Long story short: Ds2 (14 v soon) has been having a rubbish year at school (independent, for information). In constant trouble for shouting out in class, constant rebellion, occasional violence. His grades have collapsed. He's had Friday detentions, escalating to a Saturday detention, now after another incident we are being called in to see the headmaster. I think this is last chance saloon before he is asked to leave. They won't want him entering his GCSE years like this. They have been very clear about the behaviour they expect and he is either unwilling or unable to comply.
DS1 and DD1 are at the same school - no problems with them. The problem isn't what school are doing. DS2 has real mental health problems. I suspect depression and anxiety. He's had suicidal thoughts. He is on the waiting list for CAMHS but that is months off. They are so hard pressed that he won't meet any of their criteria anyway. He sees a counsellor but I don't know what he is supposed to get out of it. At home, his behaviour is worse than school, if anything. His moods dominate the whole family.
I really do not, do not know what to do.
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I think school is going to ask DS to leave
sighbynight · 29/01/2016 11:40
Thanks for your responses.
His behaviour has always been quite extreme, particularly when faced with boundaries. And he is very attention seeking.
We rarely manage to talk with emotions taking over, but when we do it is clear that he doesn't know what is upsetting him. He can't sift it out. That's what I was hoping the counselling sessions would do.
Re the depression and anxiety, I would love to get a proper diagnosis for him but that requires a child psychiatrist, rather than a physiotherapist (so I'm told) and you don't get those privately. Certainly not in the north where we are.
As far as school goes, he denies there is a problem. He doesn't think they will ask him to leave. It hasn't even crossed his mind as a consequence, even though we've discussed it. He really won't take responsibility. Says it is all other people, but that teachers blame him (multiple teachers in a variety of subjects? really?). Then he has a tantrum because we don't believe him.
And yes, he has seen 2 GPs. The first told him to pull his socks up and behave 
, the second referred to camhs.
The school, I'm guessing, will not let him start GCSEs with them with current behaviour. And I honestly don't know what to do to change his behaviour. Until he takes some ownership, I think we are at an impasse.
Brittle & challenging, & occasionally manic, certainly describes some of DS2's behaviour, though he can also be kind and thoughtful. ( I think He might also have ADD/ADHD)
I've just looked at travelled's clinical-partners link & there is one quite near us too. Getting him assessed & diagnosed (or not) would be a great start. I will ring on Monday. (Thanks for starting this thread, sigh. I hope it will be helpful for both of us 
)
He used to be told very clearly by school what not to do, & he would stop doing that, but then do something else that was equally undesirable & be highly indignant when pulled up for it because he hadn't been told not to do it. He didn't articulate that at the time though so again, it just looked deliberately destructive.
He was treated for depression while at university but although he took the medication some of the time I don't think he was convinced he needed it. And he went to one counselling session, missed another & didn't bother after that. Hes not good at listening either. He's very hard to help
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Sigh, I recently came across the quote "a parent is only ever as happy as their unhappiest child" which is very true, & extremely difficult when you have several, and more so when they're all quite young 
I'm relatively lucky in this regard because my other 3 are aged 27 & up, so they do have actual lives now independent of us, but even so, his issues impact on them. Much harder for you. I really hope you can resolve your boy's problems & make life better for the whole family 
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