his exams, what is Plan B?

In dd's case there was a risk she would not pass her maths, but the college offered a Plan B which was basically that she could start her A-levels but do maths alongside them. In the event, she passed.

But basically, the calmer his mum can be, the better. This is one time in life where it really will pay if she can keep from freaking out. That is what I would pray about if I were her: courage and wisdom.