Family meal out tonight and teens (16 & 13) ruined it [sad]

[SuperMumNot]

DS1 is mid- GCSES and has been working hard. DS2 has exams in the next couple of weeks, so we haven't been away over Half Term.

Neither had plans for tonight so we said would they like to go out for dinner to local restaurant (their choice) and they said yes.

Once we got there and ordered they just proceeded to ruin the evening with stupid silly behaviour:

• not being willing to engage in any sensible conversation about anything (DH & I were trying to agree stuff about our summer holiday)
  
• mucking about like toddlers - DS2 snorted laughing into his drink and sprayed it all over me
  
• stupid name-calling to each other the WHOLE time
  
• just constant stupid banter with phrases from YOuTube videos etc
  
• DS2 choosing to deliberately misunderstand everything we said and accusing us of 'hating him'
  

etc etc

It was honestly the most depressing evening I have ever spent with them. DH was angry and just went silent and I was angry and told them off.
We paid (over £90) and left.

I am honestly so angry and disappointed in them. Is this a phase they reach and come out of again (please...)?

Feel like I want to tell them how ungrateful and out of order they were, but am still too angry.
DH says we should cancel holiday plans.

[Emochild]

You are thinking of cancelling holiday plans because your teens were letting off steam during exam season and getting on with each other?

Go you!

[Mooingcow]

They sound perfectly normal and I'm afraid you and your DH sound somewhat uptight.

They're letting off steam at a stressful time. It's how they act, they just sound a bit silly.

I think either develop a puerile sense of humour or don't go out to eat with them for the next seven years.

I'd just be glad they were jolly and getting on well with each other.

Cancel the holiday? Nut and sledgehammer!

[SuperMumNot]

Not seriously, I'm sure DH will calm down...

I just expected better from them - it's not as if they're little kids.

[reup]

That sounds like my 12 year old - he drive us mad on the car home acting like a toddler with his younger brother. He keeps telling me I'm a hater even if I just ask him to out his trainers away!

[Earlybird]

Cancelling your holiday would be a huge over reaction, and really shouldn't even be a discussion..

Yes, they are old enough to behave in a nice restaurant. But, look at it from their point of view. I expect they have been disciplined / focused and under pressure quite a bit recently and just needed to be silly and lark about. A nice restaurant isn't the place for that obviously, but perhaps next time you can 'get into their world' a bit and let them act like teens instead of young adults.

Maybe do something outdoors and physical with them? Or eat at a place of their choosing that is more relaxed and informal? Or have a family picnic followed by some football or some other activity?

Do something to help them manage the tension and stress, instead of putting them under even more stress because their parents are angry at them.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

I understand. They spoiled an evening when you tried to do a nice thing for all of you and they've left a nasty taste in your mouth.

Let is go. They won't even realize let alone remember. It's a shame, but just one of those things and yes, it is a phase and they will grow out of it.

I recommend

[NapQueen]

Honestly that just sounds normal

Next time seat them on a different table

Or leave them at home.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Oh it does sound a bit grim .

Was it honestly a surprise? Do you often eat together or go out for meals together?

You do have to remember that you are an utterly alien species to the average teenager though, especially as you are the parents.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Oh dear. I thought they sounded quite fun. Better than a stuffy uptight meal out anyway!

Sorry

[NoCapes]

They were just being a bit silly and having fun

Chill the fuck out OP

[SirChenjin]

They sound like typical PITA teenagers. Have a chat about Behaviour when you've all calmed down.

Chilling the fuck down is OTT though - as I'm sure you know.

[greengreenten]

This happens to us too. Sometimes we go out and everyone makes an effort and gets on OR the teenagers and/or DH decide to bicker or go silent.

We don't go out much and if we do it's Weatherspoons now where it's cheap and cheerful. It's really upsetting to spend so much money and it not be appreciated but that's family life I guess. Take the path of least resistance. Takeaway in front of the tv next time?

[SouthWestmom]

Yes that would be annoying and probably worse than it sounds written down. Just go with Dh next time

[FeelingSmurfy]

Sounds like what they needed if they are both studying for and doing exams, they obviously felt relaxed for a change and let it all come out

It's not behaviour I would encourage or be happy with, but considering what else they have going on I would let it go this time and be glad they went out for a meal with you and both got on with each other, plus they weren't just staring at screens and ignoring everyone else

[Aducknotallama]

Sounds normal to me !

[Iknownuffink]

They sound like spoilt brats.

[ImportantSpanielBusiness]

They sound funny! I love teenagers and how awkward and gobby they are. (I wouldn't want to parent one though)

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

See, I don't think this is normal. Teenagerrs can act in an appropriate and considerate manner.

I wouldn't cancel the holiday but I would turn off the WiFi

[Haffdonga]

(Mum of 2 teen dss here).

Sounds bloody irritating, sadly normal but not acceptable. I'd let them know loudly that this is not acceptable behviour in a restaurant and say no next time they ask for a nice meal out. And then let it go.

Do you eat as a family together at home? Do they behave like this at family meals?

[Cantusethatname]

It does sound normal but that doesn't mean it's good. I would hate to be sitting near two kids behaving like this if I was out for a meal.
If you don't like the behaviour, tell them. Why should you spend 90 pounds of your wages on a crap evening? Tell them you won't take them again until they can behave. If they ever start this again, stand up, pay for the food you've had, and walk out. Shock them.
(I've served my time bringing up teenage boys and they turn out OK)

[MrTiddlestheFatCat]

They should like spoilt brats

They just sound like normal teenage boys to me. A lot of it will just be their sense of humour at that age.

Spitting a drink over you is a bit too far though, and I would be cross then. But it was an accident and if he apologised, it would be very easy to move on from.

Cancelling your holiday would be cutting off your nose to spite your face imo.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Can't remember how or when 'Why do you hate me?' became a family catch phrase but it has!

[MarasmeAbsolu]

mmmm I m quite weirded out by whoever thinks you are uptight...
I would be similarly disappointed if my two ever pulled a stunt like this.

I would definitely re-calibrate holiday plans, in line with the behaviour they displayed.

[cestlavielife]

4 x adult meals and drinks for 90 is not hugely expensive so it's a chain type place ?
You say the coversation about the holiday was between "dh and i" so you were not talking to or involving them anyway .? So they got on with their own teen thing? Sounds like they were being silly but not a big deal.

[Originalfoogirl]

Wow, "parents do something nice, kids spoil it" shocker.

If at 13 and 16, this is the first time you've had a nice time spoiled by them, I think you've got off lightly so far!