Please help

[Sadmother]

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, wondering where my funny, lively boy went. After yet another argument consisting of smashing glasses and walls and name calling, my 16 year old son has stormed off again.

I don't know what to do with him, he won't go to school, he takes loads of drugs and he is just so angry with the world. This argument started because I refused to make him a sandwich until he brought down his laundry (I know, I know...)

I am ashamed to say it but I do retaliate because i get so worn with him breaking my things and smashing the house up. I say things I don't mean because I am fed up with being called a fucking cunt all the time.

We are waiting to hear back from a rehab centre which will offer therapy and family counselling etc, but I just don't know where to turn or what to do.

[Heyho111]

This is so tough. I may be going against the flow here but I would stop asking anything of him for now. It sounds like any demand or sanction is just fuel to the fire.
I don't mean be a door mat. Write down that seeing him hurt himself with drugs, getting angry and jus seeing him feel such hatred tears you apart. Tell him you love him and will always be there. Give him the letter. Walk away and don't ask for a reply. He can think about it. No emotion. It does help.
Ask him to do stuff but don't expect it to be done. Then you do it. One day when this is over he will do what you ask.
Stand still and quiet when he rages. Silence is far more powerful than response. When he's finished you clean up the mess and quietly carry on. Do not respond. Inside you are screaming. He needs help. He is ruled by the drugs. It's not your son doing this. Huge hug.

[Ragwort]

Huge sympathies, I find my teenage DS challenging but your comments make me realise how lucky I am.

I think Heyho's advice is good, it will obviously be very tough but try to detach emotionally from him ................. do you have a partner, friends for support to get you away from the situation?

[Gracell4545]

I'd be more tough love and get the police to come and have a word with him!

[pasanda]

I agree with Heyho.

Sometimes I think it is best to just take a step back and accept that this is not who you want him to be right now. You want him to do his laundry, washing up, whatever, but to get him to do that involves such a fight and name calling that …. is it really worth it? We all want our dc to fit the mould and be good and hang their wet towels up but for the sake of harmony in the household, sometimes these things just have to go. For now. Not forever. He won't always be like this.

Silence to the screaming is effective too. If not a letter, send him a text. State your position then leave him to have a think about it. He can refer back to the text time and time again if he wants to.

Read the book "Get out of My Life' if you haven't already - it has totally changed the way I see teenagers and their actions.

Good luck