Worried about DD15 being too anxious

(2 Posts)
QueenofQuirkiness Thu 30-Jun-16 21:55:09

Hello all, my eldest DD is 15 years old and nearing the end of year 10 at school. She has always been a high achieving girl and is a perfectionist, therefore if she ever gets bad marks she is more upset with herself than anything. I as a parent do not push her as she is very motivated and driven, and I would never put pressure on her.
However, recently she took her grade 5 oboe exam and broke down in tears because she was so stressed, and so redid the exam the following day and managed to get through it.
Today she did her Spanish speaking controlled assessment (AQA) and broke down in tears again during it, in the first sentence, even though she had achieved perfect marks and an A* on the previous writing CA. She was allowed to do the speaking again as she had stopped on the first sentence, but stopped on the first sentence again and got panicky.
She did it a third time and managed to get through it, but this is really concerning me and I'm worried about next year, as it appears that in any exam which is not written, she gets too anxious to perform well and is unable to do anything on the first try. What should I try to do to help her?

Steppenwolfe Fri 08-Jul-16 00:44:27

My dd's anxiety works very much like this too . She's also a high achiever who puts pressure on herself . Despite (or because of) running with the "in "crowd she has anxiety in some social situations too . I looked at it / discussed it with her like this .-this is a part of you but it doesn't have to be you(she would be prone to taking it on as a badge) ..It doesn't define you . You can tackle this . I took my daughter to a counsellor with the view that I was arming her with tools to deal with this part of her personality , to help her minimise it's impact . To be honest , while the counsellor was fab and talked her through lots of cbt after 5-6 weeks she said she didnt need anymore But. .because her anxiety was specific to situations ..her 'attacks' never happened when she was under the counsellor iyswim. So a lot of strategies etc went untested and we're forgotten by the time a situation arose . I found the best thing to do was research it myself . We took the "tools" for life approach and went through lots of online stuff til she found things that worked fr her . Telling her teachers was a big step as she thought they would think less of her ! Of course they didn't and were a huge support when she had let them know . It's a matter of working through tricks and techniques til you find something that at least helps.... If it's "practical "type performance then teachers might let her have a 2 quick rehearsals. Have her perform to relatives or neighbours to desensitise (using all her tips n tricks of course ) it's so hard . cakeflowers

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