Reported to police for abuse by my 17 year old daughter

(144 Posts)
marieisme123 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:09:39

Hi. I won't go into huge detail to start with, will add more if necessary. During an arguement with my 17 year old daughter she recorded me on her tablet. Her boyfriend, who she was talking to on the tablet during the arguement, phoned the police and said I was abusing her. Resulted in a visit from 2 police officers, a paramedic and a social worker. Doesn't look like the police will be taking it any further. Any thoughts / advice?

ImperialBlether Mon 31-Aug-15 19:12:20

Did she deliberately stay calm during the argument? What was it about?

TRexingInAsda Mon 31-Aug-15 19:12:24

When is she 18?
Can she move out ASAP?

Surely if they recorded you, hopefully the recording would prove you weren't abusing her?

Justbatteringon Mon 31-Aug-15 19:15:38

Well you must of been pretty horrible for the boyfriend to call the police?

AnyFucker Mon 31-Aug-15 19:19:17

What were you saying on the recording ?

CrabbyTheCrabster Mon 31-Aug-15 19:19:19

What do you expect people to say if you don't give any details about what you actually said/did? confused

Scobberlotcher Mon 31-Aug-15 19:20:37

The recording will clearly show whether you were or were not abusive so if the police heard it and decided there was no need for action they cannot have thought it abusive.

However, your daughter would not have recorded a row she did not feel was abusive so clearly perception is key here.

I think you both need some cooling off time then a calm discussion.

TRexingInAsda Mon 31-Aug-15 19:26:15

I won't go into huge detail to start with, will add more if necessary
Translation: I intend to drip-feed.

Please don't! Could you just spit it all out now, so we get the full picture and can actually give any relevant advice/comments?

marieisme123 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:26:23

I admit it was a very heated arguement over many problems I have had with her over a long time. I don't know what i said on the recording because I didn't know she was recording me at the time and only knew when the police told me. Yes, I may have been 'pretty horrible' but does it amount to abuse. I think it was planned and instigated between her and her boyfriend to get me into trouble.

throwingpebbles Mon 31-Aug-15 19:31:03

Well for them to have planned it you must have had some pretty "heated" moments previously as well

Scobberlotcher Mon 31-Aug-15 19:31:20

You can't get into trouble for something you didn't do, only for something you did do.
If you weren't abusive that will be the end of it.
Tbh A single heated argument is a single heated argument. Unless it recorded you beating her or threatening her I'm not sure anything would be done about a recorded row.

ImperialBlether Mon 31-Aug-15 19:31:25

Well, that was a horrible thing for them to do if they did it deliberately.

When you were talking/arguing did you say things about her character? Did you say she deserved bad things to happen to her? Did you say she took after someone you dislike? Did you say she has no friends? Or were you saying "The bathroom's a mess now you've dyed your hair" or "You haven't vacuumed for six months"? The latter are factual, the former are opinions which are designed to hurt her.

marieisme123 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:32:17

I need to also add: During the arguement she said I was psychotic and needed to be sectioned. The boyfriend also reported that I was threatening to kill myself. Hence the paramedic and social worker. My daughter said I had been in a psychiatric hospital and she had to call out a doctor to mediate me. All untrue.

marieisme123 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:35:55

Sorry meant medicate me.
My daughter has since made a complaint to the police that they 'didn't do their job properly'. Meaning - I was arrested for abuse or carted off to the mental hospital I suppose?

Florriesma Mon 31-Aug-15 19:36:32

Hmm, I have heard of a mother being dragged to aed for mental health assessment. She wasn't psychotic but at the end of her tether because of ds drug dealing. Some of them do seem to have the idea that they should not be challenged and anyone who does has a problem. If this is the case then I agree with dd going self sufficient when it's feasible. Alternatively you could use the incident as trigger to get in whatever help is available?

Scobberlotcher Mon 31-Aug-15 19:37:01

Well, the recording will show you did not threaten suicide, right?
And the facts don't match their claims re hospital?
Doesn't sound like you have much to worry about legal/ police wise.

However, clearly your relationship with your daughter is at breaking point.
What problems have you been having with her for a long time that culminated in this argument?

Florriesma Mon 31-Aug-15 19:37:35

And if she's complained to the police as you say she has just made herself look like a crank!

ImperialBlether Mon 31-Aug-15 19:38:08

Is her boyfriend usually bad for her? It seems as though he's encouraging her. How long have they been together?

fastdaytears Mon 31-Aug-15 19:38:25

Were there any threats?

Scobberlotcher Mon 31-Aug-15 19:38:57

It seems like you are saying her aim is to get you out of the house?
Does she think she can get you out, held somewhere and leave the way clear for the boyfriend to move in?

marieisme123 Mon 31-Aug-15 19:39:47

She is now staying with her boyfriend and has told her dad that she won't come home until I receive psychiatic treatment.

fastdaytears Mon 31-Aug-15 19:41:00

Is it a good idea for her to come home anyway?

AnyFucker Mon 31-Aug-15 19:41:48

So let her stay there. It is clear that, for now at least, your relationship with her has completely broken down

Do you have other children ?

SixtyFootDoll Mon 31-Aug-15 19:42:45

If there was no physical violence this will be closed as a domestic incident. No criminal offences.
It will probably be referred to social services as your daughter is under 18, but I can't see them doing much, maybe a phone call or a visit.

Your daughter sounds pretty horrible.

Nonnainglese Mon 31-Aug-15 19:43:11

Nice daughter you've got hmm
If my dd set up something like that I'd have gone ballistic, then told her to leave hmm

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