15 year old dd with anxiety also rebelling. Which is which?

(4 Posts)
fessmess Wed 06-Jan-16 13:10:56

At end of rope. DD is very, very verbally abusive towards me. Think wishing cancer on me, calling me fucking c**t for eg. This is whenever she hears something she doesn't like. But refusing school, due to anxiety, and is currently getting support from school and has been referred on to other agencies. Punishments for abuse result in escalation to the point my dp was about to call police last night. Any thoughts?

PhilPhilConnors Wed 06-Jan-16 13:18:01

Anxiety can look like vicious/aggressive outbursts too, so I would imagine it's the same thing.
When you say this whenever she hears something she doesn't like, what sort of thing do you mean?
What do you and dp do when this is happening?

fessmess Wed 06-Jan-16 13:19:43

If we say no to something mainly, or issue consequence for coming back late. When she screams I tell her it's not acceptable and walk away but she's been known to follow me.

PhilPhilConnors Wed 06-Jan-16 13:29:45

There's a book called the explosive child, it may be aimed a little younger than your dd, but the idea behind it may work.

We have similar problems with my ds, but he's younger. He has PDA. One of the main things that helps is putting him more in control of himself.
Obviously we don't have problems with him going out and coming home late, but I wonder if it would be worth trying to negotiate around things, but without an agenda and trying to make it in your terms.
Anxiety can be awful to deal with!

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