inappropriate age gap

(10 Posts)
pandora987 Tue 08-Mar-16 13:20:30

My DD 12 has been texting this older boy and today I saw some messages on her laptop which are really concerning. I suppose sexting is the only way of describing them. The language didn't go past kissing, cuddling, neck biting etc, but definite hints about what could follow. They haven't met and will only over my dead body now I have found out today that he is 17, 18 in 2 months time. I am completely freaking out about this, and I have just reported it to the police as I consider this to be grooming. I have asked her about this boy before when the messages were a lot more innocent and she said he was at her school, but this is obviously not true as he is past school leaving age. Have I done the right thing? And what am I going to say to DD??? Any advice appreciated..

Runner05 Tue 08-Mar-16 13:43:17

Yes, you were completely right an 18 year old speaking sexually in any way to a 12 year old is not acceptable. He's old enough to think of her as a child.
Don't get me wrong, if the age gap was the same but she was 18 (he was 24) I think you'd have to trust her to make up her own mind.

I think you need to sit her down and explain that while you know she has feelings for this man (make a point of calling him a man not a boy) the fact that he is texting her in that way is wrong and illegal. Make sure she knows you have respect for her feelings as at that age emotions run high but also make sure she understands that what he's doing is wrong and if he tried to act on any of the things they've been talking about he will go to prison.
I don't envy you as I doubt she'll want to hear what your saying.

LimitedSedition Tue 08-Mar-16 13:50:36

Good in you for reporting it to the police. There's nothing to say he is even 17, maybe he's even older. People aren't always who they say they are.

Pandora987 Tue 08-Mar-16 14:02:07

Pretty sure he is 17, seen his Facebook page and his pictures look about right. You're right Limited he could be someone else entirely but TBH I'm worried enough about the 17/18 as it is!! He's also a hoody wearing little scrote bag who's in trouble with the police already so even if he was the same age as DD I still wouldn't like it! But it's how she's going to react that worries me. Pretty volatile at the best of times, but I cant just ignore it and hope it goes away. What does a 17 year old want with a 12 year old anyway??? Wish I could ground her until she's 18 ..... The police have said they want to come round and talk to her about it...

Runner05 Tue 08-Mar-16 14:16:15

What do you think he wants with her hmm from the sound of the messages it's fairly obvious.

Primaryteach87 Tue 08-Mar-16 14:19:23

I think you have done absolutely the right thing. I would explain the concept of grooming and age of consent to your daughter.

Maybe also talk about compliments and self esteem if you think this could be an underlying cause.

To be honest at 12 I would have thought this guy was a creep.

OhShutUpThomas Tue 08-Mar-16 14:25:57

You have absolutely done the right thing.

This is not an inappropriate age gap. This is paedophilic. No normal 18 year old sexts 12 year olds.

noblegiraffe Tue 08-Mar-16 14:40:17

You might want to report to CEOP as well as the police as they are the people who deal with this sort of thing and will have advice on how to handle it with your DD.

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/article-repository/What-is-sexual-grooming/

scarlets Tue 08-Mar-16 16:23:30

That's so grim, assuming she hasn't lied about her age. What is wrong with him!?! You've done the right thing, OP.

Pinkheart5915 Tue 08-Mar-16 16:28:20

This is a very inappropriate age gap.
What sort of 17/18 year old boy wants to sext a12 year old?
You have defiantly done the right thing reporting it to the police.

Maybe a chat with your dad able why age gaps like this are wrong and about grooming etc is called for if you haven't already?

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