Disappointed with DS friends stealing

[CalicoBlue]

I am very relaxed about DS (17) having his friends round. DH is less so, as he has gone away for a couple of weeks I told DS he can have his friends round as much as he wants over the Easter holidays.

When they come round, usually between 5 and 10 of them, I buy them beer, soft drinks, make sure there are lots of snacks, crisps, biscuits etc and leave them to it. I will not buy them spirits and trust them not to take my stuff, I make it clear what they can have.

Last night they all came over, they are a bit noisy but good kids who he has known all the way through high school. They tidied up before they left last night, and the kitchen had all the empties and glasses by the sink, the floor could have done with a hoover but otherwise I was happy with how they had left it.

Then I went into my laundry room, the door on the cupboard where I keep my spirits was open, a big bottle of gin and a big bottle of Jack Daniels were missing. They were not amongst the empties.

I woke DS and asked him about it, he knew nothing and immediately got on his phone. He sent a message out to the kids who were here saying that whoever had taken them had messed it up for all the others as I was now not letting them round. Within 15 mins he came back go me to say he knew who took them. Two of the boys had grabbed them on their way out. They had offered to bring what was left back and were sorry.

I don't really want the bottles back as they will have been necking them, I won't drink them. I have said that I want them to come and apologise.

I do not think DS should be punished as I think he handled this well. Though I do feel hurt and not keen to have them here soon. DS says I am more relaxed than other parents who make them leave at midnight and limit the number of friends. I let them stay all night, as I am a heavy sleeper it does not bother me.

What would you do?

[Jinglebells99]

I would say that the two who stole the whisky were no longer welcome until they apologise and buy a replacement bottle. They are taking the piss out of your good nature. I would stop buying them beer, and reduce the amount of snacks you are buying. To be honest, I wouldn't want a group of that many lads over.

[Hakluyt]

The two who stole would not be welcome again. Ever.

And (I know you didn't ask this, sorry) but I would be bothered about your dp's attitude- it's your ds's home too!

[mysteryfairy]

I guess their judgement was impaired by the beer you had previously bought them. Sounds like they are genuinely repentant. Thank goodness they haven't killed themselves with alcohol poisoning. I think if this was me I would just chalk it down to experience. I'd continue letting friends come round because actually at least you know where he is and that he's relatively safe. Just don't leave spirits out to avoid any temptation.

[Flipchart]

I would say they made a spur of the moment decision without thinking about the consequences. I don't think it was done maliciously. However I would expect an apology and a replacement and I would think they may well have learned a lesson.

[DelphiniumBlue]

They need to replace it and apologize. Giving back what remains of the bottle is just insulting, and shows they don't take it seriously. I'd be thinking twice about having them back in the house, and I certainly wouldn't be supplying them with beers in the future.

[IDontDoIroning]

Those boys really abused your hospitality - they went into a different room went into shut cupboards and stole from you.
I would tell your ds that you want the stolen items replaced and an apology and that they aren't welcome in your home again.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Apology and replacement and then forgiveness and letting them round again.

Anyone can do anything stupid and I think it's really good that they owned up to being arseholes so quick.

[crimsonh]

I am with Jinglebells99

they are taking advantage of your good nature - free party anyone?

[Floggingmolly]

I'd never have them in the house again (the two responsible, I mean). It's not really the same as nicking a traffic cone on the way home from a drunken night out, or an ashtray from a pub, is it?
It's the home of one of their mates; it's personal.

[trainersandcake]

I'd be really furious and would want them to replace the two bottles. I'd probably not want them in my house either, at least over Easter.

It sounds like they have just been drunk and behaving like idiots but even so, it's not something I'd want them to feel they can ever repeat.

[KillmeNow]

Full replacement today with an apology today.

No taking their time to do either in the hope you will simply forget about it.

Plus a ban on the whole lot coming round for a short time -explicitly because of this event. I know you dont want to punish your DS but its the group at fault here. They can and should understand that what has happened was only due to their presence in your home in the first place .

I personally wouldnt want the two culprits in my home ever again but you may have a better idea of them and be more open to having them back once you've cooled down.

[CalicoBlue]

Thanks for all your replies. I guess my response is in line with most of you. I think it was drunk boys being silly. They have been here loads of times and no problems. DS has been to their house too.

I do not buy them loads of beer, usually about 8 or 12 cans. They all bring some too. I supply the snacks as I do not like the thought of them drinking with nothing to soak it up.

haklyut Dh just does not like people round, he likes his peace and quiet at home. The kids will have a couple over at a time and he is fine with that. He would be awful with 10+ teenage boys in the house though. I will probably have friends over too whilst he is away.

I think an apology, replacement and a bit of a breather will be fine. DS is furious with them.

[tropicalfish]

I was in a bit of a dilemma maybe about 3 years ago. Some friends came round with their dc and afterwards my dh discovered money missing from his wallet. He wasnt sure about the exact amount but circa 20 - 40 quid. Very awkward situation, as friends are part of a small group of close friends that I have. We turned our dcs bedroom upside down to also look for the money just to ensure that we had left no stone unturned, of course it wasnt found. My dh mentioned it to friends dh who reported back that he had talked to his dc who admitted they had taken the money. He said that he would give us back the money and she would apologise to us but neither of these things has happened and as a consequence, I stopped inviting them to our house. I think mainly this head in the sand behaviour was due to the fact that he found it difficult to deal with and he didnt want his wife to find out as she had alcohol and mental health issues. To some degree I have forgiven him but I think he could easily at least given us back the money and it has put me off inviting them back plus the fact my own dc is outraged that the guilty dc has escaped scotfree. The situation caused me alot of angst at the time.