My lovely DS (17) has had an issue at school today that required school to ring me. They said he had posted something inappropriate on social media which had caused other people to be upset with him, including some of his friends, and has been put on a two day internal suspension for his actions. In the ensuing conversations with the Head and Head of Sixth Form, they realised that he was 'vulnerable' and have set up dialogue sessions/counselling options for him.
I am side swiped. I know that he has had issues with confidence in the past but have an open frank relationship with him - only last week he was discussing an issue with me regarding sex with his long term gf. He consistently under performs at school but is under very little pressure from home - he is loved and has a comfortable life, including access to a car to learn to drive, gym membership, orthodontics, clothes, phone - whatever he asks for within reason.
After the phone call from school, I talked with him to try to understand what had happened. After a lot of encouragement (but not bossiness or demanding) he told me that he has been worrying about an event that happened three years ago when he was in Yr 9. He had swapped messages with a girl which had grown flirtatious, she had sent him a picture of herself, and he, in turn, had sent an intimate picture back. The girl then turned out not to be a girl, but someone else in school (who has since left). The rumour of the photo then spread (although not the photo itself) and he has been worrying abut it ever since. Today, the rumour resurfaced from someone no longer at school, and in retaliation, he posted either a photo or an unpleasant comment about her, which has caused the problem today.
He now says that he thinks there is no point in trying to make something of himself, because if he did well, then this picture would resurface and undo any work he had done. I have tried to reassure him that people will realise that he was 14, we all do things that we regret from time, and that he is according more importance to this image than it deserves. I told him that he is very well loved and he needs to work on not letting this event shape his life, and that it may take time.
Am I right? How else can I help him? I have not been angry, just quiet and supportive - I really want to help him as much as possible. Will it just pass with school's help and support from home?
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DS just revealed three year worry
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Lucysmum15 · 04/02/2016 00:00
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