Random teenagers sleeping in my sitting room

(146 Posts)
SiwanGwynt Sat 30-Jan-16 11:40:38

Dh came downstairs this morning to find a teenager asleep on our sofa. He was furious.

DS (18) had gone to a party, told me that he would not be home. Turns out he did, with his girlfriend and another girl. They came in at 4am, we did not hear them.

DH (DS is his stepson) is livid and talking about how awful it is to have strangers in the house. This is the second time it has happened this month, and he does not want it happening again. Shouted and woke them all up. Still took her 3 hours to get her stuff together and go home.

I am less bothered. It was a girl, I have met her (last time she stayed over and we found her on the sofa) and I would rather have known. I think this is pretty much par for the course for having teenagers. He is cross with me for not being as cross as he is.

What do others think? I am being too laid back?

Dafspunk Sat 30-Jan-16 11:43:29

I'd be glad my child was responsible enough not to leave a friend out on their own or facing a lone journey home.

SirChenjin Sat 30-Jan-16 11:46:33

No, I wouldn't be happy with finding teenagers in my living room - our home is where 5 of us live (when DS1 is not away at uni) and we all have a right to know who is in our home and to use the living room. Prior notification of who will be sleeping in the house is required on all fronts.

Would I have shouted and woke them all up? No, not at all - but we'd be having a conversation about ground rules round about now.

DolorestheNewt Sat 30-Jan-16 11:49:09

I can see both points of view. As Dafspunk said, perhaps he could try to see it as a way that she was safe, rather than travelling home on her own. Are your DS's friends generally nice kids, or is this girl not particularly friendly? I think I'd find it irritating if a surly, ungrateful teenager was sleeping on my sofa. Less so if she was charming and apologetic.

Scarydinosaurs Sat 30-Jan-16 11:49:18

Better than finding all of them in his bed?

I wouldn't be cross.

SlinkyVagabond Sat 30-Jan-16 11:52:36

Meh-with three sons this was a regular occurrence. Still happens now, rather they were safe and warm rather than walking the streets. But I do know all their mates.

Mrsrochesterscat Sat 30-Jan-16 11:54:53

Surely this is normal? I think it is only a concern if you don't trust DS' friendship choices. Otherwise, I would be very glad that he has taken care of his friends so they didn't have to get home on their own late at night. It is DS' home too. He must have been so embarrassed by the shouting sad

Floggingmolly Sat 30-Jan-16 11:55:55

No, I wouldn't mind the sleeping on the sofa too much. Hanging around for a further 3 hours is a bit hmm, though...

caravanista Sat 30-Jan-16 11:55:55

Would your DH ask your DS's permission to bring someone home? It's your DS's home too, of course he can invite people back. Sounds like he did a good kind thing.

SiwanGwynt Sat 30-Jan-16 11:57:12

I think he regrets shouting, he says he did not realise that it was a girl and did not want to scare her.

DS's friends are generally nice kids, and she seems to be.

DS did intend to stay the night at the party, I think that it turned out not to be possible, so he came back with his GF and her friend.

As this is the second time it has happened, I do wonder why she has not arranged how to get home with her parents. She is 17 I think.

scarydinosaurs indeed, DH would have gone apoplectic!

bakeoffcake Sat 30-Jan-16 11:59:57

I wouldn't be cross at all and it's happened many times with my DDs.

DSS obviously didn't want to stay at the party, for whatever reason. I'd much rather they came home in a group than set off on their own at 4 in the morning. Also maybe the girls lived miles away and didn't have anywhere to go for a few hours?

I think your H is a misery guts.

BabyGanoush Sat 30-Jan-16 12:01:04

I can't think what makes people cross about this scenario?

Nice that he looked after her and she was not stuck somewhere with no way to go home.

What is the inconvenience?

I am not being obtuse, but don't get why anyone would get angry? You want your DC to look after their friends, no?

SirChenjin Sat 30-Jan-16 12:02:58

As this is the second time it has happened, I do wonder why she has not arranged how to get home with her parents

Because the easy option is a bed at a mates house! 3 hours to get going is a bit of a 2 fingered salute to you both though.

IHaveBrilloHair Sat 30-Jan-16 12:03:12

I wouldn't mind

LizzieMacQueen Sat 30-Jan-16 12:03:18

I wouldn't be cross but I would have expected a text explaining what was going on - even if I did not read the text until the following morning.

Hopefully the two girls had told their parents they wouldn't be home.

TheFairyCaravan Sat 30-Jan-16 12:04:51

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. I'd much rather have a teen (as long as they're not puking or off their head on drugs) on my sofa than them having to find their way home alone.

Your DH is being unreasonable imo.

SirChenjin Sat 30-Jan-16 12:06:25

Baby - I'd be a bit pissed off if it wasn't just a one off. We have 2 teeangers and younger child (8 years old) in the house and we all want to be able to use our living room in the morning. I want to be able to wander about the house in whatever state of undress I'm in without having to worry about who might be asleep on my sofa.

It's not a problem to have friends sleeping over at all - but we all have a right to know who's in the house without wondering who we're waking up to.

ewbank Sat 30-Jan-16 12:06:43

Can't see the problem - did her parents know where she was?

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Sat 30-Jan-16 12:07:06

I don't think I would mind.
I remember bringing mates bAck most weekends after a night out and all sitting with my parents eating scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast and trying to convince my dad to give us a lift to town or whatever.

I'd like to think my kids would feel able to have their mates round to

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 30-Jan-16 12:07:45

The sleeping on the sofa wouldn't worry me, but the 3 hours to get her arse in to gear and out the house would have me raging!

AlpacaLypse Sat 30-Jan-16 12:10:38

I have teenage girls, and frequently find quantities of teenagers of both sexes on various sofas in the mornings at weekends. I do have two reception rooms so it's not too much of a problem, and like several pps I have always said to dds we'd rather their friends were safe for the night. Rural area, a lot of them live in the villages, and for many of the villages the last bus is the one that goes straight after school finishes. And cycling on unlit lanes at this time of year is pretty nasty.

Readysteadyknit Sat 30-Jan-16 12:14:59

I agree with fairycaravan

Surely your Ds is allowed to invite friends back to his own home. My DC know that their friends are always welcome provided they are polite. I would not want my DC left with no way of getting home so wouldn't do it to someone else's.

Your DP is being unreasonable

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley Sat 30-Jan-16 12:16:23

Blimey your DH has massively over reacted and sounds like a right old grouch. I might get tired of it if it kept on happening without prior warning and it was always different kids I didn't know, but I think occasionally it's absolutely fine, so long as they don't get under your feet all day the next day.

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Jan-16 12:18:47

This is normal! However, mine would have them sleep in their room rather than in the living room. They're teenagers - that's what they do.

namechange7711 Sat 30-Jan-16 12:19:08

Surely this is what teenagers do??

I've had various friends of DS stay the night (some of which I knew beforehand, some of which I didn't) when their plans went awry. Admittedly, DS has always phoned me to let me know what was going on - but if your DS' plans went wrong very late, what did you want him to do? Phone you at 4am to check it was OK? Personally, I'd have been more cross about being woken up in the middle of the night, than finding a teenager the following morning! My only concern would have been whether the unexpected guests had told their parents where they were.

Sounds like you all need to agree some house rules for the future.

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