DD and new boyfriend advice please

[blimppy]

It looks very much as if DD, aged just 16, is acquiring a new boyfriend. He's not someone we know so we have nothing to go on. The problem I have is that DD's first boyfriend turned out to be quite nasty and I am anxious about how we do a better job of protecting her this time, without being too heavy handed about it. Grateful for any views on "house rules" that are appropriate at this age! I'm thinking, he's only allowed here if either I or DH is in, although of course I can have no assurance about the level of parental supervision if she goes to his house. I'm not sure whether to insist that they stay downstairs, or allow them to her room if she leaves the door open? I know she is 16 and I have to respect that she is growing up, but it is also clear that she lacks self esteem and does not necessarily have the strength to resist pressure to engage in stuff that she does not really want to do.

[blimppy]

Usual - thanks for the response. It's a fair point and we do, and have, had conversations about this, and I have spoken with her many times about peer pressure. It just seems that when push comes to shove, she does not always feel able to push back. She is getting counselling to deal with issues around anxiety and self esteem, but in the meantime I am seeking to put in place some rules or boundaries to help her protect herself.

[Yimpy]

Is it too much or too forward to encourage her to bring him round for dinner one night? Set it up, have a gathering around the tabel etc. Make it nice and casual and assure her it will be the same, let her spend some time alone with him after dinner without pressuring him to sit with the family for the whole evening. That way you get to meet him and judge for yourself, at the same time he gets to measure her and her family up a little bit.

[chinup2011]

completetly agree with Yimpy encourage him round as much as possible and to join in with the rest of the family so that you get to know him and him you.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

I found that leaving a meat cleaver in view helped, although these days DD can crush them herself.

There was one little twat who left abusive messages on the landline, but I played then to his mother. Sorted.

[BackforGood]

I agree with both Usual and Yimpy.
Embrace him (well, not literally ). Get to know him. Welcome him to meals and sharing the same space as him.
Equally, the best thing for your dd is for her radar to be strong and her confidence to challenge any behviour she doesn't like, to be strong.

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

I'm no expert, but have you asked her what rules she thinks would be fair/supportive without making her feel stifled? Not that you have to then 100% give her the choice, but perhaps she could have some input.