Should I allow my 16 y/o to go on a weekend away?

(26 Posts)
sunnydays13 Sun 10-Jul-16 15:24:12

My 16 year old daughter has asked to go to Leeds for 2 days with 5 of her friends. We live in Liverpool so they would get the train to Leeds, which is about 1hr30. She is proposing to stay in the student flat of one of her friend's sisters (the flat is empty). My immediate answer was no, as she is still very young but am I being unreasonable? She has had a job for 18 months now so could pay for it herself and I must admit, she is way more mature than I was at her age. I just worry about her being in a city that she doesn't know well without an adult. Am I making the right decision if I don't allow her to go?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sun 10-Jul-16 15:27:01

you are lucky she asked... she's 16, could have her own place and babies! Still very young my arse! Not too young to work for a living...pull yourself together and realise you are not sounding reasonable at all!

SueDunome Sun 10-Jul-16 15:28:18

Yes

insancerre Sun 10-Jul-16 15:29:12

Yes, of course you should let her go!
She's 16
Not 6

chipsandpeas Sun 10-Jul-16 15:30:10

let her go

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 10-Jul-16 15:30:45

You'll get harsh replies "16 is old enough to be married and have babies and living away from home " etc, "don't be so ridicuous and controlling" but most 16 year olds aren't doing that.

16 is a funny age, old enough to do so much but yet so young in many ways.

If she were mine and sensible, I'd say yes.

SueDunome Sun 10-Jul-16 15:30:48

To clarify: yes is to your first question: should I let my 16yo go on a weekend away, not to your second question; you are making the wrongoing decision if you don't let her go.

titchy Sun 10-Jul-16 15:37:25

What exactly do you think could happen in Leeds that couldn't happen in Liverpool? Not meant facetiously by the way - but to suggest you try and articulate exactly what your concerns are. As far as I can see there are two main differences - she doesn't know her way around, easily rectified by use of a map app on her phone and planning public transport / taxi to where they intend to go. Second risk presumably is that they'll get pissed in the absence of any adults.

MiddleClassProblem Sun 10-Jul-16 15:41:53

Yes, I was that age when I had my first hol (I was also home alone a lot with parents working away). If she's a good kid and her friends seem so too then I don't see why not.

Ohtobeskiing Sun 10-Jul-16 15:48:19

The way I see it is that the skills for independence have to be learned. In a year or two your daughter will probably want to go away for a holiday with her friends. This is a great opportunity for her to experience a bit of independence for a few days. Planning it and managing any unforseen problems is a great way to gain new skills and experiences. Sit down with her and talk about some of the things that might go wrong such as travel arrangements, losing stuff/money, one of the group becoming ill or injured and what she and the group might do.

panegyricS1 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:52:18

A weekend in the uk is good preparation for the inevitable week in Ibiza (or wherever) next year.

Bottomchops Sun 10-Jul-16 21:59:59

I was allowed to once I'd finished my GCSEs, but I was very sensible. I think you have to let her, but I'd hate it!! She has to start learning sometime how it all works.

ApocalypseSlough Sun 10-Jul-16 22:05:37

As they get older you have to let them go- a night away, promises to stick with friends, assurances that if it all goes tits up (viz stolen phones, missed trains lost keys not drugs and arrest wink ) you'll not get angry --but come and rescue them and they learn and you can relax.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 10-Jul-16 22:09:55

Nope, not 16. A year older, yes more than likely.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 10-Jul-16 22:10:01

16 and the end of year 11 or even year 12 then yes. At 16 and still in year 11 absolutely not.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 11-Jul-16 08:12:26

Yes, let her go. She's already familiar with city life if she's from Liverpool. Just remind her to keep her phone charged and not to go off alone, and to keep some emergency cash on her in case they need to get a bus/taxi home late.

She'll be fine.

HSMMaCM Mon 11-Jul-16 08:43:42

I went away with a friend after our GCSEs and stayed in my brothers student flat. We took a slight detour involving 5 different buses on the way home, but we had a fabulous time.

Only you know your DC and friends and how they would cope.

DD was at a festival after GCSEs last year (definitely not a safe place) and is off to the beach with a friend this year. They are planning to fly abroad next year.

Viewofthegarden Wed 13-Jul-16 00:34:03

OP, my reaction on reading this is that the right answer might be yes or might be no depending on the personality of your daughter and her friends! I am guessing it is unlikely that the 2 day break will be completely teetotal. Can you trust your daughter to keep her drinking within sensible limits even when in a situation when she knows there are no adults around to check on her? Are your daughter and the friends an established friendship group who can be trusted to stick together, particularly if going out in the evening?

rogueantimatter Wed 13-Jul-16 09:02:34

Would you let her go to an unsupervised party where there will be alcohol? And no adult on hand if anyone needs it?

Unless you are really sure that there won't be drinking I'd say no. And I'd think my 19YO DD was crazy if she allowed her 17YO brother and five of his friends to spend the weekend in her student flat while nobody else was in it. For a start, the mess...... Even when he thinks he's cleared up.

The potential for disaster is endless, apart from the consequences of having too much to drink: damaging the property, annoying the neighbours if they're very noisy etc etc. I know there are six of them but it seems like a big responsibility to look after a property that doesn't even belong to any of them.

However, if you know all six of them extremely well and you know all the parents and know they're okay with this then maybe.

So probably no.

PickAName456 Fri 15-Jul-16 22:05:47

I know exactly how you feel, our teen is going away for the first time this weekend.

Logically I know that I should let her go, she will probably have a great time, doing all sorts I don't need to know about, and I can't really think of any reasonable reason why she shouldn't go, she's sensible, works hard, paying for the trip herself and seems to have thought of everything BUT as her Mum it's natural to worry, it's tough but you can't be there to protect them and sort out every problem for them so I've decided to smile and wave her off and then have wine & chocolate to stop me worrying too much, after all they can't be as bad as we were at that age can they?

Ivorbig1 Mon 18-Jul-16 14:17:28

How stupid whoever said ... She could be married with babies, at 16!!
I wouldn't and my 16 is sensible. They are still young. Can she do something abit closer to home?

lambfam Wed 20-Jul-16 19:05:28

My 16 year old DS went youth hostelling with 5 friends for a week just after finishing GCSE's. They had a ball, probably drank a bit too much beer at times but all came back a bit more independent and a bit more grown up. I know I went off and stayed in hostels at 16 with friends and did some walking. I think by that age, if she is mature and sensible I would definitely let her go. I think they have to learn independence and be allowed to do things like this as long as you are happy that you know where she is staying and who is going.
I hope she has a great time

DetMcnulty Thu 21-Jul-16 09:28:27

At 16 I was living away from home at university, and went on a 2 week holiday to Mallorca, so yes, a trip a couple of hours from home seems completely reasonable at that age. And I wasn't even particularly sensible.

BarryTheKestrel Tue 02-Aug-16 13:48:30

Just after my GCSEs I went to Turkey for a week with my friends . An hour and a half up the road really wouldn't bother me as long as I could drive there if there was an emergency. Independence at this age will help her in the next few years to make her way in the world.

YelloDraw Tue 02-Aug-16 17:25:10

Let her go.

I'd also make sure she knows that if she ever needs to, if she gets in trouble/drinks too much/whatever she can call you and you'll help her first and leave the being cross till later.

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