hi all, just a few thoughts and you may or may not agree with views but we haven't been asked this before....my 18 yr old YD (18 beg of August) lives at home as dropped back a year cos re did course. Is a very boundary pushing daughter and has been for the past few years...v tiring at times! She finished with local boyfriend recently and has become enamoured of a lad she met on 18-30s holiday at end of summer. Been in contact a lot on phone and via internet etc Went to stay with some of the people she met on said holdiay....including him (we didn't know about him at the time) at half term and said she stayed in grilfriend's house. She is going to an uni open day his way next week then going on to stay at his for a day or two, coming home on Saturday to work. She did ask but she is 18 and not much I could say whether liked it or not.
Tonight she broke the news that he is coming to see her and stay on that Saturday. She is expecting/hoping he will stay at ours. She also told me he wouldn't be sleeping in any of our two spare rooms (elder sisters have left home) but in her room in her bed. DH v unhappy about this..and to be honest I am not that happy. We may be old fashioned, DH particularly so,but in lots of ways he (and I) support her to the nth degree in all sorts of ways, ....and are happy to do so... but she has only seen this lad once since her holiday and now wants him to come and stay and sleep with her in our home and DH is most uncomfortable with it..and I think I am too. We are not used to boyfriends sleeping over (as in same bed) as the other two simply didn't ask as they knew their dad was uncomfortable with it. Although ED's boyfriend sleeps in same room as her (YD pointed this out) when they come to see us...ED has been going out with him for 6 years and has lived with him for 3 years! (She started seeing him at uni.) YD says that it's not the same, and we should let this lad sleep with her cos she won't have sex with him and doesn't see him otherwise, it's just about being close.
This is typical of her, and DH feels she just has no respect (she doesn't) and to be honest our life with her is a rollercoaster as she is v quick to anger if she doesn't get her own way and sees life in very black and white terms...and if we don't agree with her we are WRONG
Are we being unreasonable? She doesn't have a bad life, we do stuff for her, she is insured on our older car, which we were going to offer her at a nominal price in the next month or so, she has a large room, does no household chores to speak of and pleases herself pretty well..coming in and spending the majority of her time upstairs online / on her phone. I buy essential clothes and stuff, she buys extras (she has a job) and I pay for her sports activities. But she makes me feel so guilty when I don't cave in. Her last words tonight as I dropped her at her friends for pre drinking (bearing in mind I hadn't drunk so I could take her) were a challenging.., "Would it be the same if I was a lesbian and it was a girl I wanted to sleep in the same bed with?!"
I feel v mixed up and upset...and that I am not handling things well.
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Teenagers
18 yr old wants new boyfriend to sleep in her room
febel · 28/11/2015 21:50
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