would you let your 12year old go into town with a boy who nicks stuff?

[brandy7]

i thought ds was going into town with his best mate,whos a nice lad. i caught him out and found out half hour ago as he was leaving that he was going in with a boy who treats ds like dirt half the time and nicks stuff from the village shop. if theyre in a gang and he nicks stuff from a towncentre my ds could get in deep trouble.

hes having a major tantrum STILL! the usual "i hate you" "youre the worst mum ever" blah blah blah

[Kbear]

Ask him how much he'll hate you when you pick him up from the police station later with his criminal record!

Tough call. He'll hate you either way, he's 12 (!) but I don't think I'd let him go and I'd calmly explain why (even if he's ranting) just stay calm, say you don't want him getting into trouble etc etc.

[AllieBongo]

7's you are right, don't let him go. can you do something with him and little l instead??

[brandy7]

yea ive told him hes not going, that means il have him stropping all blinkin day and giving me the evil eye.

hi allie, im afraid hes past the age of wanting to go out with mum and little bruv now, too uncool

[tigermoth]

I wouldn't let him go on and be really firm as to why. He is trying to push the boundaries IMO. Ignore the tantrum.

If he hates going out with you and his little bro (I have a 12 and 7 year old so get this too) I would tell him he is free to see other friends today (providing you are happy about them). If that's not possible, and if he bucks his ideas up, I'd tell him he can choose a DVD to rent out tonight or you'll have one of his friends for a sleepover next weekend.

I think you should also make a mental note to keep your ds away from the influence of this boy (take him out more, encourage other friendships, get him to join a weekend club etc).

[colditz]

No. Let him strop and bawl all he likes, you are right.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

brandy7

What's the attraction for your son to be hanging around with this bad influence?. Seems like this other lad has a svengali type influence over your son (who may well have esteem issues of his own). Your son certainly needs to make new friends.

Here's another thought for your son.

He may well at one point wish to visit America or visit anywhere that has visa requirements for entry.

They will be less likely to allow him entry if he has a criminal record (at the very least he will need to apply for a visa).

[brandy7]

ds calmed down after about an hour. i think he actually realised himself that it would have been a bad idea to go.

tigermoth,great minds think alike!i did tell him when he'd calmed down that he could have his bestmate over next friday for the night and then go into to town the next morning with him.also told him that the £5 he had saved would give him more to go in town with next week.he hadnt thought of that!

attila, the boy in question lives opposite my mum and dad so ds has known him for years. the boy is either best mates with ds or downright nasty, the amount of times ds has come home in tears where the boy has turned on him. i thought only girls displayed this sort of behaviour, obviously im wrong!

ds only really plays with the boy when his best mate isnt about, or they all hang out playing footie together. he doesnt get any agro when theres a crowd its when theyre on their own together.

youre right about the esteem issues, ds has had an awful lot of emotional stuff to deal with and is having school counselling.ive asked him to discuss the boy with the counsellor to see if she can give him any ways of dealing with him.

thanks for all your replies .

[tigermoth]

brandy7, it sounds like you are doing as much as you can. Glad your son calmed down so quickly. Perhaps there was a bit of secret relief in there, but he won't admit it to you!

My oldest ds (nearly 13) happened to look at this thread title and quizzed me in the car about it this afternoon. I told him what it was about and what I thought. I got a sense he was looking for reassurance from me about what he is and isn't allowed to do.

[brandy7]

hi tigermoth, yes think he was relieved really. aw glad your ds might have benefitted from the thread title.

ive had no tantrums from ds today, he injured his ankle at footie and has had migraine/headache all day. taking him back up docs tomorow to see i they can suggest anything for his bleak moods/headaches.does your ds get headaches ?

[100PerCentCod]

tell him he will get into trouble and go to court adn have to spend MORE time with you

[Blandmum]

No I wouldn't.

Because you can bet his balls that it would soon be two boys who nick stuff. However nice and wonderful your ds undoubtably is, peer pressure is sooooooooooooo strong and 12 years olds have got the common sense of a newt

[brandy7]

good point cod,hadnt thought of wording it like that

pmsl at commonsense of a newt!so true