daughters unhappiness

[Boo2323]

My daughter is back in school almost full-time after 2-3 years of poor attendance, anxiety, support from health professionals, and school staff and the local councils early intervention team. We seem to be on the mend as a family too. Today she was off school with a sore throat and other things but we ended up chatting about how she is doing in general. She talked about stopping her self doing things that she enjoys because she feels others would not approve and that makes her feel uncomfortable even though they would never know about her guilty pleasures, things that she stops herself doing because she perceives others disapproval. She said she feel unhappy most of the time because she misses out on online activities that she is anticipating. She rarely goes out socially and prefers the company of boys, loves Xbox stuff and has some online friends who use specific sites that we are happy to allow her to access. She is finding school stressful especially PE with the girls, and she always feels that she does not have time to do the things she really wants. Very mixed up and odd feelings about this that she can't always explain very well. Bless her. I don't know how to help her through this or what to say. Any advice would be helpful. Run out of steam!!!!!

[overthemill]

This sounds very hard for you all. Does she have anyone professional to talk to about this stuff? Sounds like it may be useful. Often informal ways rather than having to go via CMAH are possible. School may have access or GP too sometimes has list of names

[Boo2323]

Thanks overthemill, she has a new tutor at school that she has not really connected with yet as she has moved Key Stages, her previous support/inclusion tutor knew her very well and they struck up a good relationship but I know she will not talk to the new one in the same way. I do agree she needs someone informal, non-judgemental and (probably not her mum) to unload this stuff on every now and again. We do talk but I don't have all the answers, just doing my best. Worried that things might slip back if she cannot raise her spirits and show the feisty spirit that I know is in there and allow herself to do the things she enjoys rather than the things she feels are acceptable.

[stablemabel]

Hi Boo, this is tough for you all, I wish I could help. I have a daughter (13 yrs) who can get quite anxious and say some odd things along the lines of what your daughter says, it's really hard talking her through things at times.

Was your daughter diagnosed with anything in particular then, anxiety was it or anything else (also how old is she?) It certainly doesn't sound wise to stop the things she enjoys doing... have you had enough professional help as sometimes as parents I don't think we know all the right things to say.
She needs to know that doing things she enjoys is very very important for her health and well being. What about finding her examples of people, particularly women perhaps who have not followed the accepted 'norm' but done the things they wanted to do (Florence Nightingale possibly?)

I feel like I am waffling but I just want you to know you are not alone, just posted to a mum who is worried about her 16yr old son and said same thng, I'm getting a bit repetitive this evening! Hope you get some more support.

[Boo2323]

Update on previous posts. Daughter now 14 in the process of being assessed and diagnosed as having Asperger's: I know not supposed to call it that now but on the Autistic Spectrum. Getting more support at school and just starting some counselling with a local charity Action for Asperger's. She is still having days when GCSE courses are just too much, double lessons cause her some problems, gets very down around periods and getting up every morning is a really difficult thing every morning! Her refusals to go to school are happening more frequently and this raises the level of stress felt by the whole family. Husband and I can handle it usually as we still have to go out to work but our 17 year old son, does not deal with it very well. He says he knows what is going on and understands what it means to have Asperger's but he still gets cross, shouts, and throws his weight around swearing about how selfish, stupid, retarded his sister is being by refusing to go to school and then can get a little physical and threatening which I know is totally unacceptable and will create even more of a sensory overload for his sister. But at the time he cannot keep his emotions in check or his verbal abuse and aggressive manner. I wondered if anyone has any advice to help me help him deal with these emotions in a less destructive way, as every morning is stressful enough as it is without him going off on one too. I do appreciate it is tough for him too but talking to him about it does not sink in or change his reaction to his sisters behaviour.