Bust-a-blood vessel....is this acceptable/normal?!!!

(4 Posts)
febel Mon 20-Jul-15 08:06:10

My daughter is just 18. Has anxiety problems but they manifest themselves in outbursts of anger as opposed to her being v nervous and asking for help. I thought they were controlled, she has had CBT, counselling and is on medication.
HOWEVER...although her anxiety seems to be under control her temper isn't and I wonder is this is a separate issue. Please bear with me and I will tell you in detail what happened last night as an example. She came in around 9.30 in after being at a friends, after work,(finished at 4) and started ranting about how her ex (very ex, as in a year ago) boyfriend had come into the large store, where she works on sales part time, with his girlfriend and looked around. She was convinced he had come in to wind her up. Told the employee she was talking to it was him and she walked off. Long story short she came in to us steaming about it and told me she had messaged his girlfriend and asked why the h* they had come into the store etc . I sympathised with her, and agreed he must have an empty life if him and girlfriend had come to look at her but pointed out it was a large and public store and anyone could come in and she should have just ignored him and girlfriend cos they perhaps wanted to get a rise out of her and annoy her (which they did) She remained seething and wouldn't listen.

She then changed tack and asked us again if we were away this weekend, which we are, as it is a significant birthday for me and DH, totally out of character,(!) has booked an overnight stay in London, and we are seeing a show. She then erupted saying she was out Saturday night, and in reply to us saying we thought she had a lift, replied that the person giving her a lift wasn't going any more. I said we would sort it (she ignored me) then her dad said she would have to get a taxi (meaning we would pay) She exploded, screaming she didn't have any money (whe works 8 hours a week, plus commission on sales and has just had a very profitable birthday, which we threw a large party for and took her out for a meal too) Her dad then lost his rag and told her to sort herself out then as she was 18. She STORMED upstair, screaming and slamming doors, house shook, dog hid. I went up after a minute and asked her to calm down and we would sort the taxi. She just wouldn't listen and screamed and shouted, swore and stamped about and insulted me (nobody likes being called sad and middle aged...even if it's true?!!)
So, here we are this morning, she will prob ignore me all day and we are both off ;-( Yes, perhaps I should have ignored and left her when she stormed upstairs. Her outbursts are always totally out of proportion to the cause and occur at least once a week...or any time she is crossed or doesn't hear what she wants. I wouldn't say she is massively spoilt, she doesn't get an allowance really as she works although we do insure her on the car (not that she has passed yet..and I have paid for her second re test cos she failed the first and I felt sorry for her as her sisters, who have left home, passed theirs first time so only paid for one test)
Is it normal behaviour to have such massive and disturbing temper outbursts...like grown up tantrums? I haven't even got the hope of her leaving for uni cos she is a year behind (changed courses) and is refusing to consider anything other than local uni anyway...living at home. Her attitude and behaviour cause trouble between myself and dh as he can stir it, and that annoys me, and also he has had enough of her behaviour, and I tend to defend her. Should I be punishing her? (v difficult as she doesn't get allowance, and refuses to be grounded...how do you ground someone who ignores the rules and goes out anyway even if she has to climb a fence to do so...I can't lock her in, she is 18 for goodness sake!)

I read this back, and sorry I rambled on and feel I come across as such a wimp, which I am not, but I just don't know what to do anymore, and it's all such hard work emotionally etc Please help, even if just to say yours are the same...and advice would be good..........

Gymbob Mon 20-Jul-15 14:10:44

hi, she sounds like a self obsessed selfish teenager to me, throwing a massive strop because she's not getting her own way.

if you want to pay for the taxi just leave it on the side with a note.

she might be 18 but it doesn't mean she's grown up yet. maybe just back off completely and leave her to it.

she'll get over the ex incident just agree with her.

good luck, and yes one of mine is very similar. a total pain in the bum.

febel Mon 20-Jul-15 15:07:07

Thanks...makes me feel a bit better , her sisters weren't q the same, but there is a 5 year age gap and life for teenagers 5 years on is q different. Will back off...in relief!!

3catsandcounting Mon 20-Jul-15 22:43:35

Yep, you could be describing my DD18. The temper tantrums are the worse thing; it upsets the whole house.
I'm learning, slowly, to leave her alone when she's stamping and shouting and slamming around her room. Thing is, if you're a 'fixer' like me, it's very difficult to leave it alone. My DH can do it, why can't I? Because I want to make it all alright again, to have a happy, peaceful home, but all I do is try to fix it, and wind her up even more! And then, when she doesn't conform, I lose my rag and tell her exactly what I think of her! Just what she wants to hear when in the middle of a rage!!confused

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