Hi I would be grateful for any insight others might have.
My 13 year old daughter seems socially awkward to me. When I watch her conversing with other girls, she seems uncertain of how the subtleties of conversation work and can come across as a little eccentric. She doesn't seem able to convey that she had heard what is being said and have a two-way conversation, but rather talks at length herself or changes the subject onto what she would like to talk about. I know this is true of most children sometimes, but she does seem worse than what is typical for her age.
To me it seems that she has mild Aspergers traits, though I don't think she would meet the criteria to be diagnosed - the school haven't raised any concerns.
My question really is whether there are any other parents out there who have experience this with their own daughter or who have an insight and can give me the benefit of their experience in terms of how it will pan out? Do you think she will always find it hard to connect with others, or do you think as she matures, her social difficulties will melt away?
I see some of what you say in my dd1 who is also 13. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing and only time will tell. Part of our problem I feel is that I have kept my dds quite young and naive, they haven't been allowed to watch news or inappropriate tv programmes which means they often don't know what others are talking about culturally or news wise. I am now trying to correct this. I'm also supporting her hobbies more and letting her make more choices even if it isn't what I would choose!
Dd1 is just the same she has ADHD and is on the ASD spectrum. She finds friendships challenging as she can be very controlling eg she was invited to a birthday party then started to rearrange it to suit her despite my pleas then got upset when she was uninvited. She doesn't do small talk and tends to talk via social media and text with one word answers. A friend had written a paragraph on DDs wall with lots of slushy stuff and questions DD replied - thanks with a heart !
I had an ASD daughter and it's tough but she manages friendships just about. The best advice I would give is to talk about it and get her to understand what is happening and perhaps why. If she did have an early diagnosis she would do social clues social stories etc when she was younger which might help.
It's also helping them understand conversations and difficulties they may have especially if they are nervousness. That sometimes it's better to allow others to lead. It's a very slow process but I have just had to work really Very hard with my DD. There are plenty of resources out there. Baron Cohen has a great set of social clues and expressions online, there are ASD books for teenage girls. It's really perseverance and there is no quick answer. But don't ignore it bring it up and let it become something that you talk about regularly so it's recognises.
Not sure if that's helpful but good luck and you DD sounds not just familiar with my own daughter but also like many other people without a diagnosis.