Should I let DD18 go?

(17 Posts)
CaptainStrange78 Thu 21-Jan-16 18:41:25

My dds been to quite a few parties since her friends started having them a couple of years ago, I haven't seen any reason for her not go. I've trusted her and let her stay over as living in the countryside it can be an hour long drive to pick her up in the middle of the night.

On new years eve she went to a friends 18th with about 10 people and another friends parent picked her up. I saw this parent yesterday and she told me that my dd was drunk enough to throw up and was sick out of their car window. She's always led me to believe that she was sensible and taking care of other friends and it was all a drinking game gone wrong (she was ganged up on).

Today she came home and told me there was another 18th in march which she wanted to go to and now I don't know if I can trust her to be sensible. Should I let her go? I know she's 18 but she needs lifts and can't get herself there so I can stop her going if I don't want her to.

Buttercup27 Thu 21-Jan-16 18:43:00

She's an adult. You can't stop her. She could easily get a taxi if you refused a lift.

Eastpoint Thu 21-Jan-16 18:44:06

I have a daughter the same school year & I would let her go. In letting her go you are showing that you trust her to do better this time - she is young & we all make mistakes. Better this year when she has a group of good friends than at Freshers Week in September/October when she is with strangers & not coming home.

Doublebubblebubble Thu 21-Jan-16 18:44:23

As above. Nothing you can do. Better she do things with her than against her... X

Doublebubblebubble Thu 21-Jan-16 18:45:08

Better you do things with her I mean x

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 21-Jan-16 18:46:31

Can you stop her? What she's done so far doesn't sound out of the realms of normal for lots of 18 year olds.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 21-Jan-16 18:47:04

She's an adult there's not alot you can do.

I would try and broach the subject re drinking, by maybe showing her that example that's been. doing the rounds on fave book about how little alcohol ot cab actually take to nearly kill you. and advise her to be sensible re not leaving drinks unattended etc.

but ultimately she can get herself there and back and i think.ot would be better she went on "good" terms. as if something does happen.you want her to feel she can call you.

I do sympathise though

bloodyteenagers Thu 21-Jan-16 18:48:19

As an adult I don't see how you can stop her. It's not should you let her go. The question should be should you give her a lift

PennyHasNoSurname Thu 21-Jan-16 18:50:59

She is 18. Legally allowed to drink. Legally allowed to move out, marry and have babies.

You honestly cannot stop her.

However as she is still living at home, id lay out some basics - she doesnt wake anyone when she comes home, deals with any and all of her own vomit should she dare throw up in the house, and no drugs. Not while she is living under my roof oh no.

Quietlygoingmad67 Thu 21-Jan-16 18:52:36

I have a DD same age (soon to be 19) she has srated over at parties and please excuse me if this is too much information been SO drunk ended up coming out of both ends!! Picked her up feeling very sorry for herself but she has learned her lesson. She is now at Uni and doesn't drink - decided she doesn't really like it and def doesn't like being drunk.

How many of us on here have done the exact same thing - im sure none of us are raging alcoholics!! In fact im teetotal now but remember a few (okay lots) of drunken staggers home!!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 21-Jan-16 18:55:14

18 or not. She's still your baby, and youre bound to worry about her safety, but the sad fact is. She is an adult. She can do what the hell she likes, well within reason.

VimFuego101 Thu 21-Jan-16 19:04:36

She's 18. You can't stop her. I would focus on teaching her about 'sensible drinking' (no mixing drinks, lining your stomach, alternate with soft drinks, take a paracetamol and a pint of water before bed,. making sure your drink doesn't get spiked, getting home safely).

CaptainStrange78 Thu 21-Jan-16 19:07:46

I suppose stopping her going is just wishful thinking, but talking to her about it seems like a good idea. Thank you all.

HormonalHeap Fri 22-Jan-16 07:20:05

Throwing up at/after a party is a rite of passage. I doubt she'll do it again. My dd same age as yours got that particular 'milestone' under her belt at 16. Only happened once (as far as I know). You absolutely have no choice but to let her (hard as it is) experience consequences, or she won't be able to make judgements for herself.

StillMedusa Sun 24-Jan-16 00:53:14

Mine (now aged 18-24) all did this..all four. It happens, it's not the end of the world and they are now almost all non drinkers! DD1 in now a doctor and medic students have a habit of getting horrendously pissed... DD1 was no exception, and it took her a few years to realise that it really didn't do her any favours.. yet she survived and is now a respectable non drinking junior doctor who has no time for anything more than Horlicks grin

DS2.. the baby.. is autistic and learning disabled but his older brother wanted to take him out for his 18th with his mates... got him very drunk indeed... he survived, hasn't wanted to try a drink since but in an odd way is proud he had one normal teen experience ( as he is never going to drive, marry etc)

They ALL got horribly horribly drunk on at least one occasion... I had DD2 in the recovery postion aged 18 while I sat with her all night. DS1 did the same before he realised he can't hold his alcohol...none of them get drunk now ever!

You don't have to condone it... I don't (and if they were sick they jolly well cleared up!) but she needs to take responsibility for it... can she stay there the night?

MrsJayy Thu 28-Jan-16 10:16:21

You just say have fun dont puke out of any car windows though and make a twat of yourself and leave it at that .

DownstairsMixUp Thu 28-Jan-16 10:31:55

No you can't stop her but I wouldn't be taking her. She can get a taxi.

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