DD thinks she is fat :(

(3 Posts)
NotJustAHatRack Tue 09-Jun-15 20:03:22

Sorry if this has been done many times before...I used to be a regular on MN and have come back after a few years!

DD is 13 in a few weeks. She is average size and height - not skinny, not overweight. She started going through puberty in Y6 - way before her friends - and I think this is part of the issue.

In Y6, she starved herself for about 6mnths. School were involved, as was GP. She thought she was fat and compared herself to her (much smaller in height/less well developed) friends. She seemed to come out of it when she moved to high school - it was a high school none of her friends went too - she was happy with that.

However, it has been clear to us over the past year that she still has massive hang ups about her weight. She had a complete meltdown about doing swimming at school - to the point where we talked to her PE teacher who was brilliant and said she could wear a t-shirt over her costume and say that she was doing survival training. She is very patchy with her eating, although she eats tons of sweets.

Today, DD came home with a note from her school nurse, who, it transpires, has seen DD regularly presenting with migraines - nearly always when PE is about to start. The school nurse thinks she is getting very anxious about PE, and when I spoke to DD, she basically broke down in tears and said it was because she felt she was fat and she didn't want her friends to see her in her PE kit. She also intimated that some of her friends are alarmed at how little she eats. I am worried about her, and, after a long conversation, she has agreed to see a lady GP so we have booked an apt, although she is incredibly tearful and anxious about this.

I am worried because I took laxatives as a teenager and tried to starve myself until I felt too poorly to continue, but I have had a lot of hangups about my weight (size 8 so I know in my head it's ridiculous) and I'm worried that I have projected this onto her. Also very worried as DD is very like my younger sister was as a teen - confident on the outside, but very very fragile. My sister did not get help when she needed it and is now 35, unable to live away from our dad, with depression, OCD, anxiety and has self harmed at times. I really don't want my DD to go down the same path.

Anyone have any advice/experience as to what I can do??

EE123 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:37:53

Youve taken a good first step in terms of the GP appointment. I am wondering if you should have a conversation with the school nurse as well. If the GP is going to do a referral for intervention, the more information she has the better.

It also sounds like your daughter is open with you, and it is important that you do your best to keep the lines of communication. Even if your daughter does share some of your sister's traits, the most important thing is early intervention, which is exactly what you are doing.

ChillySundays Thu 11-Jun-15 20:40:40

The fact she is agreeing to go to the GP is a start. I haven't been through this with my DD but we have had the the I've put on weight scenarios.

As I have said to my daughter it is often the crap eaten between meals which is usually the problem. You said your DD eats a lot of sweets and they have a lot of calories.

Healthy eating and exercise are part of the answer but she has to understand it and want to do it.

Make sure she knows you are there and will listen.

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