Preteen son, puberty and relationship with dad

(2 Posts)
Gemma77 Mon 12-Oct-15 20:47:08

My son is 12 and well into puberty. Voice is only squeezing rarely now and has dropped, lots of spots, body hair has sprouted and he is starting to get hair above his top lip.

On the whole he is coping really well with the physical changes of puberty but emotionally is another matter. He is totally hot and cold and can be terribly irritable. However, the thing we seem to be struggling with is his attitude towards his dad.

He has a great dad - I wish he could see how lucky he is. He is the apple of his fathers eye and they do loads together. Dad takes him to football twice a week and helps train his team, dad takes him clay pigeon shooting every other weekend, dad does fun things like the colour run mini marathons etc. Dad takes a real interest in homework and works had to be a good example.

I sometimes think I'm just in my son's life to clear up after him, do his laundry, nag him about his bedroom, cook his dinner and buy him deodorant and hair gel, where as my husband does all the fun stuff. Yet it is my husband who seems to be getting the harder end of the deal. Our son pretty much just grunts at him and lately has been quite aggressive. At the weekend he told his dad to 'f* off out my life' and then spent 10 minutes banging around in his bedroom. This led to him not being taken to football.

I guess part of this is puberty - and my son trying to be independent of his dad. Maybe there is something about then being two males and my son not wanting to be down the pecking order in the pack. But my husband is finding it hard now and is questioning why he should bother with football, clay shooting, etc. The weekend really got to him - he was so upset. I'm really worried about their relationship.

Are other experiencing the same? Is this normal? Will it end soon? Will they be close again?

Thank you from a worried mum trying to be peacemaker in a house full of boys!!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Wed 14-Oct-15 09:35:18

Oh dear.

First off, this is standard. It's no reflection on either of them, it's just how boys are. Comes as a bit of shock to fathers, and I can assure you it's quite a shock to DS. Which makes him worried, and that makes him worse.

Calm authoritative bearing, that's the thing. Practice raising an eyebrow. Stop the running around, and exchange food and wifi for chores. Don't use the conditional tense; speak as if your will is the settled order of the universe.

Good luck.

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