Teenager very very rude

(6 Posts)
bab43 Sun 10-May-15 12:00:10

Finding it hard to remain the adult in the relationship I have with my son. Spent too long making allowances for him because I left his dad for DV. Feeling a bit teenagery myself by yelling back that he is a stinky bum too (in far more colourful language of course). How does anyone else keep their sanity.

chocoluvva Sun 10-May-15 14:22:46

Walk away - literally.

Apologise when you shout.

Refuse to talk/listen if he's the one who starts being rude and shouty.

Find a good time to agree with him that you will both try hard not to be horrible to each other.

Take up meditation and/or other stress-relief activities.

Best of luck.

FadedRed Sun 10-May-15 14:37:36

feel for you OP flowers
As Ds is teenager of DV responsible father, he may have picked up on that as the way you speak to women in general and/or you in particular.
Agree with strategies by Choco but you might also consider getting some third party counselling/relationship guidance here. Bolshy teenagers are stressful at the best of times, but with the additional history of DV, you both might need some more help.
Hope this gets better for you both.

chocoluvva Sun 10-May-15 14:43:42

Ah - I misread your info about DV. I must be very difficult for you both. Good advice from Faded re outside support.

Very best wishes to both of you.

bab43 Mon 11-May-15 01:06:26

Thanks for the responses.

I never used to shout, I used to literally walk away after telling him that we were not having a conversation as he was shouting at me, I do not like it and this conversation ends right here. Last few weeks, I did start yelling back and he was so surprised, he told me he didn't realise I felt that way.

I have only recently set boundaries as I was not sure he was just being rude or if he had ASD (suggested by his high school). The assessments indicated he is fine, very intelligent (I am proud to say) and not on the spectrum. Ergo just rude and spoiled. The boundaries oddly enough really work but the back chat is slow to go away.

His dad I left when DS was 2, initially allowed DV dad open access but typically he took the p* so I controlled it. I had got my life back and had no intention of allowing bullying me through my son. I could see that having a relationship with my son was not on his agenda ( he was mostly indifferent to a fabulous little boy). I felt I had to make it up to my son and I think I accidentally spoiled him. I am not too forgiving as at 15 he should know better.

My boy did actually come to me this afternoon and apologised, has even acted pleased to be around me. I have to admit I was totally gobsmacked.

Therapy for me never works,very uncomfortable. I took up crochet which does help and of course my church. My second husband is kind and gentle, he is taking some of it off me, as in he is in control of the reward based pocket money. My son likes him and has done for 10 years. We are lucky.

Letting off steam on here really helps, because it is not a brick wall that does not talk back. I will probably be fuming with him at least twice a week for another year or two, until his hormones are settled. Me hopes.

BeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 11-May-15 16:51:19

Hi there bab43 - we're just going to move this over to a more appropriate topic so you can get the best response.

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