Does this sound fair? phone related

[Dancergirl]

Older two dds are nearly 15 and 13 and both very much love their phones like most teens. So far we only have one rule in place which is no phones in their rooms overnight, they are kept charging in the kitchen.

But I'd fed up with nagging them to turn them off at night at a decent enough time before bed. I'm thinking of having a limit of 10pm by which time phones must be off and left downstairs.

Sound reasonable? Or too late/too early?

[Patchworkrainbow123]

My DS is 15 almost 16 and like you we won't allow phones in the bedroom overnight. He has to have his charging in the lounge by 11pm along with his iPad (bed time). We had to nag at the beginning but rarely now as the rule has been in place for a while. Friday and Saturday are the only nights the rule isint enforced. I think what you are suggesting is very reasonable.

[Patchworkrainbow123]

Sorry meant to add I would have slightly different times to reflect the different ages. 9.30 for the younger Dd and 10pm for the older one.

[Bluelilies]

We have our router set to go off automatically at 11pm and I can tell from DC's phone bill if they go online after that.

I think 10pm is perfectly reasonable but you need some sort of sanction if they don't do it without you having to remind them

[Dancergirl]

Thanks, I did think about having different times but TBH it would be more hassle for me to remember and enforce and they are actually only 21 months apart in age.

What sort of sanction would be reasonable? Confiscating the phone for a period of time?

[Bluelilies]

An earlier time to take it off them the following night might work, or limits to the amount of data on their contracts. You want something bad enough to act as an incentive, but minor enough that you won't hesitate to implement it. So don't confiscate it for a whole day if they're 5 minutes late leaving it downstairs

[Patchworkrainbow123]

We are often in bed before DS though up well before him too. When he was younger I would often ban that days use of the phone/x box etc whatever I thought would get the message across. We don't have many rules but that one I feel is important so tried to send a message that that rule is non negotiable. Now he is older it really isint an issue any more. On the rare occasion it has been broken I have spoken to him about it and stressed that if it happens again there will be a consequence

[soundofthenightingale]

My rule is phone gets turned off at 7 p.m. and kept in living room overnight .

Otherwise they're never really at home fully and not properly relaxing before bed-time after busy day.

[Dancergirl]

But then if it's too early they miss out on an awful lot of social stuff on whatsapp etc....

[soundofthenightingale]

True, Dangergirl. But family life, relaxation, personal time and homework would all take priority for me.

[soundofthenightingale]

I meant Dancergirl!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Ds is 15 and he goes up at 9.30 for a shower, to read etc. He has to leave his phone downstairs too.

I got fed up with nagging so drew up a contract which stated that if he didn't leave his phone downstairs he would lose it for 48hrs. Lots of huffing and puffing but he now remembers ever night without having to be reminded

[Dancergirl]

Yes to the huffing and puffing! I informed my dds of the new 10pm rule yesterday (and I think 10pm is actually very generous) to be met with comments of 'boot camp' and army!

[steppemum]

ds is 13, he has to be in his room at 9pm, phone downstairs, bag for tomorrow downstairs, clothes for tomorrow out, and then he can read etc if he wants till 9:30, lights out.

We try and be pretty strict about the 9pm phone, he will do ANYTHING to get round this restriction. But he does accept it.
He had his phone upstairs overnight one night this week, and so automatically lost it for school the next day.

I think 10 pm is pretty late for 13. You say there is 'only' 21months between them, but actually there is a huge difference between 13 and 15, and getting more privileges as you get older is one of the perks of getting older.

[Orac]

I would never have got away with a the same rule for mine when they were 13 and 15. Older DC needs to have the appearance of being treated as older.

[Dancergirl]

Yes I suppose 10 is a bit on the late side. But I have battled about bedtime for my 13 year old for a long time and I have now realised that her being in bed too early is pointless as she can't sleep. Her bedtime until recently was 9.45pm but it was gradually drifting later. She's fine getting up in the morning so she's obviously getting enough sleep.

[Dancergirl]

So I think phone off and left in kitchen at 9.30pm for 13 year old and 10pm for 15 year old, how does that sound?

But it's also the daytime use that annoys me. I have recently allowed snapchat and they are now spending loads of time taking inane pictures of themselves Drives me mad.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Personally I'd do 9 for youngest and 10 for oldest. There's a big difference between a 13 year old and a 15year old and that needs to be reflected in their privileges IMO.

If they have phones that will use them and kids take pics that's the whole point of Snapchat

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Ds is 15 and doesn't sleep but he is expected to have a wind down period with no screen time. He reads before bed and without the distraction of his phone he'll sometimes tuck down pretty early.