Hi. Before I start I must say I suffer from anxiety and depression and am finding life in general very hard at the moment so this is affecting my ability to cope with most things.
Dd is very nearly 13 we have always been so close, listening to the same music, doing each others hair, messing about with make up, watching films/ TV together. I have a very open door policy towards her friends they are always welcome to come round for an hour, tea, sleep over my only condition is that their parents know where they are and I know if they have to be home at a certain time.
Just recently she has changed towards me and says some hurtful things. I am fully aware that puberty will play it's part but it only seems to be aimed at me. She always looks so miserable, uninterested in doing anything but then moans that she hasn't done anything and has had a boring day.
Her friends come here before school as we live nearest and they all leave together, I always ask if they want anything to eat/drink if they have forgotten lunch money/ book for English/ spare PE socks/ £1 for non uniform day or whatever they can just ask and I'll do what I can to help (I don't ask if they need anything other than food/drink do I'm not mithering them they just know tegu can ask) this morning one of her friends had forgotten her money for a school trip they are going on, friend was on the phone to her mum (who was at work) and I just said ' if it's ok with your mum I will give you the money and you can bring it tomorrow' friends mum said that would be great my DD said ' god mum do you have to be so embarrassing'
Last night I gave her a kiss on the top of her head before she went to bed ' eww mum you are so disgusting'
She left her PE kit in a ball on her bedroom floor so I told her to pick it up and fold it ready for PE tomorrow ' you can do it, it's not as if you have got anything better to do' (I had been food shopping, to work, cooked tea, done 3 loads of washing and ironing, looked after her brother and walled the dog)
I bought some new perfume with my birthday money, we had smelt it when we were shopping and both liked it so I said we could share it. ' i don't know why you bothered it's not as if anyone is bothered how you smell, you stink anyway'
That is just a taster of what she says. I know it is trivial and it could be so much worse it is just so out of character I don't know how to deal with it and it is really upsetting me ( not that I let her see that
Do I
- ignore put it down to hormones
- tell her how much it upsets me
- stop doing nice things with her just because and only if she deserves it
- something else?
Sorry for the extra long brain dump I just don't know what to do.