Am I being silly? Teenagers and friends

(2 Posts)
Poppydoll1 Sat 23-May-15 09:16:55

My dd (14) recently had two "best" friends one who us very quiet and the other who Imo was very controlling. They didn't like the fact that she wanted to talk to other friends etc and my dd seemed to be excluded from sleep overs or trips to each other's houses . It's all come to a head with both of them saying that they no longer want to be her friend, my dd got v upset and said she was going to self harm.. The loud ones mother has got involved and virtually instigated the break up as she told me that she thought they needed a break . The last two weeks have been horrible. I have no control over the situation but feel she's been ostracised from her clique at school and is just meandering between people. She seems not to be bothered to encourage a new friendship group .. Maybe it's too early? She seems to have lots of friends but I feel that everyone seems settled in their own groups and she is now not belonging anywhere. I don't know what to do but I needed to write it down to get it out of my system.

Heyho111 Sat 23-May-15 09:37:22

I really feel your pain. The teen years was far more painful for me than my D.
She will find a new group of pals. What is happening to your D is also happening to all the other girl friendship groups even though your D will feel it's not !
My advice is given in hindsight. Don't ask her about it and do t try to fix it. Just agree with her. For example if she says something like. I've had a crap day I haven't hung out with anyone. You reply. That must feel rubbish when you have days like that. I remember having days like that.
If you ret why don't you talk to x. Or why don't you invite X out for shopping. She will get cross. All she wants is for you to acknowledge her grump. She probably wasn't on her own all day. But it feels like that. She won't tell you she is hanging out with some more than others. You only get the negative stuff.
I tried to give advice to fix my D friend difficulties and it went down badly and I now realise I got it wrong.
You will be a nervous wreck by the time she's 18 but she will look back and think it all went swimmingly well.
I never want to go back to teen years again with girls. Good luck.

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