feel like I am losing my son

(3 Posts)
user1464849322 Thu 02-Jun-16 08:38:58

My 16 year old ds and I are very close. He started changing a lot last year getting less communicative with my partner and I and not wanting to spend time with us....all normal I guess. He began going out with a gf about then and although she is very sweet, she now doesn't seem to like being here in our house much so he spends more time at her house. Her parents earn more and are the kind of people who like to point out what busy lives they lead and tell you all about what they've done and are planning. That's fine to a point as we're busy and doing stuff too but don't broadcast it. We feel like we're being compared and found lacking and I now worry the gf may be making my ds feel bad about us. When the gf does come around she has virtually no conversation. ..mealtimes are painful but I try (possibly a bit too much manic silence filling). I had hoped after a year we'd have a bit of a friendly relationship but no. Gf and ds have spoken to friends of her parents family re internship in London and mother of gf took them off to a career fair but without me, although I found out after that a few kids went with her and their parents. I feel gf mother is just overstepping with this. I don't feel my opinion or advice now matters to my ds as he only seems influenced by gf parents. I'm losing sleep and feel very emotional and just don't know what to do. ....

Ratbagcatbag Thu 02-Jun-16 10:00:41

Hi user (that sounds awful - sorry)
We had similar with my DSS when he hit 15 (he's now 17) and got a gf, he's always been laid back and she's quite controlling. He spent ages with her and literally is there all the time as her mum had far fewer rules than we or his mum ever had.
For about 6-12 months it was awful, like you say just long silences if she was around etc, he's now come out the other side in so much he asks for our opinion again, can actually be separated from his gf and have fun days out with us etc. he did miss a once in a lifetime holiday with his mum to New York though as he didn't want to be apart from her for that long hmm
I won't say we've ever gone back to what was our "normal" but we ha e accepted he's growing up and he makes decisions about his life that we don't always agree with.
Im sure that isn't what you want to hear, but it has got easier and he is more involved in family life now, but still stays at his gf at least four nights a week. It's frustrating but all we can do is be there for him and guide him when he needs it.

gamerchick Thu 02-Jun-16 10:07:18

Heh we're having the same thing, I barely see my 16 yr old. grin I do fake wooooooo I never seeeee yoooou and he laughs. He's out there tasting different bits of life knowing he has a base here. It's part of them spreading their wings.

I can say though that this is totally normal and they do come back. Try not to get jealous.

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