Hello,
Long winded. If any parents have experience of teens on the cusp of 18 would really appreciate advice.
Background on DD 17, nearly 18: She asked to go out last night and stay with a friend on a college night. She had a reasoned suggestion (only drop off coursework day at college today and then study in library). She had been out the night before to the pub and come back at 12.30 instead of 11.30 (due to designated driver going via late night Maccy D's). She is spending more time out socialising, though the rule is no overnights during the week. She appears to be managing her work load and I have heard no warnings from college. She is a mix of mature but also can be a toddler (if you know what I mean). She is bright but is not that interested in education and doesn't really try to the best of her ability. She managed 10 reasonable GCSEs with a few As and Bs, and is aiming for BCC grade A levels to go to Uni for a course after year out (not holding my breath for her actually going to Uni as I think she isn't really suited to academic life).
Anyway, I am finding it hard to get the balance between letting her go/learn to fail/plan her own work/choose how she socialises etc with keeping an eye out and 'parenting'. For example, I cook a meal for the three of us (her twin bro) and she may text to say she is not hungry and is going to see friend and back 8pm so don't cook. I ask her to come back as I have had no notice and food will waste (also some deluded idea that we should have family meals...). She gets fed up and says she should be able to choose to eat alone etc....Or today, for example, after staying out the night at friend's, I phone at 10am to check she is actually in college. I hear myself asking about whether she has done XYZ coursework, then repeating question about what her plans are. I worry because her room is a tip and I see college files all over the floor with notes disorganised. In effect, I keep kind of nagging. She tells me to let her handle it and she is in the library trying to work. She is kind of work-shy, but has always managed to do last minute cramming. Her mocks were pretty dire though. I feel like the nagging is just driving a wedge between us and it is time to let her get on with her life, but at the same time I feel I can't just let her drift off into her preferences for what appears to be prioritising socialising and Facebook...She is also still borrowing "Just a fiver" and has not got a job, which is also a topic of nagging. And I miss our evenings watching DVDs together. We have had a couple of evenings watching old Dibleys recently and it was lovely.
This is soooo long. If anyone has read this far then you deserve a medal. Thanks for letting me off-load. And if you have any advice or experience of late teenage kids, all is welcome. And don't get me started on my silent, grunty, secretive DS (also 17/18 cusp)....
xx Bee
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Teenagers
Over-involved or just trouble letting go - 17/18 year olds
34 replies
beelights · 06/11/2015 10:37
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