I have a 14 year old daughter. I as so sad that we just don't have the relationship I hoped for. I would love to be able to guide her, help her through the growing up stuff - friendships, boys, make-up, looking after herself - all of that teenage stuff.
Instead she seems to think sometimes that I can interpret what she wants from some hint she drops. An example - a few days ago at a friends house her friend plucked my daughter's eyebrows (first time). I feel sad and cross about it because if I had known she wanted this done I would have brought her to have them done properly, professionally - especially since it was the first time. She just needed to say so. Instead they are over plucked, a bit lopsided and well, a bit dreadful. Last week she told me some friends have had their eyebrows done in salons, but she didn't ask if she could do so. I was supposed to know that that was what she was hinting at. Her eyebrows were actually lovely, so I suppose it never occurred to me that she should have them done.
Maybe I have an idealised notion of it, but I wish we were able to chat about stuff, if she would ask me questions, just be a bit more open and willing to communicate more than minimally. I know this works both ways so I must be making a mess of it, though I try very hard but she just doesn't seem to want to engage with me.
Sorry this got a bit long, thanks for reading. Anybody care to share how I might improve things?
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Teenagers
Not the mother/daughter relationship I hoped for
tiredmamma · 31/08/2015 10:53
14 is a really difficult age IMO. I know everything I did or said to DD at that age was wrong - I even breathed too loudly
and in her opinion, I knew nothing about anything. I had to step back mentally and give her space as much as possible. At about 17, she came back to me (if that makes sense) and we now have a good relationship - lots of shared values and interests and have the long conversations and days out that I had always hoped for. I now need advice for teenage boys
Hang in there 
teenagers are really tricky.
Well at least you're prepared now when she starts mentioning belly button piercings and whatnot 
I'm super close to my DD. We talk a lot ( keep in mind that this involves listening to a lot of shite) and do lots of things together ( keep in mind these are not always things I want to do).
However, she also wants to have a close relationship with friends which means she does some things with them, including stuff that makes me cringe. That's how it should be though as she is 16 not 46!
tired we like watching movies and box sets together. Then spend hours deconstructing them.
Ditto we often read the same books and chat about them.
We also like going to the theatre/ art galleries. We also walk the dogs as often as possible. She bloody loves restaurants so I can always spend time with her by suggesting a meal out
.
But I suppose one thing that helps is that she has always needed a lot of lifts to things so we have spent hours chatting in the car. As I say, often me listening to utter shite about her mates, random YouTube vloggers, insert boring crap here .
I got it DaMoves
DD loves the Marvel movies - not my cuppa tea but I think i'd better suck it up. She is an avid reader also, i will be diversifying my reading interests ...
Thank you, I appreciate your input very much.
What BigButtons and RiverCam have said.
I think you have an idealised notion of all this too.
Part of being a teen is about going off and being advised by your mates. Part of it is making fashion mistakes etc. I'd be far more 
about a 14 yr old who lets her Mum advise her on everything. This is the time for them to learn their way in terms of who to listen to, when to stick with own judgement, when to experiment, etc.
I have two teen dds. Mostly they're quite open, sometimes they're moody and a bit of a closed shop . Don't bite back when they get like that, overlook it if you can. I just try to keep communication open so they know I'm always here to discuss and help with anything.
Dd1 wanted to colour her hair. She was all for bunging on anything from a box, but I knew we would be heading for disaster and convinced her to let me take her to a salon. I think she was surprised I didn't mind her colouring her hair, but my concern was that it would go horribly wrong and she'd be upset.
One thing I have noticed is that they tend to open up more away from home. A trip to the shops, lunch and me buying a few bits and pieces and they chat away about all sorts. It's so much more casual than me sat on their beds asking what's wrong for the umpteenth time.
I soon have to go off-line for a while but in the mean time I have plenty food for thought.
I get it that I missed the hint about the eyebrows. Then I messed up in the aftermath. She was and is still upset herself about the result, so maybe we've both learned something. You see I thought her eyebrows were lovely, so I was a bit blinded by that 
In terms of romanticising how this all would be - guilty, a bit - but HSM phrases it better in her post when she says "if only she understood that she can talk to me about anything"...... that's close to what I was trying to convey.
Maybe, from what many of you have said, its about me accepting that she can talk to me but she doesn't have to, she won't always do so but hopefully she will about important things. There have been some nice ideas from many posters about measures I can take to make that more likely.
Thanks to you all.
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