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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

10 year old bullied for bushy eyebrows.

43 replies

user1456259671 · 23/02/2016 21:47

My Dd is being teased at school for having a 'unibrow', it's not the first time she has become quite upset over it. Today she asked me if she could get her eyebrows done. She is only 10 and I am totally against the idea but hate seeing her so self conscious over this. I make sure I tell her that she is beautiful every day and is normally very self confident. What would you do?

OP posts:

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ThisIsNotARealAvo · 23/02/2016 21:51

I would let her get them plucked or threaded, at least in the middle where it doesn't hurt and she would still have a natural soft shape. When I was younger I was never allowed to do much to my appearance and I really resented my mum for it. My dd is only 6 but she already has quite hairy legs and if she feels self conscious about it in a few years I will let her do something about it.

Nogoodblood · 23/02/2016 21:52

Please let her get them shaped. It's her body; she decides what happens to it :)

DancingDinosaur · 23/02/2016 21:54

I would let her do it.

dementedpixie · 23/02/2016 21:55

Dd first got hers done at the salon i go to at age 11 as she had a monobrow too. Let her get them done

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 23/02/2016 21:58

I got bullied for the same thing from
The age of 10.My mum wouldn't have even known about eye brow shaping but I wish she had as it was all so avoidable....it's not like cosmetic surgery or anything and she will probably feel better when it's done. I hate the thought of having to give in to bullies but tbh she will end up doing it anyway when she gets older (probably badly if I'm anything to go on).Better to get it done professionally now I would say.

user1456259671 · 23/02/2016 21:58

Thank you for all your advice, I will speck to her again tomorrow and if she still wants to get them done I will let her, I was just worried that she was to young.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 23/02/2016 22:03

shes not too young imo if shes being teased about it and its easily sorted

HelenF35 · 23/02/2016 22:06

For me tackling the bullying/teasing should be the main issue here regardless of whether she gets them shaped.

exLtEveDallas · 23/02/2016 22:07

DD (10) wants hers done - not a unibrow but very bushy. I'm taking her to get them waxed rather than plucked/threaded because it's less 'continuing' pain IYSWIM because she is quite a wimp

user1456259671 · 23/02/2016 22:07

We are tackling it, I have spoken to the school and they have reassured me that they are dealing with it.

OP posts:

Micah · 23/02/2016 22:07

Jeez. What is with eyebrows at the moment with the young people.

I think i'd be approaching the school about the bullying to start. Let them know she is being bullied, and tgey need to take action. If your child is being bullied, others will be too.

As for your dd, i dont know what id do. Im very against changing appearance to "fit in", and i strongly believe even if she gets her eyebrows done, it's unlikely to stop the bullying- theyll jyst find something else.

Sit down, talk it through. Tell her it probably wont stop the bullying, and she cant continually change herself every time some nasty person decides to make an issue. Even if they dont bully her, they'll switch to someone else.

Ask her what advice she'd give to a girl in her class who was being picked on for eyebrows. Should she have to change because of others behaviour?

If she still wants to get them done, fair enough.

user1456259671 · 23/02/2016 22:15

I have spoken to the school and they have been aware of this continuous problem for a while.
Unfortunately the bullies parents also don't show much compassion which is properly the reason they are teasing my Dd.
Luckily she also has some very good friends and is mostly happy to go to school.
I have told her that she is beautiful and it is what is in the inside what counts. I just hate to see her upset over something which could easily be sorted. Also I don't want her to think if she isn't happy with her appearance she can just change it. I want her to be self confident and love herself for who she is.

OP posts:

Ooof35 · 23/02/2016 22:21

Please do let her do it, OP.

I had underarm hair aged 9/10, was teased mercilessly and it really could have been so easily avoided. I eventually started shaving in secret, risking sharing a blade (hygiene issues) and harming myself with a razor! No good for self esteem at all.
See it as an extension of keeping her hair trimmed- you'd soon sort it out if it was wild and unmanageable.

BunnyTyler · 23/02/2016 22:29

I would let her get them done I think.
Probably just the middle bit unless she is really bothered about the rest too.

It's something that is quite usual to do anyway as you get older, so it's not really any more drastic than changing a hairstyle in the grand scheme of things.

But obviously all the other stuff which you're doing anyway is just as important if not more so.

Branleuse · 24/02/2016 08:28

my mum was very much of the opinion that body hair was normal, I shouldnt have to shave to fit in etc.. I interpreted this as not shaving or I would disappoint my mum and upset her, and I felt SO torn, and was teased mercilessly. Admittedly it wasnt the only thing I was teased for, but tbf, a lot of things I was teased for were appearance related that I could have done with a bit more support to help fit in at school as its not really the place to make personal stands about unusual appearances unless it comes directly from the confidence of the child itself. In school its best to be able to keep your head down and not stand out. We force them to go to school so we should help them avoid being targetted whilst there. We all know what other kids can be like.

bruffin · 24/02/2016 08:39

Micah
Its not new
I was bullied/teased about it back in the 60s, my ds was also teased about it 10 years ago,

JustDanceAddict · 24/02/2016 09:50

Get it done. Just take her to a salon for a wax as it's not a big deal really (give her nurofen first as it can hurt a bit!). If you can eliminate the cause of the bullying, then why not?

Micah · 24/02/2016 11:40

If you can eliminate the cause of the bullying, then why not?

Because the cause of the bullying is the people who bully, not anything the person being bullied does. Saying "oh she's being bullied because she has hairy eyebrows" is only one step away from saying "oh she was raped because she was wearing a short skirt". The only thing that will eliminate the bullying is to stop the bullies.

The responsibility lies with the bully not to bully, or the rapist not to rape.

In many cases the "thing" a child is being bullied about is simply a way to get at the child. If she does something about it, chances are the bullies will comment on that too. It won't be the right way, it'll be waxed not threaded, too much, not enough, not HD. They might tease about being so hairy she needed her brows done in the first place, or simply move on to her legs, or the shape of her skirt, or her shoes. Not being bullied is more about not letting them affect you, rather than changing to gain their approval.

If this were happening in our school, the head would have a whole school assembly and address the bullying. There's not much to speak of in our school because the head has all the children understanding bullying- if anyone tries to pick on a child, a bunch of others will recognise it as bullying and remove the child from the situation. When nobody will tolerate anyone being mean or personal about another child, it can't happen. The school should be dealing with the o/p's problem, not just a beautician.

redhat · 24/02/2016 11:46

For goodness sakes get it sorted out for her OP. She's ten, its a difficult age where they do start noticing appearance etc. I plucked my eyebrows and bleached my moustache from age 11. Had I not I would have had a monobrow and a very dark and noticeable moustache. I don't understand the rationale behind leaving it, particularly when she's already being teased.

WoodleyPixie · 24/02/2016 11:46

I would take her to have them shaped. Its not expensive and its quick, it won't need a huge amount of upkeep, once a month or so would be plenty.

It will stop her shaving them off, which is what my then 12yr old ds did! He shaved the top of them off, realised it looked ridiculous and then shaved them off completely and sharpied on a black line!!! I kid you not. All because people made comments about his eyebrows, I wouldn't even go so far as to say bullied, just a few comments about how dark and thick his eyebrows were, but obviously enough to make him self conscious about it.

Branleuse · 24/02/2016 11:56

the cause of the bullying is people who bully - of course, but they are children, and teasing is part of what children do. It needs to be dealt with and they need to be taught acceptance and tolerance, but if there is an easily fixable issue that is very likely to make your child a target, then theres no point sitting around thinking about how terrible the other children are. Kids notice stuff like that and we are all bombarded with beauty standards everywhere that we are all influenced by. If you dont help her sort it, then it wont be long before shes trying to sort it out herself with a razor and cutting herself and doing a much worse job than if you helped her.

a ten year old schoolgirl shouldnt be asked to be some trailblazer example for acceptance of facial hair in girls.

ppandj · 24/02/2016 15:48

I would take her to get them done to be honest. It isn't a permanent change to her appearance as they will grow back (unlike piercings or cosmetic surgery for example). Then you can nurture her confidence further and in time, if she feels more confident, she may decide to let them grow again that will probably be the fashion at some point anyway!

I agree that people shouldn't have to conform and change their appearance to avoid bullying, unfortunately I think it has been and always will be like that. Equally, if doing something different to your appearance gives you more confidence, I struggle to see the problem with that. Give her the freedom to choose.

scarlets · 24/02/2016 17:33

If she doesn't like them, she should alter them. If she's happy with them, she shouldn't. Let her decide.

Hulababy · 24/02/2016 17:37

You may find some places won't do it for her yet. I know the Brow Bar round here says 13y+ for example.

You could help her use tweezers to trim them a little, rather than doing it fully. Or ask around various salons if she wants it down properly. DD started having hers done from 11/12 iirr. Itw as her choice (no bullying.)

But yes, the bullying is the main thing that needs focusing on.

PerspicaciaTick · 24/02/2016 17:44

We've been plucking DD's unibrow since she was 10 and have recently started waxing her moustache.

It's absolutely fine to offer her alternatives, boost her self-esteem, deal with the bullies. But forbidding her from removing her own body hair is unfair and likely to end up with her taking independent and potentially damaging action of her own (plus I wouldn't like my bullied, teenage DD to have a stash of secret, hidden razors - too much of a small step)

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