My 15 year old son moved to his Dad's a week ago. I'm absolutely heartbroken as (obviously ) I love him so much.
What started it all was that we were on holiday when his twin sister needed to find a toilet quickly as her tampon was leaking. I rushed on ahead with her to find one leaving the rest of the group behind - son, son's friend, daughters friend, my younger daughter, husband and another mother. My son came running up to me and shouted at me "Don't you think you show slow down since X can't walk very well?". I admit that I did snap back and said no - I needed to find a toilet for my daughter and I'm sure they could all cope without me for 5 minutes.
What followed was horrendous. We were all 8 of us sat at a picnic table with my son calling me a "fucking bitch" and a "fucking cunt" saying he hated me and was going to live with his Dad. I took him to one side, apologised for snapping and explained the urgency for the toilet. He continued with his angry and abusive language for the rest of the evening.
Since he got back he's started coming out with all sorts. I don't treat him equally to his sisters. I never listen to him. I bought his sister an I phone 6 but he got nothing (his Dad is responsible for his phone I'm responsible for his sisters and since he's lost at least 4 phones I can see his reluctance to get him a contract phone). He said (to his step mother) that whenever he asks to talk to me I say that I'm too tired. This has never happened - not once.
His father, rather than back next up has decided to "stay neutral".
My son has said he will only come home if I apologise for telling him off on holiday and agree to treat him equally to the girls and change my ways. How can I do this? He wants me to admit that he's my least favourite child which is simply not true. His stepmother told me I should be "the bigger person" and just apologise. I've already apologised for snapping but if I apologise for telling him off for swearing at me and not treating him equally it's just going to validate it in his own mind isn't it?
Son has agreed to go to one counselling session but has said if I try and manipulate the situation by lying then he'll walk straight out. He honestly believes his version of events despite the fact there were 7 other witnesses who all back my version of events.
I honestly think he's dug himself into a massive hole and is now trying to justify it by coming up with ridiculous claims over I phones and unfavourable treatment.
I have been struggling massively with my mental health since December. I admit that I've been spending too much time on my phone - this is something the others have also pulled me up on so I've agreed to stop this. I got to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts and have now been put on citalapram but it's not working yet and I just cry all the time over the slightest thing.
I can honestly hand on heart say I treat them equally. When I upgraded my daughters phone contract it cost an extra tenner a month so I increased his spending money by the same. I admit I've been a but "absent" from everyone due to the mental health issues and having been doing enough fun stuff with them such as days out etc so he does have a point there but none of this is directed solely at him. They've all 3 been affected.
His sister thinks he just wants to stay with his Dad because he can do what he wants there - stay in bed until 3pm, them play on his x box all day. No chores. No rules. I do wonder if he's depressed also as obviously it runs in the family.
I just don't know what to do.
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I think I've lost my son
MrsGradyOldLady · 11/04/2016 09:15
If you grovel the way he is demanding you grovel you are setting yourself up for a pretty abusive dynamic with your son.
How is your relationship with his dad? I think the two of you need a united front here. And the stepmother can keep her beak out 
A teenage boy calls his depressed mother a 'fucking cunt' and it's good that the dad is neutral? 
Perhaps, difficult as it is, you should let him carry on staying at his Dad's until he does start displaying some of the behaviour his dad doesn't see. It gives you and his sisters a bit of a break from some of his behaviour and gives him time to see that the grass is not always greener. It's not on that he's hitting his sister, he's 15 not 3.
You can't let him hold you to ransom/manipulate you like this. He's being quite abusive. You don't owe him an apology. Sounds like you all might benefit from time apart. He's in a safe place with his other parent. Let him do some of the hard work of parenting a teenager full-time. The fact his step - mum is suggesting you could apologise may mean they're not so relaxed about the idea of him staying there permanently, so I wouldn't worry that he's not coming back to you. 15 can be a really unpleasant age. 
he sounds like he is being awfully unreasonable. 
I think that a letter might work better than texts - it has more gravitas somehow. I also think you need to try and talk with your ex.
One of my DBs pulled a similar stunt with my DM accusing her of all sorts. His version of his childhood seemed so far removed from mine. However, from reading the Stately Homes threads I think I've a bit more understanding on how that happens. My Mum dealt with it by apologizing for everything and crying a lot - it's settled down now.
I think it might be ok if you DS stays with your dad as long as it practical.
Teens can be really ridiculous so maybe he will grow out of it. The violence is not ok and I think that has to be dealt with more severely.
I wonder if your house will feel more relaxed without him there ? Maybe that would be better for yiur MH.
It's a horrible horrible situation
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